A search for open adoption is scary turns up 91,400 entries. That’s a lot of terror!
What is open adoption? Wikipedia says “Open adoption means that the birth mother and adopted family know who each other are. Even in an open adoption, the birth parents’ legal rights of guardianship are terminated, and the adoptive parents become the legal parents.”
But a closer look at the scariness shows that the fear comes either from people not actually involved in an open adoption or people BEFORE they enter an open adoption.
Clearly, ignorance is not bliss.
To narrow down the scary entries, quote marks were added to the search. Excerpts of some of the resulting entries include:
- From My Heart’s Cry: Open adoption is scary. And we didn’t commit right away. Before we were matched with Rebekah we had closed our minds to open adoption. We just didn’t see how it could be beneficial…or comfortable….Today, I would say…open adoption is difficult-but rewarding…The openness of adoption is hard…The openness of adoption pulls you in deep…Do you want to know what the coolest thing about it is??? Someone else on the planet (other than your spouse) cares as much for your son/daughter as you do.
- An agency website has a blurb from adoptive parents Patti and David: People have asked us if open adoption is scary. We tell them that it is comforting because there are no secrets.
- A comment by MAK on a story about Sheryl Crow‘s adoption of her son (in a closed adoption): Open adoption is scary at first but once you do your research you will find that it is healtier [sic] and better for both birthmoms (it helps them move on) and children (gives them information to form their identity which results in them being happy and healthy adults).
Some myths that feed the fears include the idea that open adoption equals co-parenting, that there will be visits all the time with no boundaries, and that open adoption is confusing to the child.
But having lived in two open adoptions for nearly a decade and hearing real stories from others who have experienced openness in adoption reveal that open adoption is no more scary than just plain old parenting is. If you want to talk scary, let’s talk about the perils of pottie-training or how to survive nighttime feedings or navigating a teen’s dating years. THOSE things can be scary!
If you or a close friend were about to enter into an open adoption, what fears might you have? If you’ve been involved in an open adoption, what fears were legitimate, and which ones fell away?
Image courtesy OpinionHead.com)
Author: Lori Holden
