This year, as in the years past, my family and I went to Belize for vacation. We love the country, the people, this piece of heaven. Our digs in Ambergris Caye are the magazine-perfect tropical picture. Upon arrival to paradise, as the social media whor-lly cow, I almost dropped the “W” bomb-I meant as the social media queen, I promptly posted pictures on my Facebook, with the witty comments people by now I’m sure are expecting from me.
I was looking forward to pool lounging pictures, swimming with sharks and stingray pictures, impromtu, natural-looking pictures (after playing with makeup for about an hour), the whole enchilada. Well, I did all that: lounging by the pool, swimming with sharks (I mean, how cool am I at this point?) and stingrays, etc.
But truth is, you ain’t seeing any pictures of the author. You see, when I arrived, I looked tanned and healthy (spray-tan, just to give me that tropical glow, as I step off the plane), my hair coiffed to almost perfection, discreet make up, Jackie-O glasses and manner.
Right about now, I am looking more like a chicken-pox stricken model from Weird Science Magazine. Let’s just start with that. Upon arriving at our sprawling digs in Amergris Caye, we had the fortune of meeting two amazing couples, American expats living in Belize. Incredibly warm, funny, welcoming, generous. You get the idea. My family instantly attached itself like leeches to these wonderful people. The first night, they invited us on their cool boat, for a trip to Caye Caulker for an exotic dinner and what they loosely call the sports bar (the only sports bar I know with one TV). Anywhoo, after a few hours of fun and banter, we returned to our said digs, most of us happy and grateful.
By that time, however, I seem to have rid myself of all social manners and was instead scratching like an ape. Especially on the right side. Apparently, yours truly became a feast for the famous Caye Caulker sand flies and is allergic to these creatures’ bites. So I want you to pause for a moment and imagine the whole right side (hand and leg, and back) filled with pustules. Sexy, huh? Let’s just conclude by saying the Anti Itch Continuous Spray and Benadryl Gel my awesome neighbors insisted on providing me, while discreetly averting their eyes, became my most trusted companions.
As I am sitting in my sprawling digs, I am gingerly moving my butt cheeks, rocking gently from side to side. Yesterday, yours truly went on an awesome snorkling expedition on the famous Hol Chan Marine Reserve. Perfect sunny weather, amazing guide. I was in awe at the nurse sharks surrounding us, the stingray calming passing by, the amazing reef and fish variety that was all around us. Waves gently rocking us as we abandoned ourselves in the beauty below us…wait. stop. The same gentle waves in reality made Yours Truly so sea sick, we had to stop the said a-mazing expedition, and instead expedite the trip back to the digs, lest a barfing session is one’s idea for a perfect trip.
But back to my gingerly butt cheeks. Despite adding generous amounts of sunscreen, while covering my top body with a rash guard (still confused about the name, since it seems to do me no good in that area), I woke up this morning with a burning sensation in my gluts area. I know what you are thinking. All that work with the snorkling flippers must have done some good to my already hard-as-a-rock bums. You’d be wrong. Except for the area my tiny bikini provided as a pathetic cover, my lower back and bums area are a nice lobster-shade of red. They (the hard-as-rock lobster cheeks) are constantly throbing like a morse code.
Speaking of that famous lobster shade-of-red, not to be outdone, the front side of me decided to compete with the back side. Not to be accused of symetry, the front side goes like this: One half-inch of angry red at the hairline (where the snorkling mask did not cover) and one very angry red shin area on the…you guessed it, RIGHT side. Ankle and thigh not included.
Remember that spray-tan glow I was talking about upon arriving in Belize? Well, don’t be surprised if I arrive back home with more of a Feta-glow. There have been complains from pilots landing planes in Ambergris Caye that a ray of blinding white light has been coming from the Hol Chan area. I’m saying nuttin’.
Finally, I would like to mention my famous mane nowadays looks more like a bird nest surrounded by a frizzy halo than the gorgeous waves my Facebook profile picture showcases.
Alas, despite the sun-burnt, chicken-pox right side of me, the averted eyes of anyone who is lucky enough to encounter me, this trip has been loads of fun. Now I have to excuse myself, as it is 8 a.m. and I am late for my rum punch date in the pool. It’s the only thing that helps me forget.
Anca is a Romanian-American, Chinese language double-major (it is true). PR professional from Littleton. She is married with two kids, Matei (ten) and Ella (seven-going-on-15). Being told quite often by the said seven-going-on-15 year old that she will be FIRED (“fired” do you hear me??) from her job as a mom, Anca often takes it to writing to express the joys of parenthood. Which are often enhanced by the Malbec.
Author: Mile High Mamas
Amber Johnson
OK, this made me laugh out loud. We’ve never had something like this happen but my gosh, if we haven’t had explosive diarrhea on camping trips, thrown up a Disney, gotten sick not once but TWICE in a row on a trip to Beaver Creek. I could write a novel about Murphy’s Law and travel!!
Ashley
Oh, you poor dear. I had a huge allergic reaction to something I ate in Mexico. I was miserable for most of the trip. I wonder if travel insurance covers such things? 🙂
Cory Dudley
Wow, what a terrible experience! Although I think it’s great that you can write about it with such light-heartedness and take something from it. Good luck on your next family adventure!