“I don’t want to mess up our friendship”
posted by: Aimee
Yes, I was that girl in high school. “The friend.” At the time I actually thought I was a fat, ugly pig… but as I look back at my high school pic compared the the Beautiful People… I must have been wearing Teen-Colored Glasses. Meaning, I wasn’t as pretty as the Beautiful People by a longshot – but I certainly wasn’t as fat and ugly as I thought I was. Certainly the 80’s hair, fashion and make-up didn’t do much for me – but it looked pretty horrible on the Beautiful People too… so I consider us even on that score.
I was 18 when I lost my virginity. In some ways I am proud of that because when I did it, I was ready for it. But in some ways, I honestly know it happened at that age because I just couldn’t get a guy to date me to save my life. I can’t tell you how many times I got the “I just want to be friends” or “I don’t want to mess up our friendship” speech. There are many variations of it, but it all of them come down to pretty much the same thing. “I just don’t want to date you.”
There was a guy I had a crush on since 7th grade. We became friends around 9th grade. That year I asked him to Homecoming. He went with me, but “just as friends.” Talk about embarrassing. The good news is he and I ended up being *real* friends through the ages and still talk every once and a while now.
I had a dream the other night, not really related to that one specific guy, but an amalgam of *all* those guys. Probably because my 20th reunion is coming up next month (I am not attending, by the way). It was amazing how I went right back to that place in my feelings. Insecure, lonely, frustrated. And woke up VERY relieved to have my wonderful husband lying next to me, and being 20 years older both in time and maturity.
And maybe a little *extra* relieved I am not going to my reunion.
What were you like in high school? What things “bring you right back” to that place and time?