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Mama Drama: Bedtime Woes & Sibling Fights

Dear Mama Drama: My 13-month-old daughter used to go to bed easily. Now she stands in her crib and screams. We have a consistent, calming bedtime routine, but it doesn’t seem to be working right now.
~Exasperated

Dear Exasperated:
Your daughter may be telling you it’s to change her sleep schedule. She may not be as tired at her current bedtime as she used to be. Toddlers often shift their sleeping patterns as their activity and developmental needs change. They still need 10-13 hours of sleep on average, but may take fewer naps, need a different bed time, or need to be awakened earlier.

It may also be helpful to take a look at her schedule throughout the day. Make sure she is getting enough physical activity and that she is not over-stimulated in the hours just before bed. Warm baths, massages, wrapping up in a blanket to provide deep pressure, and quiet stories are all great additions to your nightly routine that will help her relax and be ready for sleep.

Dear Mama Drama: My seven year old twin boys were teasing each other last night when it escalated to one hitting the other multiple times in the back and the other one stabbing his brother in the head with the point of a pencil several times before I could intervene. I got them calmed down and put to bed, trying to stay calm myself. This is the first time this has happened and I am trying to figure out if this is normal or if I should be worried?
~Reeling

Dear Reeling:
Sounds like you did well to stay calm and get them calm. I suggest spending some time talking with them separately about what happened, focusing on how they were feeling at the time and helping them take responsibility for their part in the problem. Then have a conversation together where you problem solve and make a plan for future situations when they feel so upset.

While seven year olds generally have adequate vocabulary, they often don’t know how to express themselves effectively. Teaching and practicing problem solving language gives them the tools they need to successfully navigate social situations. With siblings, and particularly twins, emotions can be especially intense. Creating a peaceful problem solving structure provides a great framework for the family and is a skill they will use throughout their lives.

As a one-time incident I wouldn’t be over-the-top worried. Definitely let them know this behavior is not acceptable in any way and keep your radar up for escalating situations. Sometimes things happen too quickly to stop them, but other times we can step in to support them when the tension begins to rise and help them start communicating before the problems get bigger.

Motherhood is an amazing journey that can have its share of Mama Drama. The Mama Drama column will be running on Fridays with everyday mothering questions from readers and answers providing strategies to tackle these daily challenges. Send your questions to [email protected], and your Mama Drama might be in next week’s column.