My generation is no stranger to witnessing horrible moments in human history. We remember where we were when the Challenger exploded. Many of us were watching it on live TV. I was in 9th grade AA Civics, listening to a kid give a speech on air safety when the principal broke over the intercom with the news.
When the Columbine massacre occurred, I was a young mom of two very small kids. I watched it unfold on television, stunned how children could commit atrocities aimed at other children. On 9/11, I was home with three small ones and pregnant with our fourth baby. As they spent the day parked in front of Nick Jr. and the Disney Channel, I was in an adjoining room watching the towers fall. When they came to me for snacks and diaper changes, I’d turn the small TV toward the wall. They were too young to see, too young to understand. Heck. I still don’t understand.
I wondered what kind of a world my unborn baby would be born into.
But kids don’t stay small forever. They begin to partake in the good and bad of our society on a bigger scale. When tragedies happen, my impulse is to turn the channel, to protect them from learning that evil has once again encroached in a place where good usually reigns. I fight telling them. I delay it as long as possible. But evil permeates, soaking through the edges, bleeding into view until we must sit. We must talk. We watch the news in small batches.
There is no escape because it’s a lesson that will not be brushed off or denied. It wants to be taught: Evil is real. There are bad people who do horrible things to other people, at times and in places the victims least expect. Mass casualties are expected at a war front. They are not expected at a school, theater, restaurant, office building. Revealing this awful truth to kids is never done on our timetable as parents. We don’t sit with our kids to discuss these events when there is peace in our town. It takes a tragedy to inspire these conversations.
The recent and devastating forest fires in Colorado forced us to discuss wildfires with our five-year-old daughter. She was convinced our house would catch on fire, too. At her young age, she is able to see if it can happen to others, it can happen to her and to her family. She knows there is no immunity from pain and heartbreak. I hate that she knows this already, but I also realize it means something good.
It means she sees herself as a part of a bigger world, bigger than her bedroom with her dollhouse and the drawings she pins to her walls. It’s the stirring of sympathy and empathy we all need to develop or we turn into someone, something ugly. Monstrous. Letting my older kids feel the sting and shock of what happened in Aurora a few days ago will affect them to their cores. They learn to mourn when others mourn.
Time will carry us away from this July and this bizarrely hard year in Colorado’s history. The good times will be sweeter. Victories will be more meaningful. Triumph, laughter, joy will be rooted more deeply. Justice, you will be done.
When that time comes, I hope I will sit with my kids. Talk with them. Just as bad times inspire meaty, challenging conversations, I hope the good times will, too. As low as we can sink, we must remember there will come a time when we will fly just as high.
For now, our family joins with thousands of others in holding the hands of those who mourn.
Author: gretchen
Amber Johnson
Beautifully written, Gretchen. I especially love “As low as we can sink, we must remember there will come a time when we will fly just as high.”
Prayers to the many victims.
Melissa Taylor @imaginationsoup
It does scare kids when such random bad things happen — it scares me, too. We have to reassure our children that there are more good guys than bad, we love them, and we will do everything we can to keep them safe — as will their teachers at school. (This gives me awful flashbacks of Columbine when I taught 5th grade. We locked down the school and spent a lot of time with the kids that week talking about how we would keep them safe.)
Michelle
I openly watch the news with the kids around, if there are questions about anything they see, I talk to them about it the best I can. I don’t want my kids scared of their own shadows or afraid to leave the house. I have a relative that is so scared of strangers kidnapping her child that she has her own child scared to go outside or any where. Hubby took our daughter to the movies over the weekend with no fears. I was way more worried about grems that might be picked up
Liz Weaver
I agree Gretchen – I put off telling me 12 year old and 8 year old because I was afraid for them – afraid of the nightmares they may have, afraid of the world. But at the same time I know I can’t. It’s times like these that give us the opportunity to teach them how we can be better people. I told my kids never to stop telling people they love that they care, never be too busy to listen to someone’s problems, always be there for your friends – try to stay positive and be cheerful to everyone you pass – you never know if you will be the one that turns that person’s day around. And most of all to trust your parents why they make the decisions they make to protect them- such as saying why they can’t watch a movie because it’s inappropriate – even though someone else’ parents say it’s ok. I hope that this experience and tragedy can bring out more love for everyone and people will slow down to share the simple lessons in life.
amy
I’ve been thinking about this. I don’t watch TV news, not to shield my children, but I just find it sensational and irritating. I stay informed through the newspaper (both paper and internet) and radio. Sometimes the kids hear what’s on the radio and ask a question, but most of the time, they are not focused on the stories. Sometimes I draw their attention to newspaper articles, but it’s not as attention grabbing as video. I would like them to be more aware of current events, but not necessarily through the lens of television news coverage. Maybe somebody knows of some good online sites with video?
Susan
Gretchen – this is a beautifully written piece. I struggle with this every time there is a big news event. I don’t want to traumatize my children or expose them to the bad things in the world, but on the other hand, I want them to be strong and not naive to tragic and celebratory events in history. The yin and the yang. I also don’t want another kid to inform my kids about news items because they usually give a much scarier and beefed up kids-perspective that is more terrifying, especially if my kids aren’t already aware.
Carla
Thanks for the words!
Shayne
Beautifully written, Gretchen. When I woke up last Friday morning and saw the news, I couldn’t believe my eyes. As the morning progressed, I realized the kids would be awake soon, and I’d have to make a decision about whether to let them see the news or not. I ultimately decided to turn the TV off, but I did let them know what had happened. They were, of course, shocked and saddened and confused about why someone would do such a thing.
I was pregnant with our first child on 9/11. For many years, I sheltered them from TV coverage on the anniversary of that tragedy and video replays of the towers falling (I couldn’t even stand to watch it myself, honestly). On the 10th anniversary, last year, NBC replayed (in prime time) their broadcast of the Today Show from the morning of 9/11/01. The boys had been asking me questions about the events of that day, as they had heard a lot about it leading up to the milestone anniversary. I asked if they wanted to watch the Today Show replay, and they said yes. I was worried they’d be frightened. But they weren’t. They asked lots of questions, which led to a meaningful discussion with them.