With Mother’s Day behind us, let us turn our attention to the men in our lives. I adore mine. He is a doting husband, attentive father and brilliant businessman. The only weakness I’ve found in him happens to weigh 1,000 pounds* and consumes most of his spare time.
So in honor of him and fathers everywhere:
Top 10: How You Know Your Husband is Obsessed with Growing The Great Pumpkin
10) You sneak up on your husband on the computer and the only lurid sites you have to worry about him viewing are BigPumpkins.com and his pumpkin blog DenverPumpkins.com.
9) While most people are making their pilgrimage to the local garden center with the intention of planting food they can eat, your husband is prepping the soil for his inedible 1,000-pound fruit.
8) During the off-season, your husband has a grow room reminiscent of certain other sketchy growers.
7) a)Your family vacations are planned around The Great Pumpkin and you are banned from taking trips during the two-week pollination period. b) He refuses to join you on a family vacation to visit HIS family because it means too much time away from The Great Pumpkin.
6) Your husband builds hoop houses that contain heaters to shield The Great Pumpkin from the early-season weather.
5) Your husband carries around a digital temperature gauge and even sleeps next to it so he can constantly monitor the temperature in the hoop houses.
4) The only designer item you possess from Italy is his hail netting.
3) You become a widow for the duration of pumpkin season as your husband spends at least an hour a day and many weekends in the patch.
2) Your husband convinces you to invite all your friends to have a Pumpkin Party to commemorate the official vine cutting. And they like it.
1) You discover the most random things, in the most random places. From this in your guest bathroom window….
To your nice dinner plates covered in muck on the floor of your car. And when you confront him?
“Jamie, can you please explain why there were dirt-covered plates in my car?”
“Yeah, because I put dirt-covered plates in your car.”
At least he’s not in denial.
What is the father/husband/significant other in your life obsessed with?
*If you’re just tuning in to this saga, be sure to read Sordid Secrets and the Husbands Who Keep Them.