When sleeping together does not mean sleeping together and the tale of a sleep-walking mouse
posted by: Amber Johnson
My husband and I no longer sleep together.
Now, before you go referring me to Dr. Ruth, let me clarify. I am talking about the actual sleeping part of sleeping together. With two children and the hope of adding another one to the brood sometime soon, we are doing just fine in the other category and we have a happy marriage.
It’s just that our sleep habits are lacking.
I am an early bird. I like to be in bed by 10 p.m. whereas my husband prefers to stay up later and has gotten into the habit of falling asleep in front of the TV. Sure, he will humor me by accompanying me to bed but then he’ll sneak out as soon as I start mumbling in my sleep and sneaks back in before dawn.
Though make no mistake, what I reveal is far better than the History Channel any day.
Last week, he installed a big-screen HDTV projector in our basement. I suspect I will never see him again.
I became a neurotic sleeper when I worked in radio and set two alarm clocks out of fear I would sleep through my 4:30 a.m. call time. Then I had kids and it was all over for me. I’m lucky if I sleep six hours straight.
Jamie’s sleep issues started even before we were married with a sleep-walking incident during his visit home to Meet the Parents (the movie is actually based on our true story).
A bit of background: we met ONLINE (a rather crazy story for another time) and were married within six months after we met. My family was subsequently wary of Jamie and my brother Patrick even referred to him as “The Axe Murderer.” For this reason, it was very important for him to make a good impression when I bought him home to meet The Family for Christmas. It didn’t happen.
After his first full day in Calgary, he retired to his assigned room in the basement. My brother Jade and Shannon, his busting-at-the-seams pregnant wife, were in the room next to him. Something you should know about Jamie is that when he does dream, it is very vivid. As in he thinks it’s actually happening.
So, Jamie was in dreamland when he was awoken by a mouse crawling up his leg (or so he thought). He shot outta bed, flew out of his room, only to find Jade and Shannon having a late-night discussion on the couch. They were shocked.
Panting heavily, Jamie announced to them, “Don’t worry: I’m Jamie Johnson!” (For fear they had forgotten who he was, of course) And he then proceeded to babble about how he had allegedly been attacked by a mouse. During his commentary, he went over to pet Lucky (the dog he did not like) and then gave his soon-to-be sister-in-law a backrub (who, at nine months pregnant, was not exactly the cuddly type).
Jamie then started to slowly wake up and made his way upstairs to get a glass of water. The full ramifications of what he had done started to set in. Embarrassed, he curled his 6’1 frame up onto a little couch upstairs and tried to go back to sleep, vowing to not go downstairs and face those people again.
Sympathetic and amused Jade eventually followed him up, “Hey Dude, are you all right?”
He really wasn’t.
When I went down the next morning to wake Jamie up, I could tell something was wrong. It was all confirmed in just one statement: “I think I gave Shannon a backrub last night.”
And so it began.
Are you one of the few blissful sleepers out there or do you have sleep problems? If you have a significant other, how compatible are your sleep patterns?