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Top 10 Things That Smell Better Than Your Teenaged Son’s Body Spray

I don’t know what Santa was thinking. Maybe he had sleigh-lag resulting in a lapse of judgment? He gave our 13-year-old son a gift set featuring a very popular body spray. Our son was bestowed with body wash, deodorant, and spray in a scent called Dark Temptation. He was happy with the gift, but seemed to forget about it until school started after winter break. We had to remind him, a regretful error we will mourn.

On school mornings, he’d emerge from his bedroom lair in the basement smelling of spicy swaggering confidence. At first, he controlled himself and applied the mist sensibly. Over time, however, it seemed like he wrapped himself in it like a mummy bundled in bandages. I began to smell him before I saw him. Opening the basement door meant being pummeled in the face by Dark Temptation. More than one morning, I had the dark temptation to meet him at the top of the stairs with the garden hose outfitted with power sprayer set on 10. You know, the setting that will chip paint off the side of your house.

It worsened when I discovered I was pregnant.