We bought a brand spankin’ new car last week.
Before you send your congratulations, know that this was like those “Oops!” pregnancies and our purchase was unplanned. I am not quite sure how it happened; I wasn’t even ovulating at the time.
From the moment of conception purchase a few years ago, we have had problems with my husband Jamie’s Jetta. But the past month has been a non-stop stream of breakdowns. The car, not me. Mostly.
We had planned to trade it in next year but we were stressed about all the nickles, dimes and dollars we were pouring into its repairs. The worst part of all is the mechanic could not ascertain the problem.
And so we had a tough decision: sustenance for the children or a new car.
Please send food.
I have never made a huge decision so quickly. Well, with the exception of buying the first wedding dress I tried on and oh, can you please throw in that cute veil ASAP because I am late for my volleyball game? Or the fact that I was married within six months of meeting Jamie.
He gives me a hard time about the deluge of children’s items that flood my SUV but nothing could have prepared me for what we discovered when we cleaned out his car.
One could expect some fast-food wrappers.
Several discarded Google maps.
Or maybe a rotting food item…or twelve.
But what Jamie unearthed in the catacombs of his trunk rocked me to my core: an illustrated book entitled The Joy of Sensual Massage.
After drowning in a stupor of silence, I finally sputtered,
“Who gave you this this this this this PORNOGRAPHY?”
“You did. When we got married.”
so grateful to be mormon
hahahaha! you’re a hoot, kathleen
Tirzah
That is awesome!!
cheryl
At least he kept the book? My question is this: have you been the beneficiary of him keeping the book? Now THAT would be cool. If not, make him read it. Right. Now. 🙂
Awesome Mom
Lol! I agree with Cheryl, you need to make his read it and practice it on you.
Sketchy
hmmmm…I used to have that book too. Where did it go in 15 years of marriage?
Seriously. Where did it go? My boys are getting a little old for leaving something like that around.
Guinevere Meadow
ROFL!!!
I can’t believe that such a treasure was sitting there, completely useless for so long! 🙂
Tiffanie
That’s pretty darn funny! Oh, the things we “used” to do. The things we loose after diapers and a few years of marriage. Our poor poor husbands.
http://www.blogger.com/profile/08669598883990557029
Lori
In the back seat of Jetta?
You two must be verrrrry flexible.
(Or used to be.)
chellie
…hmmmm, well… I guess he gets credit for still having it! 🙂
Now for putting it to use!!!
love it!
Kim
LOL! Maybe I should have our cars cleaned out …who knows!
White Hot Magik
I would tell him it is time to put that book to use. Long time no see Amber. Missed your funniness. I need to get back on the blogging wagon. ; )
http://whitehotmagik.blogspot.com
White Hot Magik
Okay second try…. The real question is why he isn’t putting the knowledge in that book to good use. Couldn’t you use a massage?
http:www.whitehotmagik.blogspot.com
Lisa
Too funny! The only thing I will find in Don’s car is the tool I gave him for Christmas that allows him to break the window should he ever find himself submerged in water and unable to open the door. You just never know. (His car is spotless)
Ashley
That is SO funny! What did you end up doing with the book? You’re a great writer!
Richelle F
🙂 Oh dear. That is too funny.
Shannon
Some things are just meant to be found!
hyperactive lu
Oh my goodness! That is hilarious!!!! Congrats on the new car…hope y’all continue to eat!
serf 'rett
Personally, I’d hook the man up to a lie detector and start asking questions! (Unless you clearly remember the gifting, in which case, you owe him a …you know, a…, I really don’t even want to say the words, but you owe him .…
an apology
Tanya
OH that is hilarious!! You little sex kitten 😉
http://mikeandtanya.blogspot.com
Jamie
Oh my goodness that is toooo funny!!! How things change??? He he he!!
Kari
I hate those unexpected expensive purchases too! Hopefully, your new car will be as good a choice as I’m assuming your wedding dress and Jamie was!
We got married after just knowing each other for 7 months – pretty similar to you guys. And now 5 kids and almost 15 years later, here we still are and it’s great!!
An Ordinary Mom
LOL!
And yet another reason why I will never buy a VW Jetta or Passat.
yvonne
Oh my.
Robyn
So what kind of car did you get? I’m a Nissan kind of girl myself. That’s so funny, though. I made Joe read a similar sort of book before we were married. I should probably make him read it again.
Liz Wood
Your blog is a pleasure to read!! Such a good writer.
Wendi
There should be a warning with this post.
So that readers who have just sipped their morning beverage will not spew it on the computer screen!
I am just saying.
Amber Johnson
Thanks everyone for your fun comments. 🙂 As far as our new car, we bought a 2009 Toyota Camry. I joked with Jamie that it looks like an old man’s car and he retorted, “Well, at least a middle-aged man’s car.”