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Adoption dilemma: To Nest, Not To Nest, Or To Kinda Nest

Since we got home from our rather amazing weekend, there’s been baby buzz in the air at our house. Really, there’s baby buzz in the air surrounding me wherever I go. The “nesting” began almost immediately. How could it not? I saw a little baby girl on that screen and all signs are pointing to go. We have no reason to believe that this teeny one won’t be ours right? No reason accept for the fact that birth mom Brooke has zero legal obligation to us. She could decide at any time that she wants to parent this baby. She could decide that she wants someone else to parent. As quickly as this all “happened” for us, it could fall apart.

That being said, how wise is it for us to be “nesting?” How much is too much and how little is too little? That question has been posed to me a few times over the past couple of weeks. Some people choose to set up their nursery as soon as they sign up for the adoption process. I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t look at a snuggly nursery before there was even a glimpse of a baby. We set up our dude’s nursery in a scurry after we found out about him and ended up closing his door with all things baby hidden inside for one week while we didn’t think he was going to be ours. That. Was. Painful. One of the adoption blogs I follow just had their adoption fall through -after the baby was born. Just like that, the birth mom changed her mind. Which she’s allowed to do. It’s her baby. And this family now has to move on as if this child wasn’t ever meant to be theirs. They’re handling it beautifully, but I know how much pain their hearts feel.

How would we handle that? It would suck. Plain and simple. I can’t put myself in that position right now or the fear of it would overcome me and put me in a very bad place until January 7th. Whether or not I choose to “nest,” the emotional baggage will be the same. And so I’m nesting. I don’t want to rob us of these months of preparation. It’s fun and exciting and makes my heart giggle when I think about it. We didn’t get to do any of this with our dude, so we’re taking it all in. We’ve picked out a few girly clothes items (nothing pastel pink or with hearts or flowers, per my hubbie’s pleas), we ordered our crib bedding (LOVE IT) and we’re adding shelving to the tiny nursery closet soon. Oh…and the best part….my friend is hosting a shower for me. A real shower, with no boys and all my bestest Colorado girls in one house. My Mama’s even coming to town for it. Can’t wait.

Our dude has done his “mental nesting” too. He talks about his baby sister A LOT. Tells random strangers about her. He carries around a green worm, calling it his baby squirt. He asks when she’s coming to our house. And he prays for her. He gets it. And that makes us smile, inside and out.

What do you think you’d do about the “nesting” concept? Would you be able to keep living like nothing monumental was happening? Would you go hog wild and do everything you’d do as if you were prego? Or would you find a balance somewhere in the middle? When I stop to think about it, it baffles me a bit. So I don’t think. We’ll just keep nesting, hoping and praying that our path doesn’t take any dramatic turns. It’s all I know how to do.

Guest Blogger Gwen is expecting…for the second time. And once again, no baby bump or stretch-marks will grace her with their pending bambino. Step inside their world of growing a family through adoption. Follow along here at Mile High Mamas and her blog to get a candid feel for the ups, downs, highs, lows and surprises that go hand in hand with the struggles of infertility and the miracle of adoption.

Mile High Mamas
Author: Mile High Mamas

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  1. I’m with you–definitely nest. But have it be a guarded nest. I can’t think of a bigger disappointment if it didn’t happen but like any mom, you want to prepare and rejoice for the blessing that is coming your way!

  2. I love Amber’s concept of a “guarded nest.” No matter how a baby comes to you, there is risk, which is what makes parenting so sweet.

    Thinking of you, the baby, and the expectant parents. May the situation unfold beautifully.

  3. I have gone through two IVF cycles and nested each time. Both times I became pregnant and later lost it. For me the nesting was a mental exercise in preparing my womb to receive the embryos. But now I have this beautiful room that I can’t look into. We had the door closed for a long time but personally it was harder to look at the closed door than the room itself.

    I think there is no right or wrong answer to this one. Everyone knows what they can handle and should make the decision for themselves not based on what other people are saying.

  4. Hey Gwen,

    We are adoptive parents too–and found out about our daughter when our birth mom was 30 weeks along. I nested too, but was scared to death until those final papers were signed. It’s so hard risking your heart when you adopt, but it’s so worth it too.

    I hope this all goes amazingly well, and that your family is blessed by this little one.

  5. Me, I would nest. The pain will be the same either way, if you allow yourself to feel. So why rob yourself of the joy? That’s me though. I understand the reality of what can happen and with that understand why people are guarded. But me personally, I want the joy 🙂

  6. Thanks for all the comments ladies. It’s good to know that I’m not alone in my need to “nest.” Since this post, we’ve added shelving to the nursery closet and it’s LOADED with girly hand-me-downs. No going back now! My hubbie catches me just siting in there looking at the closet. I know.

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