You know that feeling you get in the wee hours of Christmas Eve? You’ve spent weeks shopping, decorated every square inch of your home, made gingerbread houses with the kids, spent a few melancholy moments remembering lost loved ones, wrapping, cooking, baking, sending cards and calling old friends. Now, the moon is high and the Christmas tree is providing the only light in the room. The kids were tucked in hours ago and you and your husband finally pulled out all the Santa gifts. Now, you snuggle on the couch, crack old jokes that nobody else would understand, and feel a huge sense of simultaneous relief and excitement for the joy to come the very next day.
That feeling is so rare. That moment – after tremendous work, some tough emotions, silly whims, and then cozy love and comfort – only comes occasionally in life. Not even every Christmas.
And that is the moment I’m in right now with this baby. We are in Baby Eve.
When I look back on this incredible journey, I can honestly say that I am so proud of myself and my husband. In every way, we were unprepared for the news we got on May 27. A baby. We were having another baby. We had a two-bedroom home for a family that would soon number five, no maternity insurance, and had officially decided we liked where our family was. We were “done.”
Since that day, we have figured out how to insure this pregnancy and birth, carved another room out of the basement, traveled the emotionally epic journey from denial to pure excitement and, along the way, found we had the capacity to love each other, our daughters, and this new baby even more passionately than we had previously anticipated.
I’m in a state of bliss. And, truly, that aint nothin’ to sneeze at when you consider the state I was in when I was alone in the bathroom on May 27!
This bundle of joy is due January 28. I’m into those weekly doctor’s visits and am even having contractions! As they say, this could happen “any time!” I still have a few freelance projects to complete before I’ll feel totally “ready.” And actually, I’ve done close to zero shopping for baby gear, but that doesn’t bother me at all. Babies really don’t need much more than they come home from the hospital with.
I’m just ready to meet this new person. This wee kick-boxer. And I do feel like I’ve been given a gift. My mom used to say, “God’s gifts are good… but his wrapping department sucks.” Well, we had some scary wrapping paper to get through but we have received, already, many profoundly important gifts from this child.
Now, I’m ready to receive the child!
Guest blogger Janalee Card Chmel is co-owner of MA! motherhood with attitude and is a Denver-based freelance writer. She was shocked at the age of 40 to find out she was pregnant. Follow her journey each month.