“Why can’t you just trust me?” my 12-year-old daughter accused. I stopped and stared. It had been a year of upheaval as we moved from a home and peers she loved and was thrust into a new middle school’s enemy territory.
She had transitioned beautifully and made new friends, was on the honor roll for the first time and excelled in volleyball, skiing and climbing.
Then came that call came from the school that she was struggling and she continued to unravel over the coming weeks. My husband and I got to work. Our laissez–faire attitude has shifted to a more hands-on approach (with many sleepless, anxiety-filled nights) but there I was being accused by the very person I was trying to help.
After a long pause, I slowly responded, “It’s not about lack of trust. I am doing this because I love you.”
I’ve been a writer for 20+ years and a blogger, columnist and social media strategist for more than a decade. I’ve sat on a panel at the Colorado Children’s Hospital’s Cyberbullying Social Summit where I talked to the mother of Kiana Arellano a beautiful, popular sophomore cheerleader who was so severely bullied online that she nearly died after attempting suicide. Today, she is wheelchair-bound with a severe brain injury.
I have had countless friends share regrets about failing to monitor their kids’ screentime as they now battle porn addictions (see FightTheNewDrug.org to see the staggering statistics). I have written about “ghost” apps teens are using, which are applications that look harmless but are designed to hide secret photos or other information. I have interviewed numerous experts who worry that the social media and text messages that have become so integral to teenage life are promoting anxiety, depression, self-harm and lowering self-esteem.
I am entering my daughter’s Internet age with my eyes wide open and so to her accusation, I say this:
Because I love you, I will do everything in my power to reopen doors that you feel are slammed shut. I will be your advocate with school teachers, counselors, religious leaders, family and even our doctor if necessary to create a support team.
Because I love you, I will give you every opportunity I can for you to see the world. You will travel to the most hidden, wild places where dreams are made. You will climb a 14,000-foot peak as you drink in an endless sea of summits and you will bask in the warm waters of a Hawaiian waterfall as you marvel at the wonder of it all.
Because I love you, you will not have a smart phone or be on social media before your father and I feel you are emotionally ready and even then, there will be filters, regular monitoring, and no screens in your bedroom.
Because I love you, our summers and weekends will be filled with friends, family, travel, camps, church, sleeping in, a healthy dose of boredom and adventure at every corner.
Because I love you, I will not always be your friend but, more importantly, your mother. I cannot always be the “fun mom” but will always be there to catch you when you fall, teach you to love God, your family and others.
Because I love you, your iPod will be turned in every night and Wi-Fi will be turned off one hour before bedtime on weeknights (thanks, Circle with Disney) even though “none of your friends’ parents” enforce restrictions and they often send you texts late into the night.
Because I love you, I will encourage you to develop healthy friendships with your friends while also remembering the importance of family time as we support and love one another.
Because I love you, you will not date until you are 16 but I will support fun, healthy friendships with boys as you figure out who you are and how to love yourself first.
Because I love you, I will try to be a better listener, say “yes” more than I say “no,” give you plenty of down-time and respect your wish for space while setting and enforcing boundaries.
Because I love you, I will make mistakes and so will you. I will ask for forgiveness and I will forgive you as we stumble through this wild, teenage ride.
But just remember it’s all because I love you.
Author: Amber Johnson
Amber is the founder and editor of Mile High Mamas, travel writer and former columnist for The Denver Post. She is a passionate community builder and loves the outdoors. She has two awesome teens and is happily married to a man obsessed with growing The Great Pumpkin.
