Mom guilt has become a buzz word, (term, really) the last several years. This idea that whether we’re at home, at work, doing something for ourselves or anyone other than our kids…we can feel guilty about it. I know this to be true, just as last weekend I went to go get my first real haircut in over a year and was feeling inklings of said guilt.
Jason has so much to do around the house, he really just needs to focus. I feel bad leaving him to watch the kids alone for a couple hours.
The dishes need to be put away, laundry needs to be folded…there’s not really time to get my haircut, right?
When you can take a step back and really look at those statements, it’s almost laughable. Like, what – your husband seriously can’t handle two hours (or four, or a whole day) with his children?(And honestly, my new haircut made me feel like a million bucks and was 110% worth it.) And were you really going to use those two hours to do dishes and laundry on a Saturday morning? Because, just sayin’…I wouldn’t.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure our grandmas weren’t sitting around talking about how guilty they felt all the time.
Mom guilt wasn’t a thing because it didn’t need to be.
At least from the stories I’ve heard from my grandmas and other women in their generation, women had the understanding that everyone was doing the best they could with what they had. While a lot of them stayed home with their children, some worked. And from the stories I’ve heard, it what a sense that you did what you needed to do for your family. Employers weren’t exactly knocking down women’s doors in 1955, if you know what I’m sayin’.
Social media adds so much fuel to this fire. We see snippets of everyone’s highlight reel:
Look at the certificate of my new promotion!
I just made the cutest seashell theme sandwich snacks for the kids with free-range, organic, gluten free ingredients – and it only took me 3 hours!
I’m not one to usually post stuff like this, but look at how this 5 calorie drink totally gave me rock hard abs! #noexcuses #I’mHangry #makemillionsfromhome
Obviously, I’m a bit tongue in cheek. Okay, and a total smart aleck. {Wink} But, really, ladies. I feel like if you are BREATHING it’s easy to get caught up in the perceptions of what other Mama’s lives are.
If you’re married, your husband should take the kids – all by himself {gasp!} – every once in awhile. And I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that you should do the same for him, too. When Jason lets me meet a friend for coffee I feel like a freakin’ new person. (Read: happier, more delightful human.) When I let Jason be a part of his hockey league, he is thankful and energized by doing something he loves.
Single Mamas: I pray you find someone who’s willing to help, or at least for you to ask for help. You’re doing a huge job, and need some time to unwind and relax.
I don’t think mom guilt is a category all of its own for the stay at home, working or even work-from-home mamas. Instead, I think mom guilt is super…and I was going to say universal, but honestly, it’s American. Western thinking at the very least. Women in developing countries are trying to survive – praying for income to come through a job, that their kids would get an education and for safety.
Here’s where I’m landing on all of this mom guilt business: as long as we’re living in the Western world, we’ll probably battle it to one extent or another. But what a beautiful gift we could give our kids if we lived bold, brave lives that embraced not only them, but ourselves, our spouses and our friends all at same time?
What if we weren’t either on the forefront or the back-burner, but just doing the best we can with what we have?
Life is too short to feel guilty about a haircut or a cup of coffee with a friend.
Our children deserve to see and live with fulfilled, well-rounded mamas.
Laura is a working girl turned stay-at-home mama to three kids. Recently settled in Denver, Colorado, she loves the fresh mountain air, family hikes, God, camping and a Starbucks on every corner. Read more at her lifestyle blog, Life as a Loewen.
Author: Mile High Mamas
Eve
This is so me. I put everyone ahead of myself and take care of my needs last. I need to remember I don’t have to be a martyr. When Mama ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy!
Lucy
Love this. Amen!
Amber Johnson
Hear, hear! I’m so guilty of this. My husband goes to a nice salon every month to get a haircut. I feel guilty spending too much money on my hair and go to those cheap clips places. Not this month! I booked myself a hair appointment to get my hair highlighted and cut. When I told my husband, I almost asked permission and then realized the only person who needs to give me permission is myself. I need to allow myself the luxury more often!