Father’s Day: Love Means Cleaning Up the Chunks

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
And now faith, hope, and love abide, but the greatest of these is love.

What a load of crap.

Love is cleaning up the chunks. Note: My daughters Lilly and Lulu contributed to this axiom in the last few weeks with their pukefest.

Love is finding someone to tolerate and be tolerated by, day after day, week after week, year after year.

Love is never having to say, “I’m sorry for checking out that chick (or dude).”

Love is managing expectations.

Love is letting your daughter use your favorite sweatshirt as a diaper because you’re stuck on the highway in a snowstorm on the way home from a weekend in the mountains and you ran out of pull ups and she has diarrhea.

Love is

Love means cleaning up the chunks: A (humorous) dad’s perspective

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
And now faith, hope, and love abide, but the greatest of these is love.

What a load of crap.

Love is cleaning up the chunks. Note: My daughters Lilly and Lulu contributed to this axiom in the last few weeks with their pukefest.

Love is finding someone to tolerate and be tolerated by, day after day, week after week, year after year.

Love is never having to say, “I’m sorry for checking out that chick (or dude).”

Love is managing expectations.

Love is letting your daughter use your favorite sweatshirt as a diaper because you’re stuck on the highway in a snowstorm on the way home from a weekend in the mountains and you ran out of pull ups and she has diarrhea.

Love is

DAD 2.014: A funny dad’s honest reflections on fatherhood

As Father’s Day approaches, I’m forced to reflect on my own father and how different his experience as a father was than mine is now.

When my father fed a bottle to my first daughter, his first grandchild, he looked up and said, “You know, this is the first time I’ve ever fed a baby?”

None of us were caught off guard by the revelation. This was not news to us. Nor was the fact that he, though a father of three, had never changed a diaper and most likely never will.

This leads me to the revelation that despite today’s abundance of technological, health, sociological and educational advancements, compared to previous generations we are light-years behind. Instead of rushing to pick up kids at daycare, I should be stopping off for a cocktail on the way home from work and then entering my domain to an awaiting hot dinner, hot wife and quiet kids–all teeming with glee upon my grand entrance.

The problem is that somewhere in the last three or four decades we as a society have wrecked a perfectly functional lifestyle business model. We used to live predominantly in single-income households way back in the “good old days.” Now, oh so many of us are forced to ditch that set-up in favor of the more common duel income gig. And pardon my language, but that blows.

The Scariest Words Ever: A Dad’s Perspective

No. They are not “I love you.” They are not, “I’m really a man.” They are not, “I will not be ignored.” They are not, “Freeze, this is the police.”

The scariest words ever are, “Mom, Dad, I’m pregnant,” as spoken by a teenaged girl.

At least those are the scariest words for me.

My wife and I saw

The Curse of Cinderella…and other satanic princesses

As I’ve watched my two-year-old daughter transform into a three-year-old, the true nature of women has finally been revealed to me. Decades of prior research on the topic have been rendered moot. And as is the case with most enigmas, this revelation turns out to be quite elementary.

As young boys, sure we are exposed to such demons as Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, et al. Later reincarnations of these little devils include the likes of Jasmine, Belle, and Ariel, the most evil of them all. We, the male species, are aware of these characters. We are casually familiar with their tales. But our familiarity is merely cursory. For it’s not until we procreate daughters do we truly get to peer into the eyes of the beast. And it is at that moment that we receive a true level of clarity regarding women and how they have developed into the beings we know today.

PEE-PEE YIN AND YANG

Though I’ve lived in the Pacific and Mountain time zones for the last 12 years, my DNA is purely East Coast. I’m more than willing to be a Good Samaritan, but certainly not at the expense of my own convenience. As you can see from this photo, I’m sitting in LAX, staring at the gate from which my flight to Denver has recently departed.

Departed…..sans moi….as you may have surmised.

So what went wrong, Mitch? Overslept from a hangover? Nope. Too much LA traffic? Not at all, the cab ride from Santa Monica went like clockwork. Long security line? Ut ah, buzzed right through. So why aren’t you writing this at 40,000 feet, Mitch? Well…let me tell you.

Love and Marriage–The Perfect System

We have a weird dynamic in the house. MRS handles pretty much everything: pays the bills, buys the girlsâ clothes (well, organizes everything relative to the girls), does the laundry, cooks, travels a ton for work, puts up with my crap, and (aside from that special week that rolls around every month) is a damn fine wife.

So hereâs the rub, her ultimate contradiction; she either canât, or refuses to, put anything back in the same place twice.

If I had a nickel for every time she said, âWhere are my sunglasses?â? when weâve gotten in the car, wellâ¦Iâd have a bunch of nickels.

Iâve had to learn to channel surf telepathically because that stupid clicker has never sat in any one location a second time. (((Side note: someone please come out with a 4 or 5 tuner DVR in a hurry. MRS has so many shows set for series recordings ((hardly any of which she will ever watch (including eleven different versions of Law & Order that air in perpetuity on seven different networks)) that any time I attempt to change the channel, the DVR just prompts me, DONâT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.)))

Looking for something to do with the kids?

Now that spring is here there are plenty of things to do with the kids to keep them busy. But for those of you still looking for viable activities there is a hidden gem in Parker that you may not know about.

The Wildlife Experience is a great place to have fun with the kids and provide them and interesting learning opportunity. They have fun play areas and activity space for younger kids, and an Imax-like movie theater with great films that both educate and entertain. The two movies currently playing are Whales and Australia. The Wildlife Experience also has ever changing exhibits that are usually very well done. Check out their thorough website to see all that TWE has to offer.

TWE also has a monthly Martini and a Movie night for the grownups if you are looking for something new on “date night.”

The Scariest Words Ever

No. They are not âI love you.â? They are not, âIâm really a man.â? They are not, âI will not be ignored.â? They are not, âFreeze, this is the police.â?

The scariest words ever are, âMom, Dad, Iâm pregnant,â? as spoken by a teenaged girl.

At least those are the scariest words for me.

My wife and I saw the movie Juno over the weekendâan excellent flick, by the wayâand I was forced to look at parenthood from an extremely uncomfortable position. As the father of two girls, ages 2 and 4, parenthood is still about providing and developing. Real parenting apparently takes place when real life enters the picture.

Watching this movie really bummed me out because it made me realize that before long my girlsâangels that adore their daddyâwill get to the point that they want nothing to do with me.

Spanking…what’s the general consensus on the matter?

When my daughter was three and a half, she developed a real âtude.” She seemed to transform from my delightful, lovely, vivacious, angel to an uncontrollable, defiant, demon-kid about every five minutes.

MRS and I debated the pros and cons of spanking, when demon-child was present. MRS says, no way, and drops âHow Toâ? books on my lap. I say all this âtime outâ? stuff is bullcrap and some gentle but firm corporal punishment is whatâs lacking in todayâs parenting. I know it worked on me.

Iâm curious what you parents think about this subject. Do you spank or not? Do you have some secret techniques you use to control your little maniacs? Or do you just let them run wild and hope they grow out of it?

Please help!!!!