We love our dads…and we love dad jokes.
Here’s to celebrating all of the wonderful fathers in our lives!
- “Dad, did you get a haircut?” “No, I got them all cut!”
- “My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!”
- “How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.”
- “Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.”
- “I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.”
- “What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.”
- “Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!”
- “Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.”
- “Dad, can you put my shoes on?” “No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.”
- “Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.”
- “This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in.”
- “Dad, can you put the cat out?” “I didn’t know it was on fire.”
- How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
- “I could tell a joke about pizza, but it’s a little cheesy.”
- “Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!”
- “When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.”
- “I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.”
- “What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer? The space bar.”
- To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word.
- I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
- If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
- “I’ll call you later.” Don’t call me later, call me Dad.”
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can’t remember… I think her name was Reese something?
DAD: No, it was with a knife…
Happy Father’s Day!