My husband Jamie and I are different.
Sure, in many ways we think alike, have the same interests and similar methodology with raising our children.
But we go about life very differently. He is low-key. Methodical. Wise.
I am not.
One of the areas in which we are most different is how we need to connect. I am physical. I crave affection. My 4-year-old son Bode is the same and we maul each other all day long with kisses and snuggles whereas my 6-year-old Hadley barely likes to be touched. Jamie is somewhere in the middle.
We both work from home and in such a setting, you would think we see each other all day. This is not the case and he often spends most of the day (and sometimes the evening) holed up in his basement den.
At the conclusion of one such day, I desperately wanted to snuggle up and just talk to him.
He just wanted to unwind by watching TV.
Like an annoying younger sibling I kept pressing him for conversation while his eyes remained glued on the television. Finally, exasperated he said, “You know you talk too much.”
“But I just want to talk to you tonight,” I sulked.
“I AM talking to you,” he professed.
“Oh really? About what?”
“About not talking to me.”
==============
Your Love Language
Everyone has a different way of showing love to one another. A couple of years ago, a friend introduced me to Dr. Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages. According to him, there are five key categories, or five love languages, proved to be universal and comprehensive, which are:
*Words of Affirmation
*Quality Time
*Receiving Gifts
*Acts of Service
*Physical Touch
The key is identifying which of the love languages you most embrace in your life and recognizing which ones most resonate in others.
The Quiz
Dr. Chapman has a short online quiz for adults, childrens, teens and singles that helps with the identification process. The 5 Love Languages is not just about solidifying romantic relationships.
In fact, in going through the quiz for my children, I recognized how differently they respond to and need affection. My son was easy to figure out because we both love to snuggle. My daughter’s love language, however, is not physical touch and after taking the quiz, I realized she responds best to positive words of affirmation. This knowledge has helped me become a better mother because I understand how to fulfill each child’s individual needs.
So, be sure to head over to http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/ and take the 30-question quiz and report back. The results may just surprise you…and help with your relationships!
Author: Amber Johnson
Amber is the founder and editor of Mile High Mamas, travel writer and former columnist for The Denver Post. She is a passionate community builder and loves the outdoors. She has two awesome teens and is happily married to a man obsessed with growing The Great Pumpkin.
Candace
OK, this is both surprising and interesting. Turns out, I’m Receiving Gifts. Something I already knew but I never recognized it as a “love language.” Problem is my spouse rarely gifts me gifts. I don’t really want/need big gestures but a note here or there, occasional flowers. I think I’m going to subtly leave my findings on his pillow and have him take the quiz. To be honest, I’m not sure what the results will be.
Amber's Crazy Bloggin' Canuck
It IS interesting, isn’t it? Some people really skew in one direction while others have several as their love language. It really helped me with my relationship with my daughter. I went from feeling rejected because she never wanted to snuggle or be affection to recognizing that is just not the way way she is wired to express love.
Lori Lavender Luz
Excellent resource, Amber. I, too, think this might help with my children as well as my husband.
Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!
Jaime Swartzendruber
Too funny! Nick and I have greatly benefited from Dr. Chapman’s information 😉 He also has an excellent email newsletter, “A Love Language Minute”…I highly recommend it!
Holly
Cool posting. I got the book to find out your children’s love languages. Then after reading it, I found out mine are too young to tell yet, and I’m just going to have to guess until they’re older!
Amber's Crazy Bloggin' Canuck
Love the idea of a newsletter and I’m off to subscribe.
My kiddos are only 4 and 6 but based on the kids quiz, I could easily figure out what direction they skew. In fact, both of them have been that way since birth i.e. daughter never liked to be held but loved to be talked to and son was a cuddly leach. 🙂
Keith S
My wife and I did the love language quiz a long time ago. I think it’s important to recognize the ways our spouse need our love and to recognize when they are showing it to us. It isn’t always as strait forward as it may seem. Great post!
Holly at Tropic of Mom
Thanks for writing about the love languages. I think it can really make a difference. I know without taking the quiz I am acts of service and words of affirmation. Still trying to figure out my family, though. 🙂
serf rett
Five Love Languages is a good resource. It can be very beneficial when we understand how others are wired.
What is Jamie’s love language? I hope it’s not quality time with the TV, because I don’t remember that gift being mentioned when I read the book around eight years ago.
Some other good personally “tests” are:
Taylor Johnson Temperament Analysis
Personal Profile System (DiSC)
Myer-Briggs Type Indicator
The Seven Spiritual Gifts (from Romans 12:6-8, also called Motivational Gifts)
CJ Powell
I got turned onto Chapman’s assessment in the fall, and it quickly turned into my religion. Taking the test and messing around on the website definitely can teach you a lot, but you should totally read the book if you want to get deeper.
The love languages concept translates into all aspects of life, and I truly believe that the world would be a much better place if this was required reading!
Great post, Amber!