Between parenting fails — that morning when you had no unmoldy bread in the house for school lunches, the time you yelled at one kid when you were actually frustrated with the other, the day you mortified your child because you didn’t expect to have to get out of the car at drop-off and here you are in your jammy bottoms in the classroom — between parenting fails we all enjoy the occasional parenting win.
These are moment to treasure and savor, these times when, through design or accident, you play your hand well. It’s nice to be able to see the whole chessboard when you son or daughter is still focused on only a square or two. Here are two of my recent parenting wins.
~~~~~
“But mo-oooooo-mmmmm,” (Reed’s exasperation results in superfluous syllables), “Weeding will take forEVER!”
“It’ll take only 20 minutes.”
“Twenty minutes?? That’s forEVER!” whines my son.
“Really? Twenty minutes is a long time?” I query.
“Ye-eeee-sss!” (three syllables), “It’s waaay too long!”
“Twenty minutes is a really really long time?” I press.
“Ye-eeee-ssss! It’s a freaking long time!! “(I’ve pushed him to the limit and he’s used the dreaded but occasionally tolerated small-f-word.)
Checkmate.
“Soooooo…I’m gonna be really generous with you, then. As a reward for weeding for 20 looooooong minutes, tonight you’re also gonna get 20 minutes on the Wii — an eternity!”
“Mo-ooo-mmmmmm…that’s not fair!!”
~~~~~
“Tessa, those shorts are too short.”
“They’re not, mom.”
“They don’t meet the school’s test. The school rule is that the shorts need to fall lower than your fingertips.”
“See, Mom?” She tugs on the shorts, dragging the crotch way down as she hikes her shoulders up to her ears. Her fingertips are now 6 inches above the bottom of her shorts. “The shorts are longer than my fingers.”
“That’s cheating.”
“Mo-oooooo-mmmmm!” my daughter, too, is a syllable multiplier. “All the other girls wear shorts like this!”
“All the other girls don’t have me as a mom.”
“I’m wearing them and you can’t stop me.” Her lower jaw juts.
Gambit: “You’re right. I will not tackle you and take those shorts off you today.”
She pauses to think, her jaw retracting.
“Is this where you tell me I can win the battle but I’ll lose the war?”
“Yup.”
Checkmate.
“And I’ll never see the shorts again if I wear them today?”
“Yup.”
“You’re mean!”
“Yup.”
Don’t mess with the Queen.
Tell about one of your parenting wins. What was it about? How did it play out?
Image: Salvatore Vuono at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Adapted from LavenderLuz.com.
Lori is occasionally Queen for a Day with her tweens Tessa and Reed. She and her family live in the metro-Denver area. She writes regularly at LavenderLuz.com and her first book, The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption, will be published by Rowman & Littlefield, available in mid-2013.
Author: Lori Holden
Tami
Over the summer, my healthy eater became a picky nose-turn-upper. Night after night I’d hear “I’m full” while the plate is snatched away, scraped into the trash can, tucked into the dishwasher.
Somewhere during the free-for-all summer, we had lost our routine. The little guy who usually tied on his apron and “helped” me cook dinner was outside until the very last minute, sometimes even after the street light came on. (Gasp!)
Even brighter than the street light was the reminder of my #1 strategy to get kids to eat healthy: Kids eat what they cook.
I got out the handy chopper
Marie DeWolfe
I’ve had that same argument with my teen over short shorts! The thing that came to mind during reading this was when my oldest son was around 2 years old.
I’d always sworn I would not put my knick knacks up when I had kids, they would be taught, instead, to not mess with them.
Apparently, that worked. I was dusting one day and moving the knick knacks around so I could dust underneath them, he came up beside me and grabbed my hand as I reached for one.
“No No Mommy! Don’t Touch!” he said.
I had to laugh, because he’d learned that lesson well.
Tami
(Accidentally hit “submit”)
Together we headed down to the garden to select our veggies and herbs, dusted off the neglected veggie chopper, and my 7 year old chopped the veggies, stirred them into the sauce I made, and he seasoned it just right.
And that night, he licked his plate, clean.
Kids eat what they cook.
Hopefully next summer I will remember that when I hear the words, “I’m full.”
Lori Holden
That’s not only a great story — it’s a wonderful lesson!
Amber Johnson
Ha! Though we’re in what I like to call the “good years” (between toddler meltdowns and tween/teen hormones), I had one of those moments. My kids don’t get sent to time-out very often anymore but when they do, I feel like the crime doesn’t fit the punishment and I need to be more creative.
A couple of weeks ago, my daughter threw the biggest fit over her assignment to help empty the garbage at our service day at the church. She even went as far as to HIDE under the piano. Her punishment? She had to go home and do both her chores and her brother’s chores.
She whined once but knew I meant business. And I don’t think she’ll be a reluctant server anytime soon.
Lori Holden
But I bet her brother wouldn’t mind if she repeated her reluctance 😉
Good story!
Daria
I have thought of this often as I had this exact same conversation with my 10 year old about her shorts. 🙂 It’s amazing I said – when you were born you didn’t have shoulders attached to your ears, is that how you intend to walk around all day? Because if not, those shorts are TOO short. Argh – this was the first day of school. Since then I think we’ve worked out a truce. I”m not a queen of the chessboard yet, but maybe a knight. 🙂
Lori Holden
Knight takes pawn, sometimes with more fanfare than a queen does!
Kat Meller
My kids are older now – my baby just went away for her last 2 years in college – but I tried to pick my battles, especially with my daughter and her clothes. Some things I didn’t like but if they weren’t overly revealing she would wear them. When she crossed that line she didn’t leave the house no matter what it was for. Today we may still wear things I don’t like but at least I’ve never seen anything too revealing. So take heart – it really does sink in and become part of their thought process
Lisa Vratny-Smith
Love your stories, Lori’s and the rest. It’s so fun to to know that those are win-win situations because we successfully set limits and our children learn valuable lessons.
We had a bit of drama yesterday with some inappropriate phone usage that revealed more than expected. While we remained calm (yeah, mom and dad!!) asking questions, deducing the truthfulness of the answers, and taking time to consider what the consequences would be, the boy became a blubbering mess begging me to cancel his phone plan so he wouldn’t have the temptation anymore. Hilarious!
I got in some good Love and Logic lessons talking about small consequences now versus big ones later on and would that really solve the problem or does he need practice making better decisions?
We’ll sit with it a bit longer being sure to tell him not to worry about the consequences, we’ll talk with our friends and get back to him. 🙂
Lori Holden
Ahhh….phones. Uncharted water for my generation, considering we don’t get to model how our parents taught us about cell phones (and the whole Internet, for that matter).
I love the L&L tactic: “Don’t worry about your consequences now. We’ll figure that out later.” Sure to induce squirms!