Adoption

About Face

Have you read Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinking? It chronicles the period after the sudden death of the author’s husband’s and the concurrent illness of her adult daughter. It is starkly written and trance-like in nature. On the back cover is an intriguing photo, one with such interesting composition and mystery that I found myself staring into it on occasion. It was taken in Malibu in 1976. I play the guessing game. I think on their names. John Dunne and Joan Didion — Irish, perhaps? Quintana Roo, their daughter. Must have a connection to Mexico — but the name is not fully explained in the book. Their daughter looks to be about my age that year. I study their faces. Yup, Quintana looks like the perfect combination of John’s facial structure and...

When “last” means “best”

I had long struggled with the idea of adoption as a second choice — pregnancy being the default setting and thus the first choice. Why the struggle? After all, I had ended up in exactly the right place. I wouldn’t want my family to be any different than what it is. But how to explain this to my children, who are likely to ask questions in the coming years? Would they someday feel like we settled for them, that they weren’t our first choice, that they were second-best? I shudder at that thought. I found resolution to this dilemma through another blogger, who addressed the term “second” as a chronological term rather than an ordinal term. And with that, my problem was solved. Was Roger my first choice as a husband? Well, considering I kissed a few frogs before I...

When opportunity knocks and you don’t answer

In January of 2003 I took a crash course on bi-polar disorder in children. In a weekly email, our adoption agency told us and other waiting families about a situation. Normally it doesn’t happen this way. Normally, a couple waiting to adopt eagerly awaits The Call announcing they’d been chosen to parent a newborn. But when circumstances are less than ideal, rather than show an expectant mother The Book of waiting couples, the agency instead asks waiting couples to opt in. This way, the expectant parents face less risk of being rejected by the couple they choose. This was one of those situations. Meaghan was considering adoption for her unborn child, due in two weeks. Both Meaghan and the baby’s father seemed iffy on relinquishing. In addition, both parents had bipolar dis...

Earning My Mom Badge

I have loved Tessa from the the moment I knew of her existence, but the lovin’ wasn’t proven until she was about 3 months old. My husband Rob had a conference in Costa Rica one summer, and I didn’t want to miss the chance to travel with him. So we recruited two babysitters — the kind who buy their own airline tickets and hotel room — a.k.a “parents.” Mine. Three-month-old babies have a surprising amount of stuff. Clothing, diapers, wipes, and (in our case) formula, bottles, washing paraphernalia and drool cloths. One of the bulkiest things a baby needs is a bath. I envisioned getting on the plane with all her stuff and my stuff and a car seat and a stroller, and it was easy to decide we could do without the bath. I’d just have her take a bath...

Mama Blogger of the Month–Lori from Weebles Wobblog

[photopress:Lori_MHM.JPG,full,pp_image]Lori of Weebles Wobblog is not only our Mama Blogger of the Month but was recently named as Mile High Mamas’ newest Mama Blogger. Lori has had a long journey to motherhood and we are thrilled to have her as a regular fixture on the site. Join us in welcoming her to Mile High Mamas! Moms have different paths that lead to motherhood. Tell us about your struggles with infertility. To this day I cringe when I hear a wide-eyed newlywed say, “We want to have a baby in June, so we are going to get pregnant in September!” I remember when we thought we had that much control. Many people do. Turned out we didn’t. Ultimately, we had to decide whether we wanted to be pregnant or whether we wanted to be parents. At what point did you decide...

Open Adoption and Returning to the Well

Lori blogs from a Denver suburb about mindful living at Weebles Wobblog and about her twisty journey to become a mom at Drama 2B Mama. She also dishes about good buys at All Thumbs Reviews. A few weeks back, my friend Crystal offered to have my children come play at her house for a few hours. Rob had been out of town, and some down time for me sounded reealllly good. It was a no-brainer. Responsible child watcher? Free time? Of course! But I had to stop to think a moment. Because Crystal is Tessa’s birthmom. “Is this weird?” I thought. “It doesn’t feel weird. It should feel weird. Other people would find it weird. But I am definitely not sensing weird.” The thoughts chugged through my head as I searched for some rain on my parade. I brought the kids to C...

Two Women, One Daughter, One Great Event

Lori ignores her two kids blogs from a NW Denver suburb. Weebles Wobblog chronicles her attempts to live mindfully; Drama 2B Mama recounts her infertility and adoption journeys; and All Thumbs Reviews gives sassy purchasing advice on everything from hair decor to refrigerators to wine — essentials for a Mile High Mama. If I call her “my daughter’s other mother” it may seem different from what it is. I met Crystal because we each had a problem. Mine had nooks with crannies, and hers had crannies with nooks. Our oddly- shaped problems fit together, and we became each other’s solution. Seven years ago, I was experiencing the famine that is infertility; Crystal was dealing with the feast that is an unintended pregnancy, while living in an untenable situation. In a...

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