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An update on my cow

[photopress:cow.jpg,full,pp_image]Many of you Mile High Mama Regulars know that I recently won a cow in a raffle. Excuse me, a STEER, a bovine that was castrated before sexual maturation, for those that, like me, weren’t exactly sure. Anyway, if you read about my cow raffle win, then you also know that I had to go out and PICK the lucky steer destined to fill my freezer… and those of my extended family as well, for that matter.

What you don’t know, though, is that I received another call. This time I was asked to come out and help herd the cattle and CORRAL the one that, metaphorically speaking, had my name on it.

This “raffle prize” was starting to seem like a little bit more trouble than it was worth. I mean, come one, HERD? CORRAL?? And, while we were on the subject, the rancher wanted to know if, by chance, I had a horse and some panels to help with the job as well.

Ummmm… I did not.

I had to assume that by “panels” he wasn’t talking about discussion groups. Because I did actually have some of those. And they all said different things that ranged from: “You better call the district attorney for raffle fraud” to “Let’s go out there and herd that animal right now! Do you realize how much money that thing is worth?!”

Well. Since someone actually offered to HELP, I went against my better judgment and did it. I went out and “herded” cattle for the first time in my life. Because, what the heck? One more thing to check off the Things To Do Before I Die list, right?

But for anyone else who should ever find themselves in my position, some lessons:

1. Cows are not dogs. So you don’t get them to obey by whistling or clicking your tongue. No, what you have to do is yell, “HEEEE-YAAHH!!” And clap like a maniacal soccer mom while you’re doing it.

2. If you are unfortunate enough to NOT have a horse, it would be advantageous to watch where you step. And don’t wear shoes that you treasure. Cow patties aren’t actual “patties” when they are first emitted. They are more like…. slushies. I don’t know at what point they become patties but I’m guessing it’s not for a long, long, long time.

3. Panels. Ya might wanna consider finding yourself some.

4. And don’t bring a camera. Seriously, do you really want to remember this?


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  1. I know I’m a city girl, because the thought of having a face to go with my hamburger or steak or anything else stocked in my freezer would probably make me into a vegetarian.

    They’re so cute!

    So, which one did you pick? White, brown, black, or the cute black/white one?


  2. The cute black/white one, Tiff. And just saying that makes me lose my appetite.

    Everyone in my inner circle is getting beef for Christmas this year.

  3. The cute black/white one, Tiff. And just saying that makes me lose my appetite.

    Everyone in my inner circle is getting beef for Christmas this year.

  4. Do not ever refer to your future meal as “cute.” 🙂

  5. That’s the one I would have picked, too. And then cried myself to sleep every night.

    I like your solution… Beef: It’s what’s for Christmas. 🙂


  6. Kudos to you for jumping right in! Most ladies I know would never consider for a moment actually doing this. You’re my kind of gal – we gotta meet one of these days.

  7. Despite having no livestock ourselves, I grew up in a family very involved in 4-H. The major fundraiser for the teen group was mucking out the show barns after the county fair. i have always felt that mucking is the perfect word for that job.
    And yeah, cow slushies is a good word for how that stuff starts out! But it might put you off slushies for the rest of your life!

  8. OMGosh .. after seeing the cute black and white one (with the “come scratch me behind the ears” look going on) I would be leaning more towards chicken the next few months.

  9. Don’t be surprised if they ask you to help slaughter it next…

  10. OMG, this post is great. You need to read some Pioneer Woman.

  11. This was…. interesting, to say the least. But I draw the line at CORALLING. There will be no slaughtering in my future. I don’t even like killing rodents and spiders!

    Needless to say, I’ve sworn off ranching and buying raffle tickets for the remainder of this lifetime.

  12. We’ve got a freezer full of caribou that my husband shot. I cannot eat it because not only is the body in my freezer, I’ve got his head mounted in my guest room (we don’t have many guests – we call it the “Man Room”). Granted, the eyes are glass but they still stare out at me whenever I’m in that room. Creepy.

    My philosophy is that I do not eat “cute” food. Anything that started out cute doesn’t get eaten. And BTW, my meat comes from stryofoam packages grown on trees! 🙂

  13. Now I’m wondering how I get get enough into your circle to get me some freezer packages, but not so far into the circle that you ask me to slaughter when they inevitably ask you.

  14. Great story, but it will make me think twice about entering certain raffles in the future. Who knew that winning was going to require so much effort on your part?

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