6 May 2021

Grieving and Mother’s Day

First, I really wish I still had the shirt that my mother is wearing in the photo.

Second, looking at this photo really makes me miss her.

Third, Mother’s Day is coming up and I know that for all us who have lost a mom, this is a tough time of year.

Last year, just after walking past the card aisle at the drugstore, I spun on my heel and marched right into the celebratory sea of the Mother’s Day section. I get to pick out a card too, I thought. Just because she’s not here anymore doesn’t mean I don’t have a mom. I let myself look through all the cards, searching for the exact one I would buy for her if she were still alive.

I bought the card, took it home, and I wrote her a note telling her what a special mom she is. I propped it on the kitchen counter with all the other cards and things…and it felt right.

I’m not sure if I’ll do the same thing this year. Every year feels a little different. Some years I want to celebrate, some years I want to ignore the day altogether.

But either way, I feel like for all of us out here who don’t have a mom here in the physical realm, it doesn’t mean we can’t still celebrate her.

Let’s take back Mother’s Day.

(And if anyone can find me a vintage version of this shirt I will love you forever.)

-Claire Smith is a grief therapist. Follow her on instagram @clairebidwellsmith.