Recently I posted on my blog my attempt at putting a stop to self-loathing and negative self-talk. I shared that I wanted to do this now more than ever because I have a daughter. It wasn’t until a few days later (because I’m quick like that) that it donned on me… What about my son?!? Why didn’t I think of him? For as long as I can remember I’ve struggled with self-esteem and body image issues. I spent far too much time and energy feeling bad about myself instead of just living my life comfortable in my own skin. It has taken a great deal of growing up, the love and endless support of a wonderful man, a healthy dose of therapy, and two beautiful babies, for me to start coming around.
We women are basically fertile from age 15-45, and there are even some outliers beyond these ages. We have seen pregnancies in girls younger than 15, but that’s a whole other topic. And with the magic of infertility treatments, we also see women older than 45 having babies. In fact, with the magic of accidents, we do see spontaneous pregnancies in women older than 45. That’s just one of those crazy life things where if you wanted to get pregnant after 45, it would be quite difficult. But sure enough, if you are sending your older kids off to college, eagerly awaiting some well-deserved alone time with your spouse (what was his name again?), then KABOOM, you are in the second-highest group of unintended pregnancies after teenagers: perimenopausal women. You’ve just ha...
As a widow, I was thrown into the deep end of the single parenting pool when my kids were 5,3, and 1 year old and from day one, I knew it would be tough. And while I can sympathize with the pain of divorce and can understand how hard it must be for many parents to relinquish the thing(s) that are most important to them – their children – on a regular basis to someone they’re not all that crazy about anymore…my struggles as a widowed single parent are a little different.
Dear Mama Drama: Now that we’re into the lazy days of summer, I’m finding my kids are spending an inordinate amount of time in front screens of all sizes. I want to be flexible, but also want to have some limits. Playing outside and being creative are things I’d like to be part of their summer, but they get hooked into electronics and have a hard time stopping. How can I help them find a better balance? ~Screen Weary Mama (photo credit) Dear Screen Weary: You can be certain there are mamas all over the country asking themselves this exact question. I know our mothers did and they only had televisions to worry about. With so many screen options in our children’s lives, it is important to have ongoing conversations about screen time. So, the first step is to start that conversation wit...
I feel like I’m struggling with balance lately. I devote my time and energy to so many different roles, some being more focused on than others. At times it feels like there is a part of my life being neglected and I have to do my very best to carve out even more time, that I don’t seem to have, to devote to it. Right now I’m struggling with exercise. When do I fit it in to my already packed life? I know the importance of staying active and living a healthy lifestyle but I really am asking myself how I can make it all work.
I live on a block stocked with kids. This, I have learned, is a blessing and a curse because while it means that my own children are almost constantly occupied, it also means that I’m not hearing the pitter-patter of little feet – but more often than not, the constant thumping of what sounds like a herd of elephants running through my house, sprinklers on and draining my bank account, and, “Mom! Can we have a snack?”
~With summer sports seasons moving into full swing, this post is a good reminder for families with tag along toddlers. Dear Mama Drama: My husband and I have two older elementary and middle school age children who are very active in sports throughout the year. I also have a toddler who gets to tag along to all of their activities. Sometimes my little one does well and other times he really struggles and has big meltdowns. He gets tired and cranky, wants to be picked up or taken home, whines and throws fits, and the games and practices often interrupt his dinner and bedtime. I try to be flexible, but am often exhausted trying to entertain him and still support the older two. I need help juggling all of this, but don’t know where to turn. Any ideas? ~ Stumped Mama (photo credit) Dear Stumped...
I’m pretty sure I already know the answer to that question and it, unfortunately, is yes. The exhaustion. It is slowly killing me. I remember how I felt as a first-time mom with a newborn and wondered how I had the audacity to complain about being tired before having kids. Then I remember how I felt as I returned back to work as a first-time mom and wondered how I had the nerve to complain about being tired with a newborn when I could relax, rest, or even sleep during the day on maternity leave. Then more recently came the sleeplessness of a newborn paired with an early rising toddler and I was catapulted into a whole new inner circle of hell. And finally, the coup de gras of all of this is a baby, a toddler and a full-time job.
Dear Mama Drama: I can’t get my kids to bed at night. They don’t listen when I tell them to stop watching TV or playing and get ready for bed, they fuss about washing their faces and brushing their teeth, and they always have a million reasons why they need to get out of bed. Every night seems to end in yelling and tears. My husband and I are exhausted and the kids are cranky because they don’t get enough sleep. ~ Tired and Cranky Mama (photo credit) Dear Tired and Cranky:
The Sandman used a little too much of his magic on you one night, months ago, and you just woke up out of a deep, deep slumber. You can braid your leg hair. The phrase “I’m gonna pop some tags” means nothing to you. Your pajamas have little snowmen on them, but lilacs are blooming outside. From visual clues, you conclude it’s mid-spring but can’t be sure. Your kids bound into your bedroom, thrilled to see mommy conscious. “Get up, mom!” You send them to fetch the coffee maker. After setting it up on the nightstand, waiting for a pot to brew, and taking a few painful gulps, they begin to speak in a frenzied verbal jumble:
When I reflect on the thirteen years I’ve been a mom (and, no, I cannot believe that tiny baby is really a teenager now!) my favorite moments are often random glimpses of everyday life. Like everyone else I get caught up in the constant doing of life…getting kids from here to there, washing dishes and clothes, wiping bottoms and counters, and the endless picking up of books, toys, clothes, shoes, and the other various and a sundry items that are part of the life of a child…and can forgot about just being. When I take time to be in the moment with my family I am always rewarded with precious moments of joy, wonder, and love like these:
I always knew I wanted to be a mom and I truly loved being pregnant. No, really, and don’t hate me but pregnancy became me and it was easy. For me, all the hard work began after I went into labor and harder yet- raising two daughters. Our first was born May, 2007. We named her Diya which means “light” in our language and a whole new life began. I was determined to have a natural birth because I do not like needles and I hate the thought of not feeling in control. Honestly, I couldn’t believe I was able to pull it off TWICE because I hate pain. My first labor was tough–after approximately 30 hours of horrible, painful labor and