The Great Pumpkin Contest
posted by: Amber Johnson
It started out innocently last spring when he planted the first pumpkin seed. Over the summer, he and our daughter Hadley religiously watered and watched it grow from a molehill to a mountain.
Unfortunately, so did his competitive drive.
“I had only hoped for the biggest pumpkin on the street. Now I think it could be the biggest in the city!!!!!”
Next stop: the world.
Jamie decided to enter it into our local harvest festival and I, good wife that I am, humored him. Until the flood came. It started with his barrage of pumpkin-related emails and then it totally engulfed our dinner conversations.
“I read online that I need to cut the stem right before the competition.”
“It then says I should put the stem into a gallon of water.”
“Did you know a pumpkin can lose up to five pounds within the few hours of being cut?”
You get the point.
He arose at the crack of dawn on Saturday for the official vine cutting. He had roped our poor neighbor into helping haul it to my car. He then rolled down the windows and banned me from driving due to the damage he surmised that I would inflict upon it.
Several hours later, he entered it into the competition. He feigned indifference until he saw some kids posing for pictures on his pride and joy.
“GET THOSE PUNK KIDS OFF MY PUMPKIN!!!!!!”
Let The Pumpkin Beatings begin.
I was just ready for it to be over. For this to be a chapter carefully folded away into the Johnson Family History of Dysfunction, never to be spoken of again.
Until he won.
Now as a reminder, I have his winner’s certificate, $50 in prize money and an overstuffed 141.5-pound pumpkin that is taking up the entirety of our front porch.
Unless some of those punk kids want to find out what smashing pumpkins are all about.
Editors note: Jamie insisted I use this photo vs. a more flattering one of him because “the pumpkin looks better.” How is that for dedication?[photopress:IMG_7739.jpg,full,1]