Adoption dilemma: To Nest, Not To Nest, Or To Kinda Nest
posted by: Mile High Mamas
Since we got home from our rather amazing weekend, there’s been baby buzz in the air at our house. Really, there’s baby buzz in the air surrounding me wherever I go. The “nesting” began almost immediately. How could it not? I saw a little baby girl on that screen and all signs are pointing to go. We have no reason to believe that this teeny one won’t be ours right? No reason accept for the fact that birth mom Brooke has zero legal obligation to us. She could decide at any time that she wants to parent this baby. She could decide that she wants someone else to parent. As quickly as this all “happened” for us, it could fall apart.
That being said, how wise is it for us to be “nesting?” How much is too much and how little is too little? That question has been posed to me a few times over the past couple of weeks. Some people choose to set up their nursery as soon as they sign up for the adoption process. I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t look at a snuggly nursery before there was even a glimpse of a baby. We set up our dude’s nursery in a scurry after we found out about him and ended up closing his door with all things baby hidden inside for one week while we didn’t think he was going to be ours. That. Was. Painful. One of the adoption blogs I follow just had their adoption fall through -after the baby was born. Just like that, the birth mom changed her mind. Which she’s allowed to do. It’s her baby. And this family now has to move on as if this child wasn’t ever meant to be theirs. They’re handling it beautifully, but I know how much pain their hearts feel.
How would we handle that? It would suck. Plain and simple. I can’t put myself in that position right now or the fear of it would overcome me and put me in a very bad place until January 7th. Whether or not I choose to “nest,” the emotional baggage will be the same. And so I’m nesting. I don’t want to rob us of these months of preparation. It’s fun and exciting and makes my heart giggle when I think about it. We didn’t get to do any of this with our dude, so we’re taking it all in. We’ve picked out a few girly clothes items (nothing pastel pink or with hearts or flowers, per my hubbie’s pleas), we ordered our crib bedding (LOVE IT) and we’re adding shelving to the tiny nursery closet soon. Oh…and the best part….my friend is hosting a shower for me. A real shower, with no boys and all my bestest Colorado girls in one house. My Mama’s even coming to town for it. Can’t wait.
Our dude has done his “mental nesting” too. He talks about his baby sister A LOT. Tells random strangers about her. He carries around a green worm, calling it his baby squirt. He asks when she’s coming to our house. And he prays for her. He gets it. And that makes us smile, inside and out.
What do you think you’d do about the “nesting” concept? Would you be able to keep living like nothing monumental was happening? Would you go hog wild and do everything you’d do as if you were prego? Or would you find a balance somewhere in the middle? When I stop to think about it, it baffles me a bit. So I don’t think. We’ll just keep nesting, hoping and praying that our path doesn’t take any dramatic turns. It’s all I know how to do.
Guest Blogger Gwen is expecting…for the second time. And once again, no baby bump or stretch-marks will grace her with their pending bambino. Step inside their world of growing a family through adoption. Follow along here at Mile High Mamas and her blog to get a candid feel for the ups, downs, highs, lows and surprises that go hand in hand with the struggles of infertility and the miracle of adoption.