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Consumer / Holidays / Humor

Online Christmas Shopping Haiku

On Cyber Monday
Shopping while in pajamas
encouraged by all.

Nobody will know
I fill my baskets with things
Probably won’t buy.

“Free Shipping!” stores claim.
But I must spend hundred bucks?
No thank you. Really.

Nothing makes me scream
like the “Out of Stock!” message
when clicking checkout.

No, I will not wait
until February for
anything, dumb store.

Children not happy
with empty box: IOU!
(for some strange reason)

Shopping now complete!
Feeling smug in my jammies
Now it’s time to wait.

Look at me! No malls!
Self-congratulatory,
insufferable.

Online shoppers are
much more relaxed until “out
for delivery.”

Fair UPS truck,
with your deep luscious rumbling.
Stop here! Stop here! Brake!

UPS driver
I see you at neighbor’s door.
Have nothing for me?

Staring at tracking:
Morning, midday, night obsessed
“In Transit” but crushed.

Truck rumbles away
taking high expectations,
leaves befuddlement.

I shall fantasize
about chasing big brown trucks
all over the town.

“Pull over!’ I shout
like a lady who lost it,
‘My parcels on board!”

Online shopping has
headaches and heartaches as well.
Still? Better than mall.

The only downside—
no long lines, no sick shoppers,
Oh, wait. No downside!

~~~~~

What percentage of Christmas shopping do you do online? 

For more Christmas shopping haikus, pop over to my previous ode to mall shopping, haiku style.

 

gretchen
Author: gretchen

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8 Comments

  1. Hahahaha! I hate the mall, exponentially more when it is busy. However, I can’t say I do most of my shopping online either. In fact, now I’m stumped. Where *do* I do most of my Christmas shopping? Target, Costco, REI and plenty ‘o gift cards!

  2. I’d respond in Haiku but alas, I’m not as talented as you. Funny.

  3. I started shopping for decorative items for my Miami apartment on line as I didn’t want to go scouting all over for unique peaces of furtniture, etc.. Then I started ordering phones and phone cards on line on the Tracfone web. I think that’s when I got hooked to online shopping, as I got free delivery each time, I got a free phone every time I ordered a phone card. Now I’ve got these (free) phones to give as stocking fillers for my grand kids. I like the idea of getting free delivery and not leaving my home, and as for black Friday, I’ll leave that to the young and strong shopping wrestlers. I do about 35% of my shopping on line.

  4. Terrific!

    I’m at about 99% online. I’m with you chasing brown trucks!

  5. That was impressive!!

  6. The Christmas shoppers
    make me want to run and hide.
    I do not like crowds.

    Cars, cars everywhere.
    The traffic is a nightmare.
    Killing Christmas joy.

    But wait! I’m at home!
    Gifts are just a click away.
    Shipped right to my door.

    What could be better?
    The joy of Christmas is once
    again in my heart.

    I do almost all of my shopping on line. 🙂

  7. Some. It varies each year. I probably average at least 50% online. Last year was a lot online. It depends on how organized I am too.

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