A Boy and His Baby Doll

Right around the time my son turned two, he started asking for a baby.

He’d look at me with big eyes and ask sweetly, “Baby?” Then, more insistent, “Babeeee?” And finally, “Baby come HOME!”

My uterus recoiled in horror at the thought of a baby, so my husband came up with a compromise: What about a baby doll? My son’s eyes lit up with excitement like me stumbling upon the Nordstrom semi-annual shoe sale.

We took a special trip to Target and let our toddler son pick out a baby doll. He chose a doll that came with her own stroller and happily dragged her through the store.

And that’s when we heard the first person cast judgment. The woman checking us out asked if the baby was for a little sister. No, we said. Was it a gift? No, we said. It was like she couldn’t make the connection between us buying a baby doll and the happy little boy clapping his hands. When she finally got it, her eyebrows inched up.

“Oooooooh,” she said.

Oh. My heart twisted a little bit at that, and I gave my son a hug. He, obviously, had no idea that someone was judging him for his desire for a baby doll. But I knew, my husband knew, and we bristled on his behalf.

Target, I have to say, has done a fabulous job of making strides in making their toys open to all. We didn’t go down the “girl toys” aisle to find the doll. It was simply in the doll aisle. But within that aisle, we couldn’t find a single doll that could appeal to both boys and girls. I thought we’d find something like a Cabbage Patch doll like both me and my husband had as children. (A note: I discovered later that Target does carry Cabbage Patch dolls, but they were down a different aisle.)

In the past few years, the toy options for girls have made giant, amazing leaps. Girls, the toys tell us, can be anything. As a woman who hated Barbies growing up, this makes me so happy. Yet boy toys have remained in this rigid, narrow definition of what “boyhood” is: tough, sporty, scrape-kneed and boisterous.

What about the boys who love to climb at the playground and also read books? The boys who want to have a tea party with their favorite stuffed animals … and their collection of trucks?

For girls, we have wonderfully, finally celebrated their “ands.” A girl can love science kits and dressing up. But boys seem to be stuck in the “or.” You can be a tough boy or, as a family member called my son and made me cry in private, a cupcake.

My son is a toddler who loves his baby doll. And I love to watch him with her, watch him nurture her how he sees his father and I nurture him. Like my husband pushes him in his stroller, my son insists on pushing Baby in her stroller. (That stroller has logged more miles than I think it was ever designed to do, as evidenced by the zip ties now holding it together.) Like I rock him at night, he likes to rock Baby and hum to her before nap. He checks on her, making sure she’s comfortable in her stroller and apologizing when he sends her careening down the slide at the park.

My fear is that he’ll realize that he shouldn’t love his Baby and put her away. But right now, my husband and I try in every way to make sure our son doesn’t have to curtail who he is to be an “or.” He can be nurturing and loud and love Baby and spend hours playing racecar driver.

Though maybe I’d prefer he spend a bit less time playing racecar driver. I can only stand so much pretending to drive a car without wine.

Jenny lives in Denver with her husband, son, and two fat tabbies. She’s a mom by day, a writer by night, and a traveler whenever she gets the chance. Follow her on her blog or on Twitter.

Author: Mile High Mamas