Humor

Winter Park: 7 Grand County Family Activities On and Off the Slopes

As I reached the crest of the first hill, I briefly paused to marvel at my exuberant family breaking trail. The snow whirled around them, casting alabastrine shadows that dipped and rose with the terrain as they hopscotched their way on skis down the mountain. We were in Grand County. As the closest major destination resort to Denver, the Winter Park area is a veritable winter wonderland with a bevy of activities for the entire family–from snowmobiling to free ice skating at Cooper Creek Square to careening down Colorado’s fastest sledding hill at Colorado Adventure Park to warming up at the Foundry Cinema and Bowl. Our weekend was full of fun, laughter and (mis)adventures. And  yes, I’m referring to  when I...

Holiday humor: light hangers vs. light distributors

When decorating the outside of your house for the holidays, there are two very different, but equally, important roles: Light hangers and light distributors. The light hanger’s primary responsibility is to hang the lights. The light distributor’s primary responsibility is to feed the line of lights to the Hanger. Each job requires a huge amount of dependence on the other. Without a light distributor, the hanger is sitting on a ladder two stories up spinning his wheels. Without a light hanger, the distributor is just standing on the lawn with lights hanging from her neck, looking like an idiot. Additional Responsibilities Include: Light Distributor: Untangles lights. Light Hanger: Asks why lights need to be untangled if they were properly wrapped and stored last year. Light Dist...

Kids Say the Funniest Things: Sorry, Mystery Pooper!

I recently took my son Owen to Sam’s Club to do a little post Halloween/my diet starts on Monday shopping. As I was chasing his sugar high up and down the isles he stops mid stride and says, “Mommy, I have to go potty!” By the look on his face I could tell this situation was about to get serious. I threw him over my shoulder hurdling shopping carts and stiff arming innocent taste samplers, praying I had put him in pants that were easy to pull down. As we sprinted into the bathroom the first stall was occupied. Respecting the bathroom code of ethics we went a few stalls down and stripped him of his clothing in the nick of time. I stood there eagerly listening for confirmation that I was by far the best mom in Sam’s Club by getting to my child to the bathroom on time&...

Fun sequence of Stormtroopers assembling Christmas tree goes viral

Who knew that Darth Vader was such a fan of Christmas? A high school student from Columbia, Mo., posted a hilarious photo sequence on Facebook that shows Stormtroopers putting up a Christmas tree from the tree skirt on up. Kyle Shearrer commented on Reddit, “My dad owns about 10 Stormtroopers and we always like playing with them, [so we] figured we would do something a little more festive this year. The whole thing took probably an hour or two on and off to set up, and we had a blast trying to give every trooper a little story.” To see the entire series of photos, go to Kyle’s Facebook page.

For anyone who’s struggled in math, this kid will rule the world

For anyone who has ever been baffled by math (or has a child who struggles), this post is for you. A mom uploaded the following picture of her child’s math homework on Imgur and captioned it “this is why my kid is going places.” It went viral for obvious reasons. Related: This video “Math Class” by Kid Snippets might be my favorite all-time video, primarily because we live this every time we help with math homework. Apparently, the 7 million people who’ve viewed this video agree.

Dumb Dinner Game Life Lessons

So I have started this new THING at dinner called “What would you do?” Because I’m always trying to find a way to inject a life lesson when my children are NOT in trouble, NOT tuning me out, and NOT crying so hard that my platitudes about how you should “never ever NEVER grab a cactus with your bare hands” tend to go unheard. For my kids, life lessons work best if they are game-like in nature. So it works like this: I set up a scenario and then ask the contestants, “What would you do?” My two oldest children, highly competitive in nature, work out their answers, trying to outdo the other in terms of overall impressiveness. They get graded on “Applicability.” “Creativity.” And there’s bonus points on “Brown-Nosing...

Happy Veterans Vegetarian Day (kids say the cutest things)

My friend Julia posted the cutest interaction with her 7-year-old son. Zeke: Mom, this month it’s Thanksgiving and Vegetarian’s Day. Julia (thinking): That’s kind of ironic to have Turkey Day and Vegetarian’s day in the same month. So she asked Zeke: When is Vegetarian’s day? Zeke: Wednesday (today)! Julia: Ohhh, Veterans Day. Zeke: That’s what I said. We’ll need a moment of education before the holiday, but until then to all you vegetarians out there, Zeke’s thinking of you. On a more serious note, please take a moment to remember our veterans today. Gretchen posted some discounts and freebies for service members. The Veterans United Network has some great advice in https://www.veteransunited.com/network/honoring-those-wh...

You’ll laugh at toddler’s response to Adele’s hit song “Hello”

Adele’s hit single “Hello” has hit a high  note after her three-year hiatus. The song’s music video set a record on Vevo for most views in a single-day and as of Friday afternoon, the music video has been viewed more than 252 million times. Listening to the the emotional lyrics can evoke many responses but none more adorable than 15-month-old Jalal Hijaz. And while you’re at it, Ellen has a pretty hilarious take on “Hello” as well.

Late Fall: When our orderly and productive school year falls apart

It’s fall! The leaves are done turning, I’m ODing on pumpkin spice everything and the kids have been back to school for a few months now. At our house, this can only mean one thing — that all the organized systems and schedules I had in place to ensure an Orderly and Productive School Year are now falling apart in spectacular fashion. We always start our game strong. Just look at us! I’m not actually in this picture, but I swear to you — I look good. My hair is washed. I have make-up on. I’m wearing clothes that match and have a non-stretching waistband. This is my back-to-school, too, don’t forget, and I’m about to see all my friends for the first time in a few months. All of us are rocking it. Everyone’s stuff was ready the night befo...

The giant gourd of horror (and why our neighbors will never trust us again)

As many of you know, my husband Jamie is obsessed with growing The Great Pumpkin (read more about it in Sordid Secrets and the Husbands Who Keep Them) and I have an entire category about pumpkins on my personal blog. Before you place judgement about what I’m going to tell you, let me assure you that the Great Pumpkin brings a lot of joy to child and adults. It was the star attraction at Volunteers of America’s Halloween Party and it also made appearances to the special education kids at our high school and our own children’s elementary school. Our fourth grade son proudly made a speech about his growing efforts while our sixth grade daughter hunked down, pretending not to know us. I wore my embarrassing pumpkin glasses just for her. Our evil plan was hatched quite by acci...

VIDEO: If mothers talked to each other the same way they talk to their kids

Do you ever really pay attention to what you say to your children? In this new video from the hilarious moms of The BreakWomb, they are having an adult conversation…as if they are talking to their kids.

Whodunit? Our Halloween Mystery Ghost(s)

We have had some paranormal activities Chez Johnson that are wreaking all sorts of havoc and sending a shiver down my spine. Our ghost first put holes near the top of our blinds. Then, the florescent light cover in our kitchen not only crashed to the ground but these spirits somehow carried it all the way to the garbage can outside. And don’t get me started on the jar of peanut butter that floated to the basement, the most minor of the trespasses but still a head-scratcher. All of these situations have been met with the  doe-eyed innocence of our kids. “Mom, I have no idea how that happened” or “maybe it was Fat Kitty,” which makes me seriously worry about their power of persuasion if they’re trying to convinc...