Doing my part for the environment with re-usable undereye bags
posted by: gretchen
My three-month-old son, Archie, sleeps well for a guy his age. He usually wakes once to eat, then easily falls back to sleep. There have been a few nights lately when he’s sailed through the night, no waking. His dreams must have been sweet and his tummy well-settled.
You might picture me falling back to sleep the moment I put the full-bellied boy down. There I am: Weary, grateful, quickly glancing at the clock to calculate how many hours and minutes I can steal before the real bustle of morning begins. Fade to a dream about forgetting my locker combination….
But that doesn’t happen.
As Archie snoozes a few feet away, I am persistently awake. I am sold-out to consciousness. It owns me.
I toss onto my left side and scan the calendar in my head. I toss to my right and remember things to add to the grocery list. I settle on my back, with my arms crossed over my chest, to worry about tween-things and an odd cough Tommy had right before bed. I get really ridiculous and start mentally packing for a trip we aren’t taking until July.
Fist meets pillow in an angry attempt to fluff it up. I rotate to my stomach and remember I am lactating.
Then I berate myself for wasting precious hours of household quiet on things I can’t control at 3:00 am. I can’t and shouldn’t go downstairs to fashion a stovepipe hat for Sam’s Abraham Lincoln costume.
I usually manage to get back to sleep shortly before it’s time to get up. Clanking spoons in cereal bowls serve as my alarm. I rise and find a few of the kids in the kitchen, their bare feet swinging a few inches from the floor. They slurp.
“Good morning! How did you sleep?” I’ll ask.
“Great!” They answer, without fail.
I’m glad and raise my coffee mug to the whole lot of ’em.
One of the dirty little secrets of motherhood is that when the baby starts sleeping through the night, it doesn’t mean you will too.