Baby Banter–A Fun Glimpse at What Your Baby Is Really Thinking!
posted by: Guest Blogger
I’m walking the line right now between pure diaper-wearing babydom and the world of big girl undies. Given, I’m nowhere near ready to potty train, but still, these diapers are driving me CRAZY! I used to just rip them off when mommy or daddy left me in a stinker way too long (which, to their credit, doesn’t happen often…mommy’s pretty on top of poopy diapers). But now, I just can’t take it. Dry or wet, saggy or tight…it’s doesn’t matter. These days, no diaper is a good diaper.
Maybe it’s the incredible rate at which my thighs are currently expanding, but if mommy turns her back for a second, I am overcome with the irresistible urge to rip that baby off and throw it. Apparently, the sight of me naked is disturbing because when I did this yesterday at the food store, mommy ran full speed towards me screaming, “Caaarmeeeeen, Nooooooo!” Whoa there, mama. Take it easy. Taking off my diaper does not make me any less cute. But then there was the puddle of pee pooling at my feet. Ok, I’ll admit that wasn’t too cute.
So I woke up this morning and reached for my diaper and it wouldn’t budge. Apparently the pee puddle at the grocery store drove mommy to opt for the duct tape solution. Now I’m really stuck. I guess there’s a time and place for everything…and I just blew it. Boo.
No, a trip to the “treasure chest” doesn’t make up for a shot in the leg
Babies everywhere, consider this fair warning. If your adult/parental unit starts talking up an unexpected “trip to the treasure chest,” run/crawl/roll away as fast as you can! This is adult-speak for “you are about to get a gigantic needle jabbed into your precious little leg!”
How do I know? This morning, out of the blue, mommy started talking about this treasure chest like it was some mythical paradise. She was asking me what treasure I was going to pick and told me about the treasures other kiddos recently discovered. It all seemed too good to be true.
Even in the car, she kept talking it up until I was actually pretty excited about it. I expected to pull up to a princess castle, or perhaps a vast forest in which the treasure chest was nestled. Maybe mommy would pull out a secret map that would lead us to an endless supply of cupcakes and popsicles! I was SO wrong.
Turns out, the whole ‘treasure chest’ nonsense was just a cover for the dreaded pediatrician. By the time I realized what was going on, it was too late. Before I knew it, three fat needles attacked my legs and three round Snoopy stickers marked their painful entry. Only then was I lead to the treasure chest, which was really a wicker basket full of…sorry mom…a bunch of crap!
Let’s see…should I choose the ice cream-shaped eraser, a football key chain (what baby has a key?) or a Nemo sticker. I have no use for such nonsense.
Next time I hear treasure chest chatter, you can bet I’ll be impossible to catch! I’m on to you, mommy.
Guest blogger Tiernan McKay is a mom of three kids under the age of six, equine enthusiast, avid reader and lover of Colorado. She is also Denver-based small business owner and freelance writer. Read her personal blog at tiernanmckay.blogspot.com or her alter-ego’s baby blog at BabyBanter.SheKnows.com.