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Easter: International Holiday of Mystery

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Christmas is the most anticipated holiday, Halloween is the spookiest, but Easter is the most mysterious. Easter is shrouded in questions. Some of them have answers, some of them do not.

One of the greatest mysteries of Easter is the mystery of my favorite Easter candy, the Reese’s Peanut Butter Egg. Why does it taste better than the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup? They are both made by the same company. They are both made with peanut butter and chocolate, so why the difference?

Then, there is the mystery of how to boil the eggs. Why is it that I can never remember how long it takes to boil an egg? Every year we dye the eggs and I have to look up how to boil an egg on the Internet.

Not mysterious enough? Here’s another one. Why is it that they only put one metal egg dipper in the Easter egg coloring kit? Don’t they know that the average American family has 3.18 kids? Why not 3.18 dippers per box? Because that’s how they get ya, that’s why! If you want 3.18 of those ingeniously designed egg dippers, you’€™re going to have to buy 3.18 boxes of egg coloring. And you know you have to because spoons just don’t work as well. You just can’t dye eggs without those dippers!

Here is something you can do without: that annoying, green, fake grass that goes in the Easter baskets. That stuff gets everywhere! It’s like finding sand in your underwear days after you’ve been to the beach. Every year I end up cleaning up little strands of Easter grass until Independence Day.

Speaking of Independence Day, every year we know that Independence Day will be on the fourth of July, no fail. But, Easter changes from year to year. Why is that? This is a mystery that actually has an answer. According to the all-knowing Wiki:

€œEaster falls at some point between late March and late April each year, following the cycle of the moon. After several centuries of disagreement, all churches accepted the computation of the Alexandrian Church, now the Coptic church, that Easter is the first Sunday after the first fourteenth day of the moon (the Paschal full moon) that is on or after March 21st (the ecclesiastical spring, or vernal, equinox).

Clear as egg yolk? Good.

Although Easter Sunday changes from year to year, I never miss watching The Ten Commandments. What is the mystery in that? The mystery is this: How is it that year after year Yule Brenner just keeps getting sexier? I love it when he says, “€œMoses and the Hebrews think they can out-wise my fathah.”

My daughter, Mini Me, has an Easter mystery of her own. She can’€™t figure out why I will pay fifteen bucks to have her picture taken with a stranger in a Santa suit, but I won’€™t pay to have her picture taken with a stranger in a bunny suit. What can I say? The bunny creeps me out a little. The one at our mall needs a new costume. He looks like he has mange.

Oh, there are many things that are mysterious about Easter but probably the biggest mystery of all is why the Easter Bunny brings eggs? Bunnies don’t lay eggs, chickens lay eggs. Shoul€™d an Easter Chicken bring eggs? The Easter Bunny should bring, um, Easter Pellets?

Yeah, never mind. Let’€™s just stick with the eggs.

-Annie Payne

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Comments
  • comment avatar Katherine March 20, 2008

    So this just made me think of a movie that I haven’t watched in years. We had a movie when I was a kid that explains the easter bunny/ easter chicken dilema. The movie was “Yogi, The Easter Bear.” It actually has a easter chicken and explains why the bunny brings the eggs. I hadn’t thought about that in years.

  • comment avatar Janice March 20, 2008

    What a great post

  • comment avatar Millie March 20, 2008

    “Mange” made me laugh (go figure).

    See, what you do is save your little dippers with your Easter baskets. I started out with one dipper when Brennan was finally old enough to care about Easter – I now have, like, twelve. Thank goodness I don’t have that many children.

  • comment avatar Millie March 20, 2008

    It just hit me – maybe you don’t save your Easter baskets. 🙂 We’re too cheap to spring for new ones every year, so we save ours.

  • comment avatar carrie March 20, 2008

    Two thumps up! Fine Holiday fun.

  • comment avatar Alice H March 20, 2008

    Actually, you shouldn’t boil the eggs – boiling them is what causes that green color around the yolk. The best technique is to put them in a pot of cold water, completely covered, and bring the water to barely simmering. Turn off the heat and clamp on a lid, then wait – at Denver altitude wait about ten minutes. Your eggs will be ‘hard-boiled’ and won’t have the green stuff surrounding the yolk.

    And speaking of creepy bunnies…I spent a hundred bucks on Easter Bunny pics for my son’s first Easter, got them all mailed out to all the relatives, only to find this. (Not the tongue sticking out, I just bought one of that snapshot for grins. There’s something else there.)

  • comment avatar So Dak Angel March 20, 2008

    Bet if I was still Angel Bunny…you would let Mini me sit on my lap…wouldn’t ya!

  • comment avatar chel March 20, 2008

    I save all my stuff… am I cheap!! haha
    Well, or is it because I buy a Pottery Barn basket with names embroidered on the basket liner??

    I loved reading this! Why does the Easter bunny bring eggs? How in the world did that get started?

  • comment avatar Lisa March 20, 2008

    I always have to look up how to boil an egg! Great post!

  • comment avatar Nancy Face March 21, 2008

    I’m glad you cleared up that whole Easter/calendar/moon cycle thing!

    I’ve GOT to watch The Ten Commandments again! 🙂

  • comment avatar Annie March 21, 2008

    Alice H- Thanks! I am going to do it per your instructions this year. That will make for some really pretty deviled eggs later.

    Alice? Ahem. Are those bunnified testiculars I’m spying?

  • comment avatar Annie March 21, 2008

    I didn’t know they made anatomically correct bunny suits.

    If that is not what you are referring to in the picture, I am really embarassed right now.

  • comment avatar Anastasia Beaverhausen March 21, 2008

    You’re so right about the bunny at our mall Annie…it looks like RuPaul. The craziest eyelashes I’ve ever seen.

    I totally fell just a little bit more in love with you because we share a love for Yul. I love it when he says, “And so it shall be done” (I think that’s what it is…) It cracks me up and makes me swoon at the same time.

    ETCETERA ETCETERA

  • comment avatar elizabeth March 21, 2008

    He says “so let it be written; so let it be done”, Ms. B. 🙂
    Go to wiki and search for easter egg and you’ll find out they ‘why’ of Easter eggs.
    Every year I swear I’m gonna save the dippers! Millie has come up with the perfect solution.

  • comment avatar liz March 22, 2008

    David Sedaris has hilarious scene in his book “me talk pretty one day” where he’s in France trying, in French, to explain the Easter bunny.

    Yeah, in America, a bunny breaks into your house at night, to take the eggs you’ve colored out of the refrigerator and hides them around the house, and leaves candy droppings…

    stapletonians.blogspot.com

  • comment avatar Mitch McDad March 22, 2008

    I would like someone to explain why there is an Easter bunny at all. That’s the mystery.

    When Christ rose on the third day, did he roll the stone onto a rabbit?

  • comment avatar Physcokity March 25, 2008

    Mange haha mange… RuPaul with Mange. bwahaha.

    Annie you’re not alone in the ISpy pervy Easter Bunny shot. That was the only other thing I could think she was referrring to g’ew.

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