Humor

How to Stop the Curse of the Cursing Kid

I’m salty. I admit colorful language seeps through my filter, especially in situations when emotions are elevated. If my toe is stubbed, I don’t say, “Golly cookies!” When miffed, “Sweet beans!” isn’t my go-to way to let the world know how I feel about spending more than $100 on a tank of gas. I try to be mindful when my kids are around, but sometimes little ears hear words straight out of a can of Morton’s Iodized. Salty. Avoiding the big bad naughty words is important to me. If a word is banned in courtrooms, classrooms, or on sidelines, I probably shouldn’t use it to describe my disappointment that the hot dog buns are stale or the diaper has leaked. My downfall are the words that linger in the fuzzy grey area. My kids pick up on the...

7 ways to make Valentine’s Day a family day!

During my single years, I traveled a rocky road as I attempted to find a man who would one day be legally required to be my Valentine. Some people call it marriage. Now that I have kids and am no longer in the dating trenches, I realize I missed out on Valentine’s Day. It’s not just about romantic love but also about all the whimsical crafts and delicious concoctions that help us express our appreciation for those around us. My most painful Valentine’s Day was my junior year of college. Read more: How to Know When A Clueless Guy is Hopeless

A (Hilarious) Prelude to Potty Training

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine I would ever have to introduce someone, who was not even close to sober, what the potty is and how it’s used. The closest I get in experience is our cat, but we never had to tell the cat what the toilet was or ask her if she had to go potty. We just put her in the bathroom with the litter box and closed the door for an hour. What she did with her time in there was completely up to her whether it was actually using the litter box for its intended purpose or exploring it by building a few sand castles. If we left our child in a room for an hour with nothing but sand and a box we’d open the door to discover she had remodeled the entire room with her poop and eaten half of the sand.

The Many Ages of Facebook. Where Do You Fall?

The differences in our different generations has never been more apparent than when it comes to the use of social media, Facebook specifically. I noticed this the other day when I was unfriended by someone because I had the nerve to "like" a humorous picture someone else had posted on her wall. It was shared from a site called "someecards" and said: "Thank you for the 15th self-portrait you posted this week. Without it, I might have forgotten what you look like."

How much is a tooth worth? Fiscal lessons from the tooth fairy

One of my 2013 resolutions is to do a better job teaching my kids to be fiscally responsible. Last year, I successfully introduced a chore chart but failed to implement a sound savings plan. In parenting circles, whether or not to tie chores to an allowance is a controversial topic. I ultimately decided what worked best for us was to keep them independent. However, I still wanted to teach my kids how to work to earn money so I offered additional tasks with a monetary reward. Example: Giving Mommy a backrub is worth $2 (and its weight in gold). Then, there’s “free money” where the kids don’t need to do anything. There is no more beloved bestower of gratuitous dough than the Tooth Fairy and my first-grade son is on the cusp of a toothless windfall. But free money come...

How a Teenaged Girl Grew a Beard and Liked It

Most 13-year-old girls do not have a beard. But I did. My junior high drama club held auditions for the Christmas play, called “Skullduggery At Santa’s Place.” I had to look up skullduggery in the dictionary when the play’s title was announced. The definition pleased me enough to sign up for the after-school audition. I wanted the part of Cookie Claus, Santa’s beautiful daughter of marrying/kissing age. I poured all my energy into becoming Cookie, believing the part would launch me into a Love’s Baby Soft scented stratosphere of Junior High fame. I read my lines with delicate but passionate intensity, with a tinge of sweet spunk and the ability to swoon at the sight of the nearest imaginary but C. Thomas Howell-handsome Canadian Mountie.

Why do you make your bed (and do you teach your kids to do it?)

I am probably the most casual perfectionist you’ll ever meet. I love it when things are just-so. I love knowing what to expect, and having a plan, and I need all my picture frames to be straight…not necessarily dusted every day, but straight. Again, I’m a perfectionist, but I’m trying to be casual about it. But, there are some aspects of my life that don’t fit into that “perfectionist” stereotype. For example, I don’t make my bed every day. There, I admitted it out loud. What can I say?

Funny Now Trending Holiday Gift Guide…With Facial Hair!

If you’re going to gift to impress, you might want to do a little research and choose something a bit more thoughtful, unique, trendy…and remember…this season, EVERYTHING is better with a little facial hair. Ya, I just said that.

Do I hear someone peeing in the dining room?!

My kids were pretending to pee on each other today. Thank God (I mean it) they were just pretending! This thankfulness is running neck and neck with my thankfulness that this was happening in my dining room and not in the middle of a department store. Our kids do strange and upsetting things. This particular weirdness would be compounded if my kids were say 15 and 18 years old instead of 3 and 6. Those are problems I will deal with if they come. But it reminded me that life is never predictable with kids around. Will you remember this the next time you see a mother at the end of her rope in the middle of the grocery store? (Everyone probably just needs a nap.) Can you keep this in mind the next time you see a 4-year-old girl wearing her tutu with snowboots and Halloween t-shirt in the midd...

15 things that I never said before I had kids

There are a lot of things my husband and I talk about now that we never did before having kids. There are reasons why this happens long after the first infatuation. Example One [takes place at the present time]:  Him: What’s that on your shirt? Me: Poop. I can say this as if having fecal material on my clothes is the most normal thing in the world and all he does is ask me who I think will win tomorrow evening’s football game. Example Two [takes place during the very first date]

Get the best night’s sleep of your life: Win 1 of 4 natural foam pillows from Essentia (a $199 value!)

**CONTEST CLOSED** I stopped in the brand new Essentia Store in Cherry Creek (250 Fillmore St., Denver, CO (720) 941-6300 – Directions) and was greeted by a very simple store that has pillows, mattresses, and not much else. Mattresses for babies, pets and adults, of course, but just mattresses and pillows. Essentia is a Canadian-brand that sells organic natural foam mattresses and pillows, so the store was pretty much spot on—not promising items they don’t sell. I heard the information about the brand; the softness factor, the theory behind the creation of this unique mattress, the eco-friendly procedures of the company, OH . . and that a pillow costs $199 and weighs 5 pounds! I was so intrigued by such a heavy, $200 pillow, I couldn’t wait to test it out. It was in my bed with me by...

One mom’s lessons from a budget child’s room project (and tips for redoing yours)

The two most dreaded words in my vocabulary are “assembly required.” So the whole DIY (do-it-yourself) trend gives me hives. I am the very antithesis of handy, and eagerly defer to The Husband for home projects. That is what makes the following story that much more shocking: I attempted to restore a set of cabinets. By myself. While my house generally gets a passing grade for cleanliness, I fail when it comes to organization. I recently decided to do something about it and ascertained that a storage cabinet for my daughter’s art supplies would be a good start. CLICK TO READ ON