Confessions of a sleep deprived mother: 10 things I’ve done because I’m tired
posted by: Christina Antus
Everyone told me that eventually my babies would sleep through the night. I went through a euphoric period when they finally slept for eight glorious, uninterrupted hours. Sadly, this period of time was very short lived because my infants became toddlers. And my toddlers don’t sleep.
Most nights my kids are too busy not sleeping to be bothered with sleep. Their little minds are consumed with important things that are most concerning to a tiny tot. Like, how to move their balloon, which is tied to their footboard, to their headboard. At 3 a.m. They want to know what the cat’s doing. They’re kind of thirsty. They need help finding a toy they saw once a few weeks ago. At a friend’s house.
When my oldest daughter turned two, she started getting up at all hours of the night. She’d come into our bedroom, just to say hi. Or maybe she’d say nothing at all and just stand there staring at us. Waiting. What for? I don’t know. For us to wake up, maybe. For the mothership? Possibly.
The issue with this whole getting up at night business meant I wasn’t getting any sleep. When I don’t get much sleep, I do things that aren’t right. I don’t think clearly. I don’t act like a normal human being. I do things like:
- Pour pepper on the counter. In my mind, I needed pepper on my bowl of soup. In reality, the soup was still in the microwave.
- Put the milk in the pantry.
- Forget my daughter’s name for two weeks. True story.
- Get in the car, only to realize my daughter was still in the house. Hey, I didn’t leave.
- Put my baby’s diaper on backwards.
- Put coffee grounds in a cereal bowl.
- Go all the way out to the garbage can before realizing I left the trash bag inside.
- Put my daughter’s leg in between the snapped portion of her sleeper, thinking it was the leg hole.
- Forget what I’m talking about right in the middle of talking about it.
- Set a cup of coffee down, get sidetracked, and never find it again.
Eventually, I’ll do a post about things I’ve done because I can’t remember anything anymore. You know, because of “mommy brain.” This particular post will include the time I accidentally left my cat in my bedroom for a week while we went on vacation. Tip from me: The laundry detergent that hunters use to take the smell out of their clothes also takes cat pee out of everything.
Don’t judge me.
Christina lives in Denver with her husband, two daughters and a cat who is so fat, she has her own gravitational pull. She was recently featured on the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop, and added “first-place winner in the 2013 Boulder Writers’ Workshop Comedy Writing Contest” to her list of accomplishments—it’s above changing a diaper with only one hand and answering the same question 147 times in a single minute. You can find her cleaning cracker crumbs and socks out of the fish tank at: raisinsandgoldfish.com.