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Transcript of a “conversation” with the school’s attendance line

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Day One, 7:30 am

“€œYou have reached Neighborhood Elementary School’€™s attendance line. Please leave a message with your student’s name, class, reason for absence and number of days absent. Thank you.” Beep.

“€œHi! This is Gretchen, Ryley’s mom. He is in Mrs. Goodteacher’€™s second-grade class. He won’t be at school today due to a fever and a cough. Hopefully he’€™ll be better tomorrow. Thank you!”

Day Two, 8:05 am

You have reached Neighborhood Elementary School’€™s attendance line. Please leave a message with your student’s name, class, reason for absence and number of days absent. Thank you.” Beep.

“€œHi! This is Gretchen. Ryley won’€™t be at school today. He’€™s in Mrs. Goodteacher’s class. He still has a fever and a cough, plus a headache. I don’€™t know if he will be there tomorrow, sorry.”

Day Three, 8:24 am

You have reached Neighborhood Elementary School’€™s attendance line. Please leave a message with your student’s name, class, reason for absence and number of days absent. Thank you.” Beep.

“€œHello. Gretchen here. Ryley from Mrs. Goodteacher’s class won’€™t be at school today. I’€™m going to try to get him in to the doctor. Also Sam won’€™t be at school today. He’€™s in Mrs. Remindsmeofmythirdgradeteacherwhowasreallystrictâ’s class. He has a tummyache and a cough. I don’€™t know how many days he’€™ll be out. Thanks!”

Day Four, 5:30 am

You have reached Neighborhood Elementary School’€™s attendance line. Please leave a message with your student’s name, class, reason for absence and number of days absent. Thank you.” Beep.

“Hi, it’s me. Ryley. I won’t be there today. Of course. He has pneumonia according to the doctor he saw yesterday afternoon. He’€™s on antibiotics. Oh, he’€™s in Mrs. Goodteacher’€™s class €”theoretically. Sam is coughing his head off too. Won’€™t be there. You don’€™t want him there. Aidan is also sick. She’€™s in Miss Ryleyhasasecretcrushonher’s class, fourth grade and she too has this fevery coughy thingy going on. When will they be back? Isn’€™t that the million dollar question? I’€™m not feeling so well myself. How are you? Oh yeah, sorry, recording.”

Weekend intermission

Day Five, 8:59 am

You have reached Neighborhood Elementary School’€™s attendance line. Please leave a message with your student’s name, class, reason for absence and number of days absent. Thank you.” Beep.

“€œSam will be there! Yay! This is Gretchen, his mom, by the way. Unfortunately Ryley and Aidan won’t be joining him. They are still sick. I think I am going to try that Mucinex stuff you see on TV. You know, those commercials where the glob of mucus wearing a tanktop and a combover throws a party for all his mucus globule friends? So gross, but I’ve heard good things about it. One of my fr.”
” Oops, cutoff by the machine. Redial.

“€œMe, again. I forgot where I left off? Basically, Aidan and Ryley won’€™t be there. I hope maybe one or both of them will be there tomorrow. Okay. Thanks. Did I mention this is Gretchen?”

Day Six, 6:31 am

You have reached Neighborhood Elementary School’€™s attendance line. Please leave a message with your student’s name, class, reason for absence and number of days absent. Thank you.” Beep.

“No, Joel, I won’€™t put syrup on your Pop Tart. Oh, hi, it’€™s Gretchen again. Aidan from Miss Ryleyhasasecretcrushonher’€™s class won’€™t be there. Still with the cough. Says her feet feel funny, too. I’€™ll call you tomorrow. Or you can call me, if you want. We should have lunch sometime!”

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Comments
  • comment avatar Kagey February 5, 2008

    Oh, what I have to look forward to! This is hilarious, reminds me of the skit with the cook who keeps drinking more of the cooking sherry as she goes! Only, in this case, it’s sleep deprivation. The first time my DS got really sick I remember running out of pjs for me because his favorite place to get sick was while I was trying to rock him to sleep.

  • comment avatar Lizzy February 5, 2008

    I am horrible at leaving messages with machines. I hate when i forget the names of my children… or myself. “Hi, this is… ha ha I’m Mrs. —–, silly me. Ahhhh, anyway I’m calling for, um, my daughter Cook–, Oops, I mean Li— hee hee.” you get the idea.

    Hope you are all feeling better now.

  • comment avatar Ana February 5, 2008

    You are too cute and creative. I have soooo been there, done that!

  • comment avatar Megan February 5, 2008

    FUNNY. That’s the story around town these days, I hear. Lots of sickies going around. Enough to make a mama an eeensy bit nutty!

  • comment avatar Annie February 5, 2008

    Feeling your pain. I’m glad you can find the humor in it.

  • comment avatar Catherine Dix February 5, 2008

    This was a great post, Gretchen. Well wishes to you and yours.

  • comment avatar Joanne February 6, 2008
  • comment avatar Angie February 6, 2008

    This is hilarious! We homeschool, so we don’t deal with schools, but I know I would probably ramble too, and get cut off by the answering machine!

    Angie
    http://wwwthedowntownboutique.blogspot.com

  • comment avatar nutmeg February 8, 2008

    My favorite Gretchen post of all times! You are a comedic genious!

  • comment avatar nutmeg February 8, 2008

    make that genius.

  • comment avatar A mom in the burbs February 8, 2008

    Oh my heck, that was seriously laugh-out-loud funny.

    I, too, have forgotten which kid I am calling about or their teacher’s name. Or, automatically using my oldest child’s name and then catching myself part-way through.

    So funny…..hope you are feeling better!

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