An update on my cow
What you don’t know, though, is that I received another call. This time I was asked to come out and help herd the cattle and CORRAL the one that, metaphorically speaking, had my name on it.
This “raffle prize” was starting to seem like a little bit more trouble than it was worth. I mean, come one, HERD? CORRAL?? And, while we were on the subject, the rancher wanted to know if, by chance, I had a horse and some panels to help with the job as well.
Ummmm… I did not.
I had to assume that by “panels” he wasn’t talking about discussion groups. Because I did actually have some of those. And they all said different things that ranged from: “You better call the district attorney for raffle fraud” to “Let’s go out there and herd that animal right now! Do you realize how much money that thing is worth?!”
Well. Since someone actually offered to HELP, I went against my better judgment and did it. I went out and “herded” cattle for the first time in my life. Because, what the heck? One more thing to check off the Things To Do Before I Die list, right?
But for anyone else who should ever find themselves in my position, some lessons:
1. Cows are not dogs. So you don’t get them to obey by whistling or clicking your tongue. No, what you have to do is yell, “HEEEE-YAAHH!!” And clap like a maniacal soccer mom while you’re doing it.
2. If you are unfortunate enough to NOT have a horse, it would be advantageous to watch where you step. And don’t wear shoes that you treasure. Cow patties aren’t actual “patties” when they are first emitted. They are more like…. slushies. I don’t know at what point they become patties but I’m guessing it’s not for a long, long, long time.
3. Panels. Ya might wanna consider finding yourself some.
4. And don’t bring a camera. Seriously, do you really want to remember this?