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Holidays / Humor

Black Friday’s “Blowout”

I am unsure how Black Friday even got started. It was probably some raging psychopath who thought it would be fun to use bargain hunters and desperate toy-seeking parents as puppets. Plan a shopping spree in the middle of the night after people have devoured inordinate amounts of sleep-inducing hormones from their turkey? Sounds like fun!

My hubby was among them. The insane, that is.

The reason he went shopping was not because of any particular sale but because we cannot sleep past 6 a.m. (an illness exasperated by the recent time change). Even though I was awake at 4:45 a.m., I let him brave the crowds while I stayed home to watch the kids and obsessively write my Christmas cards.

Because the world will come to an end if my Christmas newsletter is not post-marked by December 1st.

Jamie finally limped in the door 2.5 hours later. “So, what did you buy?” He had hit Best Buy and some of the biggies so I knew his loot would be impressive.

“I bought deer.”

I refrained from making a John Deer query because last I checked, we were City Folk. I gave him a blank stare.

“You know, Amber. Christmas deer for the front lawn. I got a great deal at Big Lots.”

Christmas deer? Last I checked, baby Jesus was surrounded by lowing cattle but somehow you don’t see livestock making their way to people’s lawns.

I smiled encouragingly but thought of those tacky T-shirts that bemoan, “My grandma went to Mexico and all she bought me was this dumb T-shirt.”

Only substitute husband for grandma, Black Friday for Mexico and deer for T-shirt.

Better luck next year. Only there won’t be a next year for my deer sweet hubby.

So, how did you spend your Black Friday?

Amber Johnson
Author: Amber Johnson

Amber is the founder and editor of Mile High Mamas, travel writer and former columnist for The Denver Post. She is a passionate community builder and loves the outdoors. She has two awesome teens and is happily married to a man obsessed with growing The Great Pumpkin.

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Amber is the founder and editor of Mile High Mamas, travel writer and former columnist for The Denver Post. She is a passionate community builder and loves the outdoors. She has two awesome teens and is happily married to a man obsessed with growing The Great Pumpkin.


  1. Note: and they were not reindeer, either. Because poor Rudolph would always be welcome to play his reindeer games on my lawn.

  2. That is nuts! lol We shopped but I slept in. We did not get much, just a few shirts for Harry since he is out growing the ones he has but Evan was no in that size in the winter, so he has no used ones to grow into.

  3. one of my good friends is crazy about black friday. she had an excel spreadsheet with where she was going first and what she was getting at each store. unfortunately (or fortunately)..she went into labor the night before. so instead of being at jc penny at 6am, she had her baby girl at 6am.

  4. I went to an Annie Liebovitz and Ansel Adams photography exhibit. It was awesome.

  5. Hubby and I braved the shoppers and we got a good deal on a dvd camcorder, some memory for computer and digital picture frames, the digital picture frame, and some gifts for the kids in the family. It was CRAZY! I live in a small town and people were always pretty polite when I had gone by myself in past years, but this year people were quite testy!

  6. Love it! Thanks for the laugh this morning.

    Whenever I am upset at my husband, I threaten to put pink flamigos in our front yard. Someday I’d like to buy one for him as a gag gift.

  7. I shopped till I dropped and it was fun (which really makes me crazy) I love to pick on all the cranky people that are out there with me. I make sure to give them my biggest smile and say “Merry Christmas”. Yes, I’m obnoxious like that…LOL

  8. Yeah… we went out and about. Found some pretty good stuff 🙂 No deer for us though. The California sun would melt the wiring in those things….

  9. A Deer? Ha,ha,ha, oh one more…HA!

  10. My husband stood in line for a disgusting amount of time at the local geek store (Best Buy). It rocked because I got a lap top. Yay.

    I was going to go but I was way too sick. ick.

  11. I was out with Jaime, well not WITH him, but with him shopping at 6 am and having a blast. I absolutely love Black Friday, I know I am crazy and ok with it! I got a few good deals including presents for me, which is always fun. Dave and the kids even got in on it when we headed for our yearly trip to the mall. Come on over to my place to read all about it…

  12. I was fighting crowds and standing in lines as well, but the only thing I got was memories. And a couple of cute pictures of my kids at Disney World.

  13. At least he went shopping! And deer aren’t so bad. Give him a little credit for the effort, at least.

  14. It’s a tradition to go out shopping that day for me! This year I got to go out with my Mom and Aunt (I haven’t done that in 10 years) – we were at Sears by 5:10 am. We got some good deals and were able to cross names off of our Christmas lists 🙂

  15. Hi Amber…it’s been a while since I checked in, but I wanted to say that your post made me laugh. We were out of town and were traveling home on Friday at the early morning hour to get back in time to watch our Huskers…lose. But all in all, I’d still rather be at home. Hope you had a great Thanksgiving!

  16. I try to avoid making disparaging remarks, but I don’t think your man is really cut out for “Black Friday” shopping. Please, give him a list next year, dear.

  17. Chopping down a Christmas tree!

  18. that is too funny! how’d he end up at big lots in the first place? don’t get me wrong, i like the store, but my husband would be wandering aimlessly around best buy. in fact, he was.
    i stayed home. 🙂

  19. too much excitement with the deer. i forgot to post my link.

  20. I tried black Friday ONCE and never again. I prefer to sit at home and finish off all the pies while everyone else goes and buys stuff they never wanted but was too cheap to pass up.

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