All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth a vasectomy
posted by: Amber Johnson
Warning to men everywhere: this post’s contents will make you extremely uncomfortable. Proceed with caution.
My husband Jamie underwent the “snip-snip” on Friday. We have two beautiful kids and had always planned to have three so did not take this decision lightly. But after a couple of failed attempts at getting pregnant and much prayer, we knew we were done. We both feel strongly we are to bring another child into our home under circumstances other than giving birth.
Can’t say I’ll miss it one bit.
Jamie sent me an email when he scheduled a consultation with the doctor and said “what a great sacrifice” this was for him.
I get it. Messing with Man’s Most Prized Possession is bound to cause extreme angst. But men somehow forget the 40 weeks of misery we undergo, only to be rewarded by pushing out a screaming watermelon. Follow that up with sleepless nights, exploding boobs and Jekll and Hyde hormones. Then, multiply that by multiple children.
I think it’s safe to say women have the far worse deal.
I would liken a vasectomy unto maybe 1 or 2 contractions.
When I explained this to Jamie, he agreed but asserted, “Yes, but you get a beautiful baby out of everything. I don’t get anything.”
And that is exactly why we’re doing it.
The night prior to the procedure, the phone rang and Jamie picked it up.
“Who was that, Jamie?”
“The doctor’s office reminding me about my appointment. Like a guy could forget something like that.”
The next day, I was the supportive wife and hung out in the waiting room. A mere half an hour later, he was done. I received the royal summons to go see him.
Not to belabor my point but did I mention the 13,440 hours of pregnancy I endured?
The nurse explained that tenderness and mild swelling are not unusual. Men are still considered fertile until two specimens have been evaluated, the first is to be brought in six weeks following the vasectomy. In order to flush out the old sperm, the man needs to have 15 err…”cleansing sessions” prior.
When the nurse told Jamie that, he asked “Can I get a doctor’s note about that for my wife?”
I’m guessing that’s all Jamie wants for Christmas.
How do you know if you’re done having children?