Guest blogger Janalee Card Chmel is co-owner of MA! motherhood with attitude and is a Denver-based freelance writer. She was shocked at the age of 40 to find out she was pregnant. Follow her journey each month.
So, as I have documented well, this baby was a surprise. Now, as the weeks pass, I recognize that a huge part of my initial reaction to the news came from a fear of change. I haven’t once feared that I was capable of mothering a third child. Lord, let me get my hands on this beebee and mother it! I love being a mom!
No, the deepest fears I’ve faced (and continue to face) come from a fear of change.
But the change is happening. It is upon us. And — dare I say it? — it’s rather exciting!
For example, we have to remodel part of our basement to continue shoe-horning this family into this darling-but-tiny home. Our plan is to gut the 1942 bathroom and surrounding area and turn it into a nice bedroom/bathroom for Delaney and Allie and then turn their current room into a nursery again.
In the last week, the gutting has begun. Our second bathroom has been demolished and reduced to rubble. And, now that the first plaster has flown, the floor has been jack-hammered and the fixtures have been tossed, I am so excited! I can’t wait to demolish the rest! I had feared living through the construction. Now I just want it all ripped out! It will soon be the newest spot in our old home and I may even envy my daughters’ space.
The other fear was our car situation. I drive a 2003 Chevy Trailblazer. To be honest, I have always hated that car. The electrical stuff goes out all the time. When we discovered I was pregnant, though, the idea of a minivan loomed large. Not only did I fear the financial stress (on top of the remodel, these are two huge budget-drainers!) but I never saw myself in a minivan.
Welp, we found a screaming deal on a 2003 Honda Odyssey and I may never go back to anything else! I love this car! What in the WORLD took me so long!? I contacted all my friends who have schlepped my kids to various events and said, “I am going to be a carpooling dynamo from now on!”
Then there is the change in my body. I did NOT NOT NOT want to be 41 and knocked up. I finally felt like I was getting regular exercise, entering my 40s as a fit woman and… ka-plooey! There it all goes. We all know this is not a 9-month process for the mom’s body. With nursing and plain old fatigue, this is going to take two years away from me. Two years during which I will relinquish control of my body and give it to a baby. Don’t get me wrong… I know this is a miracle and I am blessed to even be fertile, but it does mean a sacrifice and I have not been graceful about this particular transition.
But, I am now in Week 13, done with my first trimester, and feeling really great!
And, finally, there is the change occurring in my belly every day. We had another ultrasound today… we saw the baby’s fists and feet. It arched its wee back and bounced around. Oh my goodness, what an amazing thing my body is participating in right now!
We still face fears, mostly of the financial variety, but I increasingly feel a deep-down peace as I look forward into all this metamorphosis in our lives.
I CAN mother… and really, that’s all I need to do well.