posted by: gretchen
The top five signs I need glasses:
1. I keep mistaking ubiquitous-in-Colorado cars with ski racks for police cars.
2. I was behind a car and thought I saw an Irish Setter in the back seat. It turned out to be a girl.
3. Every piece of lint or fuzz on the carpet is a spider, until proven otherwise.
4. Repetitive squinting, to the point people believe I have permaglare.
5. Was that Osceola or Oneida I just passed?
I think everyone has an aging milestone. It could be a certain age, an event like a high school or college reunion, or the day when the zit cream is replaced with wrinkle cream on the shelf of shame in the bathroom cabinet. For me, it is getting glasses.
I had glasses in the past for a very mild astigmatism. My glasses were more about playing a part than having a true medical need. They were a prop I’d slide up and down my nose at the college library, Paris on the Platte, or Denny’s. Paired with a clove cigarette, I was ready to power my way through any discussion on the art of making the perfect mix tape or spontaneous road-trip planning.
During one of my many early-20s moves, my glasses were lost and I never bothered to replace them.
I can’t ignore the glasses issue any more. I’m looking forward to the day when I won’t mistake children for dogs, or dogs for children. When I drive through an intersection and spot a white 4 door sedan with a ski rack, I won’t have to check my spedometer or make sure my hands are in the ten and two-o-clock Good Citizen position on the steering wheel.
Lint will lose its power to make me scream and take off my shoe in a threatening manner.
Life will take on the crisp finish it had in childhood. It isn’t often we have a chance to regain something we silently lost over the years, so I should embrace this milestone and conjure up something else to dread. The AARP membership application, anyone?
What are your aging milestones?