Easter: International Holiday of Mystery
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Christmas is the most anticipated holiday, Halloween is the spookiest, but Easter is the most mysterious. Easter is shrouded in questions. Some of them have answers, some of them do not.
One of the greatest mysteries of Easter is the mystery of my favorite Easter candy, the Reese’s Peanut Butter Egg. Why does it taste better than the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup? They are both made by the same company. They are both made with peanut butter and chocolate, so why the difference?
Then, there is the mystery of how to boil the eggs. Why is it that I can never remember how long it takes to boil an egg? Every year we dye the eggs and I have to look up how to boil an egg on the Internet.
Not mysterious enough? Here’s another one. Why is it that they only put one metal egg dipper in the Easter egg coloring kit? Don’t they know that the average American family has 3.18 kids? Why not 3.18 dippers per box? Because that’s how they get ya, that’s why! If you want 3.18 of those ingeniously designed egg dippers, you’re going to have to buy 3.18 boxes of egg coloring. And you know you have to because spoons just don’t work as well. You just can’t dye eggs without those dippers!
Here is something you can do without: that annoying, green, fake grass that goes in the Easter baskets. That stuff gets everywhere! It’s like finding sand in your underwear days after you’ve been to the beach. Every year I end up cleaning up little strands of Easter grass until Independence Day.
Speaking of Independence Day, every year we know that Independence Day will be on the fourth of July, no fail. But, Easter changes from year to year. Why is that? This is a mystery that actually has an answer. According to the all-knowing Wiki:
Easter falls at some point between late March and late April each year, following the cycle of the moon. After several centuries of disagreement, all churches accepted the computation of the Alexandrian Church, now the Coptic church, that Easter is the first Sunday after the first fourteenth day of the moon (the Paschal full moon) that is on or after March 21st (the ecclesiastical spring, or vernal, equinox).
Clear as egg yolk? Good.
Although Easter Sunday changes from year to year, I never miss watching The Ten Commandments. What is the mystery in that? The mystery is this: How is it that year after year Yule Brenner just keeps getting sexier? I love it when he says, “Moses and the Hebrews think they can out-wise my fathah.”
My daughter, Mini Me, has an Easter mystery of her own. She can’t figure out why I will pay fifteen bucks to have her picture taken with a stranger in a Santa suit, but I won’t pay to have her picture taken with a stranger in a bunny suit. What can I say? The bunny creeps me out a little. The one at our mall needs a new costume. He looks like he has mange.
Oh, there are many things that are mysterious about Easter but probably the biggest mystery of all is why the Easter Bunny brings eggs? Bunnies don’t lay eggs, chickens lay eggs. Should an Easter Chicken bring eggs? The Easter Bunny should bring, um, Easter Pellets?
Yeah, never mind. Let’s just stick with the eggs.