Mom Memories: “The Feeling” of Motherhood
posted by: Kendra Scott
Some days it still doesn’t seem real because some days, it seems too good to be true. Me. A mom.
My husband and I always knew we wanted to have kids. Even before we were married we would talk about our imaginary family and we even had names picked out for our imaginary kids. Staying up late at night, heads on our pillows, staring at one another just dreaming, laughing, hoping.
We were married for 4 years before we felt ready to turn those dreams into a reality. It took us a little over a year before becoming pregnant. That was a very long year. That “time of the month” became a horrible reminder we weren’t having a baby and every month it was harder and harder. Until one day…
July 27th, 2010. It was a beautiful day and I never thought the simple act of peeing on a stick would bring us so much joy! Well, I actually peed on 5 sticks because I just couldn’t believe it! Hubby and I spent the following 9 months staying up late at night, heads on our pillows, staring at one another just dreaming, laughing, hoping. Doing what expectant parents do.
March 31st, 2011 my son was born and a mom was born at the same time. There is no greater joy than holding your baby in your arms for the first time. It can be described with elaborate adjectives and metaphors but nothing can truly do it justice. It is perfection.
Then there was “the feeling.” I experienced it soon after my son was born. It hit me like a ton of bricks and it is a memory I have held dear to my heart and always will.
I was still in the hospital and my husband had run home to shower leaving me alone with my newborn baby for the first time.
I slowly paced the room a brand new mom with my son in my arms, bundled up like a peanut against my chest. I kissed the top of his irresistibly soft head and inhaled that delicious baby smell, when it hit me.
It took my breath away…
In that moment I felt warmth in my heart I didn’t know I was capable of feeling. Gravity pulling me closer and closer to my baby. I felt a sense of responsibility greater than anything I’d experienced to date. I was also terrified to the very core of my being, feeling overwhemlingly vulnerable. Scared I wouldn’t be good enough in my new role or somehow fail. At the same time I felt empowered that I just brought this perfect life into the world and he belonged to me.
I experienced distinct confliction of clueless and unsure yet instinctually aware. I felt giddy and excited about the future. I felt proud of my new little family.
In that moment I understood what was expected of me. I felt that my whole purpose in life would be to protect, nurture and love this baby. This feeling opened me up to the most raw and inspiring love that even to this day makes me lose my breath.
When I was finally able to exhale it didn’t take long for me to understand what the feeling I had experienced was.
It was motherhood. And it felt good.
Kendra is a full-time working mom to a precocious toddler and baby girl and wife to her long-time sweetheart. At “My Full-Thyme Life” (http://myfullthymelife.blogspot.com) she writes about the attempts at balancing her cherished roles as wife, mom and key employee.