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Celebrate an Anti-Valentine’s Day

At Mile High Mamas, we received plenty of Valentine’s Day press releases for chocolates. Events. Restaurants. Gifts. But nothing was quite like this hilarious pitch we received from Arc Thrift Stores for the “Anti-Valentine’s Day.” Enjoy!

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DENVER (January 30, 2018) – Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and while it’s a blissfully romantic holiday for some, for others it can be a bittersweet reminder of lost love and romantic blunders….or maybe it’s a day to celebrate being SINGLE AND LOVIN’ IT!!

At Arc Thrift Stores we’re all about heart and being a little bit silly, so we say, “What’s love got to do with it?!” and that it’s okay to celebrate an ANTI-VALENTINE’S DAY! If you and your friends are spending Valentine’s Day roasting your exes or celebrating being unfettered, visit your local Arc Thrift for a whole host of fun, goofy, tongue-in-cheek (and maybe even a bit snarky for those with a darker sense of humor) gag gifts to add to the revelry.

Arc Thrift Stores has compiled a list of perfect Anti-Valentine’s Day gifts for anyone who is happily (or maybe not so happily!) unattached. Here are a few:

You Might Be Eating Alone…but you can still eat well! 


Single? Perhaps you need some advice from W.C. Fields!

 

 Want to Get Even With Your Ex? Voodoo just might be the answer! 

What’s More Romantic Than Marrying for Money? Here’s a How to: 

You Can Always MAKE Someone Fall in Love With You!!

Nothing Says You’re Dead to Me Than Black Roses!

 

 

 

To find an Arc Thrift Store near you click here for a store locater.

 

Hilarious viral photo shows toddler signaling for ‘help’

We teach our kids about “Stranger Danger” and yet every Christmas, we submit them to a hairy, scary man in red. 

This photo went viral 12 years ago and is making the rounds again for good reason. From the boy’s mother, Kerry Spencer:

“We taught our baby sign language. This is the sign for ‘help.’ You’re welcome.”

Humor: Potty Train a Toddler in 22 “Easy” Steps

My potty training days are thankfully well behind me. Call it PTSD, but anytime I see a parent struggling through the process, I’m taken back to that fiery descent into hell. Parents who have had a child who refuses to potty train know my pain. My son was easy…it took under a week. My daughter took years (and I’m not exaggerating). 

La Guardia Cross produced this hilarious video that parents everywhere will be able to relate to. “This is the most honest 22 step process I can give you to potty train a toddler. It’s not based on what’s most effective, it’s based on exactly what my wife and I did, getting frustrated with the process, then seeing it all work out in four days.”

He’s one of the lucky ones. 

Wait! I’m Not Weady Yet

Rocky Raccoon runs a€˜round the race track as the crowd ROARRRRS and CHEERRRRRS and reads recipes at recess.

No, I have not cashed in all my sanity chips. Not completely. The above phrase is just one of many things I have repeated over and over since the new year began because my seven-year-old son has resolved to say his Rs better this year. To say that this breaks my heart is like saying Bill Gates is a little well off. You have no idea how this saddens me.

Nothing is sweeter than a little boy looking up at the sky and saying something like, “Mom, I just saw THWEE falling STAHS!” Or upon puking saying, “Don’€™t CWY, Mommy. I PWOMISE I€’ll buy you a new WUG!€?”

Humor: For all those parents suffering through math with their kids

Dear parents suffering through math homework with their kids: The Holderness family’s new parody “It’s such a pain learning Algebra” to the tune of Toto’s “Africa” is for you! 

We also love their message:

Dear Math,

We do know that you are important to learn, and you are an integral part in millions of people’s careers, and those who teach you deserve a special place in heaven. But we aren’t very good at you, and rhyming Africa with Algebra was just too much fun. No hard feelings, mmmmkay?

Sincerely, the Holderness Family

Because why cry when you can laugh?

Related: This is our all-time favorite video about trying to teach someone math.

Pumpkin Spice Parody: The Great Pumpkin Debate

Pumpkin cereal, pumpkin pasta, pumpkin bagels, pumpkin shakes, pumpkin yogurt…is the pumpkin spice overload madness or are you a fan of the seasonal treat?

Where do you stand on the Great Pumpkin Debate? In the Holderness family’s latest video, Penn is obviously anti-pumpkin, Kim is well… she’s Kim. 

Run, Forrest, RUN!

Our school has a cross-country team and I really wanted my daughter Hadley to join because she’s a talented runner but she was reluctant, citing she’s more of a sprint and middle-distance runner, not long distance.

Fair enough. I’m wisely learning to pick my battle with my tween so made the deal that if she joined, I wouldn’t make her do any of the meets…that she could just do it for the joy of running. I motivated her by promising that her increased fitness and endurance would help her with hiking, something she is passionate about (read about her first 14er she climbed last summer).

Out of nowhere, my son Bode piped up. “I want to join the cross-country team.”

“You know it’s running, right?”

“Yes, I know, Mom.”

Bode is many things but a runner is not one of them. First, he has my side of the family’s build (short and stout), not long and lanky like Hadley from the Johnsons. Second, he jerks his head around like a bobblehead because he thinks it makes him run faster. Third, he’s never shown any interest in running and thinks our longer hikes are downright painful.

To his credit, he has enthusiastically attended all his twice-weekly practices, even during sweltering temperatures. And in typical optimistic Bode fashion, he never complained. Another perk I hadn’t anticipated: he has never been better at soccer. That kid can run faster and for longer, which has increased  his confidence and enthusiasm for the game. It has been a joy to watch him this season.

I kept  my promise to not make my kids actually compete until Bode casually mentioned he wanted to try one of their meets.

“You know it’s running, right?”

“Yes, I know, Mom.”

I picked Bode up early from student council and we tore over to a neighboring school that was hosting. He was delighted that in addition to his own peers, most of his soccer team’s buddies were racing as well.

Denver hadn’t seen rain in what felt like months so, of course, the sky was heavy with dark, drooping clouds. A few raindrops started falling so the organizer made the decision to start the boy’s race a bit early. The 1-mile course covered a series of hills and I quickly lost sight of him.

Enter: the downpour.

And then the hail.

Most of the parents ran for cover but I stubbornly stood out there getting pelted. If my boy was going to run through this weather, I was going to be there to greet him at the finish line.  Besides, if anything, seeking shelter from the hail would just make him fun raster, right?

As Bode rounded the final hill, I shouted, “Run, Forrest, Run!” Of course, he didn’t understand the Forrest Gump reference but I beamed with pride as I watched my “non-runner” run his guts out to the finish line.racehailsm

Bode was drenched and his skin flaming red from getting pelted by the hail but he was beaming. Out of a field of about 40 boys, he took 12th, narrowing missing the top 10 medals but he didn’t care. His first cross-country race taught me a thing (or 12) about what it  means to be a runner. And it’s not about running.He’d tried something new that was hard for him and he did his very best. For him, that was enough.

Though, unlike Forrest, he unambitiously stopped at the finish line instead of running from coast-to-coast for an additional three years. 

Better luck next race.

Toddler Tact: A Village of Witnesses

One of the things I learned early on about motherhood was how open our lives would be as soon as our child was verbal. You have no more secrets when your child starts to talk. None. In our particular situation, our lives have been an open book for a long time now, because Claire has been speaking in sentences since she was 17-months old. This has been great in avoiding the typical tantrums caused by miscommunication or the frustration of a communication break-down, but has certainly kept us on our toes, especially in public.

We’ve always been very straightforward with her when it comes teaching her about her environment. She is a veritable sponge, always asking questions, sometimes to the nth degree. She’ll ask what something is or what something does, and we’ll tell her. We try to use the proper scientific names and explain things so that someone of her age can understand, and we are always amazed at her recall and memory.

She may have the ability to remember these things, but learning the proper places and tone to discuss them is still a work in progress.

For example, about a year ago, Claire was just a few months past 2 years old, and we were in Target. We weren’t talking about anything in particular, but I’ll never forget the look on the poor unsuspecting woman’s face when Claire looked right at her and said, ”Did you know boys have penises?”

Dear Diary, I have a daughter with whom you may be acquainted

My oldest daughter is almost 12. She just began keeping a journal.

I had a journal from ages 14-24. It was a three-ring binder filled with hundreds of pages of notebook paper, each covered in blue or black ink scrawl and doodle-littered margins.

Ten years of angst, rants, theories, dreadful poetry, and dreams crumbled into ashes one afternoon when I spontaneously decided to burn the diary in my parents’ fireplace. I fed pages to flames with no regret and with a lot of satisfaction.

There was a brief pause to consider how I was making the job of my future biographers much more difficult. Too bad. I proceeded, slightly less narcissistic than 30 seconds before.

I was 24 years old when I played Fahrenheit 451 and had just finished reading all the entries for the last time. It struck me I didn’t need to see the words on paper to remember who I liked my freshman year of high school until I found out another guy liked me, so then I liked him instead because he liked me, so, like, like, and so, and gaw! my mom! and maybe we’ll go to the Cotton Ball together?

I didn’t need to be reminded how my heart was broken one dewy autumn morning on the school’s lawn during a bomb scare evacuation. The timing was poetic, I mused at age 15. My school wasn’t obliterated, but my heart was. In honor of being dumped, I

Dad’s hilarious take on baby care instructions

You’d think a mom could go out of town for two nights without getting some backlash. A dad’s hilarious take on his wife’s baby care instructions is going viral after it was shared to Reddit.

To start, this dad edited some grammatical errors in the note his wife left and then asks questions that may have obvious answers to mom but apparently not to dad when she says, “Apply diaper cream to butt,” he ponders, “So do I take the diaper back off?”

Like the rebel he is, there are certain instructions he isn’t willing to follow, though. He asserts that instead of dressing his son in a warm onesie with feet, he’ll choose “whatever he looks awesome in.” Duly noted.