How A Mom Can Tell It’s May

The Sandman used a little too much of his magic on you one night, months ago, and you just woke up out of a deep, deep slumber. You can braid your leg hair. The phrase “I’m gonna pop some tags” means nothing to you. Your pajamas have little snowmen on them, but lilacs are blooming outside. From visual clues, you conclude it’s mid-spring but can’t be sure. Your kids bound into your bedroom, thrilled to see mommy conscious.

“Get up, mom!”

You send them to fetch the coffee maker. After setting it up on the nightstand, waiting for a pot to brew, and taking a few painful gulps, they begin to speak in a frenzied verbal jumble:

“Mommy! We missed you! We need at least a dozen glue sticks and 5 poster boards for projects due tomorrow, the next day, and the day after that day. There’s a violin concert tonight AND a choir concert, too—at the same time! Isn’t that funny? I need a new shirt for the dance, I need a hair cut for the dance, can I get some Axe for the dance? Make sure our class t-shirts are clean for field day, which are all on different days but it’s really important for you to be at each. You’re in charge of passing out popsicles, remember? Here are all of our permission slips for field trips. We’ll need our class t-shirts for those, along with hats and disposable lunches and water bottles, plus we need money to give to the school by tomorrow, cash only, we added it up and it’s $86.47. CASH ONLY. We told our teachers you’ll chaperone because we saw you twitch yesterday. I still need to learn all my lines for the play, plus I need a Mountain Man costume and beard by the day after tomorrow. My continuation is coming and I need photos for the presentation, a new tie, and I’ll need a haircut for that.”

They pause, briefly, with eyebrows raised and cheeks flushed. The coffee maker belches steam with a hiss. The kids continue:

“My AP Euro test is in two days, but it’s not at school, you’ll have to drop me off and pick me up. We’ll need help memorizing our lines and can you listen to the speech I wrote? Do you know where the green and blue polka dot tie is, I told someone he could borrow it tomorrow. Also, we can’t find some of our library books and they must all be turned in by this time next week or else there will be fines and replacement costs. The finals schedule was just released and it’s really confusing and I’ll need your help to figure it out and did I mention I’m supposed to be in Boulder to sing at graduation? I didn’t?”

“It’s May, isn’t it?” you whisper as you fall back onto the yellowed pillow, crusty with drool. You don’t care.

May will do that to a mom.

Author: gretchen