Two Women, One Daughter, One Great Event
posted by: Lori Holden
ignores her two kids blogs from a NW Denver suburb. Weebles Wobblog chronicles her attempts to live mindfully; Drama 2B Mama recounts her infertility and adoption journeys; and All Thumbs Reviews gives sassy purchasing advice on everything from hair decor to refrigerators to wine — essentials for a Mile High Mama.
If I call her “my daughter’s other mother” it may seem different from what it is.
I met Crystal because we each had a problem. Mine had nooks with crannies, and hers had crannies with nooks. Our oddly- shaped problems fit together, and we became each other’s solution.
Seven years ago, I was experiencing the famine that is infertility; Crystal was dealing with the feast that is an unintended pregnancy, while living in an untenable situation.
In a way, we share a daughter.
It might seem normal for the story to have ended back where it began — with a tiny, squalling baby. One of us leaving the hospital with Tessa, and the other going home empty-armed. A winner and a loser.
But nothing about our situation has been “normal.” We have forged an unlikely friendship over the years as we continually create our open adoption. We do this for Tessa, but also for ourselves. While there is not really word to describe our relationship — sister is not accurate, friend is insufficient — we continue to define the previously undefined. I love my daughter’s birthmom. It’s that simple, yet there are layers of complexity.
I tell the full story of our triad at Drama 2B Mama (with the story of my son’s adoption, as well).
How did open adoption happen so effortlessly for us? We are often asked that question. We have examined our history to find the markers of success. We find that one word captures the nature of our relationship: open. We have an open-hearted open adoption.
Now we teach people some keys to having a successful open adoption. On the morning of August 2, Crystal and I are offering a 2-hour class for pre-adoptive parents at Colorado Free University. We talk about choosing an agency, from both the adoptive- and the birth-parent perspective. We cover ethics in adoption, and why they matter so much. We talk about the dos and don’ts of an adoption profile. We alert hopeful adoptive parents to the pitfalls that can happen in an open situation, as well as how to avoid them.
And we show what an open adoption can look like. We de-freakify it, if you will.
Registration is open through August 1, and the class is priced for singles ($24 or $33) and for couples ($39 or $69), with the lower tuition available to CFU members. The class takes place on CFU’s Lowry campus.
Anyone who has ever been told “just adopt” is encouraged to join us. And to open to the possibilities that await.