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Motherhood: Sometimes Not Very Lucky and Not at all Charming

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The scene: My littlest two boys are in bed for midday naps. Fuzzles, the ten month old, is secure in his crib while Scooby, the two year old, is in his room— hopefully asleep, but if not, at least he’s trapped: his door doesn’t have a lock, but it’s very tricky and in three weeks here he hasn’t yet been able to open it. The other two kids (Bubba, 4, and Princess Fluffy, 5) are outside playing on the park with some friends.

And I, well, I need a break. I see this moment of solitude as the perfect time to fill a hot bath and indulge for a few minutes— recharge the ol’ batteries, doncha know. A rare pleasure indeed.

And so, I immerse myself into the delicious water and close my eyes. Ahhhhh. After a minute, I hear some strange noises. I open my eyes to find Scooby (who not only got out of his bedroom but also apparently climbed up the pantry shelf) lording an open box of Lucky Charms over my bathtub. Before I scream, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” he turns the box over and the bathtub is suddenly full of Lucky Charms.

“Oh my gosh, how am I going to clean this up?” I say out loud. Scooby has an idea. He begins scooping the cereal out of the water and ravenously eats it. “Ewww! Ick! No, no!” I squeal.

I busy myself with trying to get the cereal out and keeping Scooby from snarfing it all down when I hear yet more noises. I turn to see Princess Fluffy and all of the neighbor children STARING at me. Me. Naked. In the bathtub. With all of my bits exposed. And let’s not forget the Lucky Charms floaties. (And now I’m just certain that their parents are going to sue me for the therapy that will now be necessary.) At this point I begin shrieking, “GET OUT!!! GET OUT!!!! GET OUT!!!!” And eventually, they catch on, and leave. Clever little things.

That’ll show me for trying to take a break. Mommy never EVER gets a break. I should know that by now….

Brillig speaks four languages, has lived on four continents, and had four children in four and a half years. 

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Comments
  • comment avatar Amber October 3, 2008

    Evidently lucky charms are more than magically delicious. 🙂

    And about mama never getting a break? The sad realities of life!

  • comment avatar Carol October 3, 2008

    Oh!! wow!! I am feeling mortified for you.

    This is why I just skipped right over that age and obtained a teenager. Being a stepmom does have it’s advantages occasionally… well… right up until she finds a serious boyfriend and then the fun is over for me.

  • comment avatar Kimberly October 3, 2008

    Oh honey! Ow ow ow! Not just the anticipated alone time ruined, but complete mortification on top of that! Argh! I can’t even laugh!

  • comment avatar Kateastrophe October 3, 2008

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

    That is all.

  • comment avatar Lori October 3, 2008

    Too bad it wasn’t a milk bath.

    Such a funny scene. But not funny at the same time. Sitcom funny, you could say.

  • comment avatar Melissa October 3, 2008

    OH MY GOSH! I would be completely and utterly mortified if that happened to me (the neighbor kids and all). And knowing my daughter, she’d fill in all the neighbor kids that weren’t there on what they missed.

  • comment avatar Marge October 3, 2008

    Bwahaha!
    If you had read your mommy manual you might have seen the section strongly warning against the use of rechargable batteries.
    Um, and recharging batteries in the bathtub is also not advisable.

  • comment avatar charrette October 3, 2008

    HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA! I love this story more than life itself! Last summer on a very long van trip with the kids I managed to keep Jeff awake enough to drive the the kids completely entertained by telling them all this story. But nothing beats hearing you tell it!

    I swear the best, funniest, wackiest things in the world happen directly to you, just so you can write about them! I do believe the universe hand-selects storytellers in just this way. 🙂

  • comment avatar Novembrance October 3, 2008

    Oh, this should be in a movie. Or at least in a TV show. It needs to be filmed. You’re a genius storyteller, you are.

    http://novembrance.blogspot.com

  • comment avatar Karlene October 3, 2008

    That’s a story that will never get old. Your kids will be telling it at your 90th birthday party. 🙂

  • comment avatar Novembrance October 3, 2008

    This needs to be in a film, or at least on a TV show. You’re a brilliant storyteller!

  • comment avatar Lisa in Poland October 4, 2008

    Oh my gosh. That is an amazing story. There are a whole slew of semi phobias for me there. Having my relaxing time interrupted, being seen naked, having weird stuff floating in the bath with me, etc. etc. Yikes! (okay so some of those weren’t actually phobias until AFTER I read this post.) Makes for a great story, though!

  • comment avatar jen of a2eatwrite October 4, 2008

    Way too funny! I don’t think you could have timed this better.

    OTOH, life just isn’t fair sometimes.

  • comment avatar Half-Past Kissin' Time October 5, 2008

    OMG-that’s adorably hilarious 🙂

    http://www.halfpastkissintime.com

  • comment avatar Gunfighter October 6, 2008

    Bwaaaahahahahahahahahaha!

  • comment avatar Gunfighter October 6, 2008
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  • comment avatar cheri October 9, 2008

    This story made my day with two little ones seem easy!

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