But then Ellen DeGeneres and her partner, Portia de Rossi, both vegans, hired him to be their personal chef.

Now, he rarely puts anything in his body that comes from animals.

For Martin, ethics and health concerns spurred the switch. But it probably wouldn’t have happened, he said, if the food tasted like dreck.

“When it’s a choice, you want something good,” said the author of “Vegan Cooking for Carnivores.” “My idea is don’t get rid of your old cookbooks if you turn vegan; pull them out and do substitutions.”

Martin, for example, uses the “Joy of Cooking” recipe for the French chicken dish coq au vin (which he memorized long ago) for his vegan take on the classic, using tofu for the slab of protein.

It wasn’t long ago that vegan meant brown rice, lentils, salads and noodles. Vegan was like vegetarian without the dollops of fun — the cheese, the cream, the butter.

It’s different now. The supermarket aisle for vegan products is growing, and offerings taste better than ever. Publishers release new vegan cookbooks every week, containing thousands of recipes for things that require quotation marks: macaroni and “cheese,” pulled “pork” sandwiches, “chicken” pot pie.

And restaurants increasingly offer vegan options. Some places, like Watercourse Foods and City O’ City in Denver, cater explicitly to both vegans and vegetarians, so eggs and dairy products find their way on the menu, but nothing involving meat.

This month Native Foods, a vegan chain, opens one of its first outposts beyond California, in Boulder. At Native Foods, vegans don’t need to worry about finding egg in a tofu scramble, or biting into a chunk of feta in a bean burger.

The trend hasn’t escaped the food-truck world, with Denver’s Vegan Van slinging “meatball” subs and more through its small window. Track its wheareabouts at veganvan.com.

A vegan market, too, is set to open soon in Denver’s RiNo neighborhood. Nooch Vegan Market will be one of a handful of similar markets opening up around the country, said Joshua LaBure, 26, who is opening the market and helped start Plants and Animals, a 2-year-old nonprofit that holds vegan feasts and pop-up markets. Its monthly Chomp dinners at Green Spaces, 1368 26th St., attract between 100 and 150 people.

“There’s even a vegan market in Denton, Texas,” said LaBure. “I figured if they can stay open, then we can make it work.”

Like many vegans, LaBure’s conversion from smoked brisket to barbecue tempeh grew not from a love of seitan and hemp milk. Instead, vegan buzz — centering on claims the meat industry treats animals with cruelty, on worries about the world’s fisheries vanishing, on health — persuaded him to begin exploring. Eventually, “it clicked.”

For Beth Ann Senderak, a Castle Rock nurse, all it took was a chance encounter with a book three years ago at Denver International Airport to turn her from eager carnivore to proud vegan.

“Ten pages into that book (“Harvest for Hope,” by Jane Goodall), I was like, I can no longer eat meat,” she said. “My husband was like, OK, you have gone crazy.”

But weeks later, he too began shunning meat. Then it became a family affair — the kids, now 4 and 6, and even the dogs, Tinka, Merlin and Pali, joined in.

With the kids, it was tough at first because they didn’t understand why chicken fingers and McDonald’s (where Senderak said they probably ate once a week) went away.

But now, she says, the kids willingly turn up their noses at anything made from animals.

Revulsion over animal cruelty explains why many turn vegan. Movies like “Food, Inc.” and “Earthlings” push things along on the animal-welfare front, along with celebrities like DeGeneres. Health figures into the movement, too — that’s why Bill Clinton switched from a bacon-cheeseburger to a veggie-chili diet.

But as it nudges into the mainstream, controversy sometimes bubbles up. On a recent episode of the “Today” show, guests trashed a children’s book advocating veganism called “Vegan Is Love.”

“I think it just goes to show that we know on some level that what we do to animals is violent and wrong, too scary to even talk about with our children,” said author Ruby Roth.

But when parents do eliminate animal products from a kid’s diet, is that healthy?

The milk industry thinks kids need that white mustache.

“Vegans tend to fall short on calcium, vitamin D, high-quality protein, B12, zinc and iron. Dairy is an important source for some of those,” said Jenna Allen, a registered dietitian and nutrition affairs manager for the Western Dairy Association, based in Thornton.

Denver dietitian Angela Moore said vegans, including kids, can get most of what they need without meat. But it can be at least slightly tricky. A diet of chips and salsa is not a good one.

For kids under the age of 2, she recommends talking with a pediatrician.

“I wouldn’t take it lightly; I’d put all of your ducks in a row before you put the whole family on a vegan diet,” she said.

The key to eating, regardless of diet, is a set of “four pillars” that should support everything else, said Sarah Morgan, a healthy-eating specialist at Whole Foods Market in Boulder.

“Plant-strong, whole-food, nutrient-dense, healthy fats,” she said. “That’s the most important approach.”

But it’s easy to even be vegan and shrug off the advice.

The growth in the vegan packaged-foods section — the land of vegan junk food — has been “tremendous,” said Jody Mason with New Hope Natural Media in Boulder. Among other things, the health-media publisher also runs natural-foods conferences. At this year’s big one in March, Mason saw a lot more vegan products than in the past: vegan shrimp, vegan ice creams, vegan TV dinners and more.

“Five years ago, no way,” she said. “It was Rice Dream (a vegan ice cream) in the frozen section. It was like, nice try.”

-Douglas Brown

==============

VEGAN RESOURCES

• Plants & Animals, Denver advocacy group, plantsanimals.org

• Vegan Coloradical, dining and travel guide, vegancoloradical.com

• Watercourse Foods and City O’ City restaurants, watercoursefoods.com

• Native Foods Cafe, nativefoods.com

• Boulder vegan Meet-Up group, meetup.com/coloradovegans/

• Denver Meetup group, meetup.com/DenverAndBeyondVeganMeetup/

• Vegetarian Society, vegetariansocietyofcolorado.org

==============

VEGAN RECIPES:

Vegan Lasagna

“If you want to, you can add some Tofurkey crumbles to the marinara sauce. Your omnivore friends will have no idea that it is vegan!” says Beth Ann Senderak. This recipe from Diana Glaizer of Denver makes about 12 servings.

Ingredients

1½ 12-ounce blocks firm organic tofu, drained

1 10-ounce package organic frozen spinach, thawed and drained

1 tablespoon garlic powder or 1-2 cloves fresh organic garlic, chopped

1 teaspoon sea salt and fresh ground black pepper

1 teaspoon oregano

cup nutritional yeast flakes

2 tablespoons organic olive oil

1½ 24-ounce jars organic marinara sauce1 package organic whole wheat no-boil lasagna noodles

1 package Daiya shredded vegan mozzarella

Directions

Preheat oven to 450 degrees.

Put tofu into food processor or bowl. Add spinach, garlic, salt, pepper, oregano, yeast flakes and olive oil. Pulse or mix by hand in bowl until well mixed and smooth, scraping sides of bowl. Add seasonings to taste.

Spray a 13-by-9-inch glass pan with olive oil and cover it with a thin layer of marinara. Spread tofu “ricotta” mixture on the noodles and lay them on top of marinara. Sprinkle a third of the Daiya mozzarella on top of that. Repeat all of these layers again twice to make 3 layers.

Cover with foil and bake for 40 minutes. Remove from oven, uncover and bake an additional 15-20 minutes.

==============

Red Beans and Rice

From “Vegan Cooking for Carnivores,” by Roberto Martin. Makes 6 servings.

Ingredients

2 cups brown or white basmati rice

3 cups water

Two 15-ounce cans kidney beans, rinsed and drained, or 1 cup dried kidney beans soaked and cooked.

4 cups broth made from Better than Bouillon vegetable base

2 Field Roast Apple Sage Sausages, or other- quality vegan sausage

2 Field Roast Italian Sausages, or other high- quality vegan sausage

1 tablespoon high-heat oil such as grapeseed or safflower oil

1 large white onion, diced medium

6 6-inch celery stalks, diced small

4 garlic cloves, minced

1 teaspoon chile powder

1 teaspoon dried thyme

1 red bell pepper, cored, seeded and minced

Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

½ cup thinly sliced scallions

Directions

Rinse the basmati rice thoroughly. In a pot with a tight-fitting lid, bring the rice and 3 cups of water to a boil, reduce the heat to low, and maintain a gentle simmer. Cover the pot and cook the rice until the water has been absorbed, about 20 minutes. Remove the pot from the heat and keep the rice covered until needed.

In a blender, purée three-quarters of the rinsed beans in the 4 cups of broth until smooth. Add the remaining beans to the puréed mixture but do not blend.

Cut the sausages into quarters lengthwise, then cut them crosswise into -inch pieces and set aside.

Heat a 4- to 5-quart stew pot over high heat, add the oil, and wait until it shimmers. Add the onion and celery and cook, stirring with a wooden spoon, until translucent, about 10 minutes. Add the garlic and cook 2 minutes more. Add the sausage, chile powder, thyme, bean purée and bell peppers, bring to a simmer, and cook for 10 to 15 minutes, stirring frequently.

Season with salt and pepper. Serve the red beans over basmati rice, garnished with the sliced scallions.

==============

Tofu Crab Cakes With Simple Slaw

From “Vegan Cooking for Carnivores,” by Roberto Martin. Makes 24 crab cakes.

Ingredients

SIMPLE SLAW

¼ head green cabbage, shredded (about 2 cups)

1 fat carrot, peeled and grated

1 tablespoon vegan mayonnaise

½ teaspoon onion powder

½ bunch scallions, green parts only, cut on the bias

Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

QUICK CRAB CAKE SAUCE

¼ cup whole-grain mustard

½ cup vegan mayonnaise

Juice of ½ small lemon

2 teaspoons Old Bay seasoning

TOFU CRAB CAKES

One 14- to 16-ounce block firm organic tofu

2 teaspoons plus 2 tablespoons high-heat oil, like safflower or grapeseed

6 medium celery stalks, minced

½ bunch scallions, white and green parts

2 teaspoons garlic powder

2 tablespoons toasted nori1 tablespoon Old Bay Seasoning

½ cup panko bread crumbs, plus 2 cups for crusting cup vegan mayonnaise

Directions

For slaw: Mix the first five ingredients in a medium bowl and season to taste with salt and pepper.

For sauce: Mix all of the ingredients together in a bowl and refrigerate.

For tofu crab cakes: Cut the tofu into slices and press through a potato ricer or roughtly chop it and pulse it in a food processor fitted with a steel blade until minced but not puréed. Set aside.

Heat a medium sauté pan over high heat. Add the 2 teaspoons of oil and wait until it shimmers. Add the celery and scallions and cook until the celery has softened. Allow the vegetables to cool slightly. Mix the tofu and celery mixture in a medium bowl and fold in the garlic powder, nori, Old Bay seasoning, ½ cup bread crumbs, and vegan mayonnaise.

Place the remaining 2 cups of bread crumbs in a pie pan or shallow bowl and set aside. Shape a heaping tablespoon of the mixture into a small disk and gently press both sides into the bread crumbs. Using the palm of your hand, gently press the bread crumbs into the cake. Place the uncooked tofu crab cakes on a parchment-paper-lined baking sheet or on a large plate.

Heat a large nonstick sauté pan over high heat, add 2 tablespoons of high-heat oil, and wait until the oil shimmers. Place the tofu crab cakes in the pan and cook until brown, hot, and crispy. Transfer to paper towels to absorb excess oil.

Place each crab cake over a mound of slaw and dollop each cake with the sauce.

==============

Shepherd’s Pie

From “Vegan Cooking for Carnivores,” by Roberto Martin. Makes 8 servings.

Ingredients

1 cup dried French green lentils, rinsed, or one 12-ounce package of Smart Ground Original or Boca Meatless Ground Crumbles

2 pounds russet potatoes

4 tablespoons vegan butter, melted

½ cup warm almond or soy milk

1 tablespoon chopped fresh chives (optional)

Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

2 tablespoons high-heat oil such as safflower or grapeseed oil

1 white or brown onion, diced small

3 garlic cloves, minced

2 celery stalks, minced

1 large carrot, cut into small dice

1 teaspoon fresh or dried thyme

3 tablespoons all-purpose flour

1½ cups broth made from Better Than Bouillon No Beef Base or Better Than Bouillon Vegetable Base

½ cup frozen peas

Directions

Preheat oven to 420 degrees. If you are using lentils instead of meat substitutes, place lentils in a medium pot and cover with 1 inch of cold water.

Cover the pot and bring the water to a boil. Reduce the heat to medium-low and simmer for 20 minutes. The lentils will most likely be undercooked but that is OK as they will be further cooked later. Drain the lentils and reserve.

If you are using meat alternative, follow the directions and set aside.

While the lentils are cooking, make the mashed potatoes. Peel and rinse the potatoes and place them in a large pot. Fill the pot with water to at least 3 inches above the potatoes. Bring to a boil, reduce the heat, and simmer until the potatoes are soft.

Drain the potatoes and place them in an ovenproof baking dish or pan. Bake them for 5 minutes, to remove excess moisture, and leave the oven on.

Working quickly, being careful not to burn yourself, push the potatoes through a potato ricer or mash them with a potato masher. Add the melted butter, warm milk, and chopped chives, if using, and stir until well-incorporated. Season to taste with salt and freshly ground black pepper.

Heat a large sauté pan over medium heat, add the oil, and wait until it shimmers. Add the diced onions and sauté for 5 minutes, or until the onions begin to show color. Add the garlic, celery, carrot, and thyme and cook for 3 minutes more.

Sprinkle the flour over the vegetables and stir in.

Carefully pour broth into the pan and stir until well incorporated.

Stir the lentils, or meat alternative, into the pan and stew for 5 minutes.

Add the peas to the lentil mixture and season to taste with salt and pepper. Spread the mixture evenly into an 11-by-7-inch ovenproof baking dish.

Top with the mashed potatoes, starting around the edges to create a seal to prevent the mixture from bubbling up. Smooth the top with a rubber spatula. Bake the pie for 25 minutes, or until the potatoes begin to brown. Allow the pie to cool at least 15 minutes before serving.

Saturday-Sunday. Enjoy a day in the park—with a soundtrack—at the seventh annual Highlands Ranch Music Arts Festival. Presented by the Highlands Ranch Concert Band and Swing Shift, the band’s jazz group, the festival features two days of music in a variety of genres. Bring a picnic setup and settle in with ensembles like Too Many Trombones, the Rootin’ Tootin’ Dixieland Band, the Denver Concert Band and, of course, the Highlands Ranch Concert Band and Swing Shift. A vendor market will be onsite, too, including snack sellers, crafters and local artists. 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. Saturday, 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. Sunday. Civic Green Park, 9370 Ridgeline Blvd., Highlands Ranch. Admission is free. hrmafestival.org

Kathleen St. John

=====

Save-the-dates: June 15-August 22. Children’s Museum of Denver’s Just Add Water is an innovative outdoor summer exhibit full of swirling, whirling, geyser-filled adventures. Explore the wildly unpredictable elements of water as you pump, channel, pour, sprinkle, divert and paint in The Geyser, Water Works, Whirlpools and Fountains and the Blank Slate Gallery. All Just Add Water activities are included with Museum admission.

FREE Concert – 303 Choir.

The 303 Choir is a choir for teens in Denver that performs music that is written by local artists & poets from all genres & walks of life. Check-out their first free concert on May 20 at 3 p.m. at Arvada Church of Christ.

Shutterfly Photo Book
Every year, I put together a yearbook for my kids – of all the fun things we have done over the year. But thanks to Ellen DeGeneres and Shutterfly – you can get a free 20-page photo book for Mother’s Day.  Turn all those photos you take into a professional looking book that the kids will enjoy more than a bedtime story!  Click here for more details (you have until May 29th to use it).

Email me if you know of any great Denver deals!

Don’t want to miss any of Mile High Mamas’ contests and events? Be sure to sign up for our weekly email newsletter so you can forward these great deals to your friends.

You can also follow me on Twitter (GeeWhy93).  If I find a great deal during the week, I’ll tweet it out.

With 10 acres of varied terrain and 2 miles of interconnected trails, Toyota Elephant Passage not only showcases Southeast Asia’s wildlife (including Asian elephants, one-horned rhinoceros, Malayan tapir, the fishing cat, clouded leopard and the Asian small-claws otters) but tells the stories of people and places in tropical Asia.

On Thursday, my daughter Hadley and I got a preview of the preview. Finishing touches were being put on the exhibit and very few animals were in place but it was enough to make us excited for this immersive exhibit that celebrates the rich cultural connections of Asian people with wildlife.

The 411 on the Exhibit

The Toyota Elephant Passage is indeed just that–a passage. Throughout the day, you will be able to experience three animal crossings above and right in front of you as they move to different yards. The 400-seat McGrath Family Amphitheater is where zookeepers will give regular demonstrations.

There are three main parts to the exhibit:

1) Village Outpost–Depicts a rural village and the local struggle to co-exist with the elephants. Kid-friendly: The Granary is a hut where you can see a knocked-down wall–evidence of how destructive an elephant can be when fighting for resources to survive.

2) Schoelzel Family Village–This happenin’ plaza will be where the action is. Kid-friendly: Explore a local market and learn Hindu and Buddhist traditions with various booths. Make a prayer flag on select days. Let your children spin the prayer wheels.
They will also love climbing on the Mark and Sally Murray Leopard Log or just pretending to go for a ride in a Tuk-Tuk.

Note: I am screaming partially due to the crazy driver but also out of discomfort because those back seats are made for short people.

3) Chang Pa Wildlife Preserve–Don’t like barriers? Then you’ll love watching the white-cheeked gibbons (apes) swing directly over your boardwalk between three island habitats. This peaceful, beautiful area shows how animals are managed in protected areas of Southeast Asia. Kid-friendly: Swing like monkeys at the Brachiation Station. Identify animal tracks at the Khao Yai Research Station, or try on a pair of over-sized ears at the Elephant Listening Station.

Fun facts:

What You Need to Know

Denver Zoo is offering Sneak Peeks for guests to see Toyota Elephant Passage May 19 – 30 before it opens to the public on June 1. For an additional fee guests can experience the new exhibit with the purchase of a timed entry reservation to access the exhibit. Space is limited and the most popular times are expected to sell out quickly. Go here for more information.

Important: When the Toyota Elephant Passage opens on June 1, you cannot just show up to view the exhibit. You must go online to make your timed entry reservations here.. Timed entry reservations are FREE with zoo admission and offer visitors the ability to select specific times to enjoy Toyota Elephant Passage. This will allow guests to enjoy shorter lines and a better viewing experience.

Contest

Mile High Mamas is giving away four tickets to the Toyota Elephant Passage preview that will run May 19-30, 2012. Go here to enter. Contest deadline is May 20, 2012.

Recent studies noted in The Denver Post show that families now make up two-thirds of Denver’s homeless population and there are triple the number of homeless students in our city since 2004. The number has shocked many, myself included, and with the camping ban in Denver City Council, homelessness has become an issue getting mainstream attention once again.

I had a conversation with a friend recently on how to introduce or not introduce our children to the issues of homelessness. My husband and I made an intentional choice to introduce our children to these issues at a young age, and as a way to keeping ourselves mindful as well. It makes it much harder to complain about the cold or your shower being lukewarm when you exit your front door in January and encounter many people trying to find warmth on the steel grates on Glenarm.

I have found it makes buyer’s remorse a common feeling when I exit TJ Maxx or Aveda full of packages to encounter the same woman asking for a little change. When The Children’s Place closed on the mall earlier this year, I bought tons of snow gear for next season, and on the way home met a woman with a baby 10 months clothed only in pajamas. It made it easy to part with those snowsuits I thought I needed to stock up on.

Every day we encounter the ugliness of homelessness in our neighborhood, and sometimes I feel the selfishness of my luxury. I feel inconvenienced on the way to the library when my stroller can’t get through the campers. I am angry when homeless people scream at cops with obscenities my children can hear. I get annoyed at the smells of urine on the street. I feel resentful of the interruption of my comfortable life. And yet, I know this is one of the reasons we live where we live, so I can encounter my fear and selfishness head on and not be allowed to remove myself from the reality that is life for many other families in this city.

And everyday, over the last year, we have also seen the beauty of the people behind homelessness. Not many residents live in my area, and very few families. In the winter, it can often feel like just the kids and myself walking up and down the snowy mall. Our neighbors are the homeless people who consistently help me open doors for the stroller, notify me if one of the children have dropped a toy on the street, or even on occasion, take a photo for us, so that we can all be together in the picture. I am humbled every time this happens, that people living with such hardship can find ways for such random acts of kindness.

My four year old asks a lot about the issues of homelessness, questions us when we do not give money to people on the street, and attempts to identify homelessness anytime he is out. Tonight, he took to the fountains in Writer’s Square and made a wish with a penny. He is pretty self-centered these days (for instance, he thinks everybody’s birthday should be his birthday) so I was beyond touched when I heard him say, “I wish that Mother Nature (this is who he refers to as his higher power lately) will take care of the homeless for all of my life.”

The issues around homelessness in our city are complex but they can’t be ignored, especially for the families living on the streets. I am reminded of the horrible irony that these people who have actually made my neighborhood feel more like a home in many ways are left without homes. When you decide to introduce homelessness to your children is a personal choice, but our work as a community must step up as our homeless population, made up of our children’s peers, continues to rise dramatically, shelters continue to close, and more people lose the choice of “home.”

Guest blogger Letia Frandina is a mother of two young boys and resides in Downtown Denver with her husband. She earned her Ph.D. from the University of North Carolina in communication studies. When she is not roaming the streets of Denver with her sons, she teaches courses in media culture, public speaking, and urban rhetoric, and also serves on the board for the creation of a new downtown public charter school, Downtown Denver Expeditionary School.

Now you can win a Nook and a lot more (including a Target gift card, bookshelf and Fatboy chair) with a Target giveaway valued at over $500.

The Program
This great giveaway is in collaboration with the Target School Library Makeover Program, which is a part of Target’s commitment to helping more children learn to read proficiently by the end of third grade. Target is on track to give $1 billion for education with the goal to breathe new life into elementary school libraries across the country. This year’s program will include three key components:

Library Makeovers: Target and The Heart of America Foundation will transform 32 school libraries across the country. Each of the remodeled spaces will feature 2,000 new books, furniture, carpet and shelves, and a complete technology upgrade, including new iPads. Each student will also receive seven new books to take home.

On September 7, 2012, Denver’s very own Godsman Elementary School will be receiving a library makeover! Past Colorado recipients of this great program have included Denver’s Cowell Elementary School (2009), Park Lane Elementary School in Aurora (2010) and Lasley Elementary School in Lakewood (2011). Check-out this sample makeover (click for full-size picture):

Reading Grants: Target plans to provide $1.5 million in reading grants to more than 100 schools that have previously received a library makeover as a result of the Target School Library Makeover program. The grants will be used to improve reading proficiency.

Literacy Pilot Program: Target will work with school districts in Los Angeles and Washington, D.C. to develop a literacy pilot. In total, twelve schools were chosen to participate in this innovative program.

Contest

Target is offering one lucky Mile High Mama the chance to win the following:

This giveaway is valued at approximately $500. Please go here to enter. Contest deadline is Sunday, May 20, 2012.

Follow the latest and greatest through Target’s online magazine called, A Bullsey View. Note: Target has provided Mile High Mamas with these giveaway packages to share with readers at no cost as a part of their Target School Library Makeover Program.

Here’s my story.

Barry and I got married in Atlanta in 2004, and we decided to hold off on having children for a year because both our fathers passed that year and we needed some time to grieve. By May 2006, we were pregnant and our beautiful daughter was born in January 2007. We knew we wanted another child, but we hoped to move to Denver first. We vacationed there in 2005 and fell in love with its outdoor beauty and laid back lifestyle. So, We sold our house and became Denver residents by the summer of 2008.

By 2010, we were settled in our new home and had adjusted to our new roommate, my mother-in-law who moved in with us after selling her home in Michigan in 2009. It was finally time to get pregnant again. It was easy the first time so it should be just as easy with No. 2, right? Not so much.

Over the next 15 months, I suffered an ectopic pregnancy, a miscarriage and then another ectopic pregnancy. With each loss, I had to go through extensive medical treatments and procedures. All three sucked in their own way, and each came with its share of physical and emotional pain.

After the miscarriage, we decided it was time to see a specialist. My OB-GYN recommended we see Dr. Michael Swanson at Conceptions. He knew so much about infertility that Barry and I left the first appointment completely speechless, but in a good way. I’ve never seen a doctor get so excited about preparing a couple for their “game plan” as if it was his first. It was refreshing.

And so the tests began – bloodwork, ultrasounds, X-rays and more bloodwork. I began to feel like my girly parts were a part of a freak show. I imagined J.D. from “Scrubs” was the show’s host, leading guests through the tour that started at my vagina and moved through my ovaries and fallopian tubes. “You came at a great time, ladies and gentlemen,” he would say. “We’ll have to close off this spectacular show next week because we haven’t learned how to split the Red Sea yet (aka my menstrual cycle)!” As he winked, the guests looked at him like he was a freak, which in this case, he was.

Barry’s tests were easy compared to my spread-eagle-in-stirrups escapes. All he had to do to was spend some time watching a porno movie while sitting on a comfortable couch in a private room. He even had a back door he could sneak out of when he was done. I imagine a neon sign above that door flashing, “Nude Gurlz Here! It’s the Back Door of a Fertility Clinic, No One Will Ask!”

We learned from the tests that I have older eggs and Barry has some funky-shaped sperm. While we can get pregnant, our plumbing doesn’t run as smoothly as they did when our daughter was born. Luckily, we didn’t have other serious issues like my uterus lining was too thin, cysts or cancer found in my ovaries, Barry’s sperm was slow or my uterus was a “hostile environment.” Knowing we can still get pregnant should be comforting, right? In some ways, yes, but in other ways, not being able to stay pregnant is heartbreaking.

After much consideration, we’ve now decided to try IVF, or In Vitro Fertilization . If you’re not familiar with the process, here’s a quick synopsis. I have to take medication to grow follicles (or the eggs) and Barry has to go watch another porno movie. Once I have enough follicles, they will be extracted and then injected with Barry’s sperm in hopes of developing one or two healthy eggs. Once the egg matures, it will then be injected back into me. After that, we can only hope the pregnancy goes full-term.

So, my IVF journey has now begun, although it feels more like I’m hiking a rocky mountain in wintertime wearing only sandals and a T-shirt than a journey. We have no idea what will happen, but we’re willing to take a shot, and not just the one I shoot in my stomach. That’s an IVF joke….

Dana Stone is a public relations consultant specializing in healthcare communications. She lives in Highlands Ranch with her husband, 5-year-old daughter, mother-in-law and two golden retrievers. She is currently seeking infertility treatments at Conceptions Reproductive Specialists of Colorado .

C was unaware of the stirring. His baby boy was coming to greet him. Knocking on the walls that held him, preparing his mother for his arrival; she timed him. There had been false knocks before, too soon that medication needed to quiet them. This time was different. The knocks came, rhythmically. The timing was right now…not too soon. His anxiously excited mother measured the minutes, for she knew his father had just laid down his weary body.

She rocks C lightly, his sleep is not deep. “It’s time,” she softly says.

“For what?” the grogginess of his voice tells her that he’s hardly aware of what he’s saying.

“The baby’s coming. It’s time.”

“Why don’t you time it for 15 minutes or so…” he trails off as he rolls over.

Laughing, the first time mom says, “I have timed it. For an hour. It’s time!”

“An hour?” He’s awake now. C sits up to watch as she laxly makes her way into the bathroom…and turns on the shower. He holds back his pace as he chases after her and asks her what she’s doing. “They said you’re not supposed to do that. Don’t shower. If it’s time, we have to go. What if he comes too quickly?!? What if we’re stuck in the car because you had to shower.”

Determined and laughing she tells him that she’s taking a shower and that’s that. He waits.

They make their way to the designated hospital. It’s now 2:45 am. Sitting down at the triage desk, they calmly explain the anticipated arrival of their little love. Paperwork completed, a wheel chair fetched, the would-be first time parents make their way to labor and delivery with the air of a happy couple doing what they already know to do…at least that’s how it looked.

Discussions. Introductions. A check by a nurse. 2 centimeters she declares. Not enough to stay. “Go walk,” she instructs them. “Walk the floor, in circles, around and around…let’s see if we can’t get things moving a little more.”

So, they walk. In circles. Around the labor and deliver floor. For 30 minutes. They walk.

Trickles of perspiration appear about C’s face. Throughout their mandated walk about the floor, he had watched the mother of his first child bend over in pain. Series if not streams of contractions would pull her body towards the ground. His body, in response, was in a constant state of preparedness, bracing to hold her somewhat erect as the pain rippled through her body. Simultaneously, this was what he thought birth would be (from his viewpoint) and yet it wasn’t. Why are they walking the floor? If this isn’t birth, and they were sent home, what the heck would happen next? How would they handle it? How much more pain would he watch her in before someone would proclaim his baby boy ready to be received?

They returned to their room when the continued walking seemed impossible. The nurse checked her again. “Nope. Still 2 centimeters. Maybe just a little more. It looks like we’ll be sending you home.”

Panic nearly overtook C. Dazed confusion became apparent on the face of the would-be new mom. Both sat in piercing silence. Then, shift change, i.e., nurse change.

The couple overhears the hallway conversation. Nurse #1 is informing Nurse #2 that it is time to send this falsely laboring couple home. This was met by the tone of a nurse obviously less than professionally impressed by Nurse #1. Nurse #2 enters the room, snaps her gloves on while swiftly walking towards the couple, and announces that she’s checking for herself. (The feeling of being a physically “open” experiment to ogle at begins…)

“5.5 almost 6 centimeters!” she broadcasts rather loudly. Obviously this was out of frustration and with the purpose of letting Nurse #1 know her mistake. “You’re not going anywhere” she continues. “There’s a line for the epidural. If you want it, we need to do it now and I’ll cut you in line. OR, do you want to do this without? You seem like you’re managing the pain pretty well,” Nurse #2 smiles…

Whether out of optimism, surprise or excitement, C loses all sense of ‘the plan’, and follows suit, “What do you think” he asks his wife to be, “Do want to try to go without?” His innocent smile is met with a look of pure disbelief mixed with the edge of insanity, and a hint of pain to come for him. He retracts his question while the new mom-to-be blurts, “They make drugs for a reason!”

The line runs in smoothly…another one of those experiences that can never clearly be explained or fully understood without personal exposure. Nurse #2 and the couple quickly become friendly. Jokes fly, comfort and support is offered and accepted. The doctor comes in. The ‘sac’ is broken with promises to return by lunch…

…which arrives too quickly. The nurse checks, asks for a single push while timing on the monitor since the new mom could no longer feel the contractions. The nurse prompts, and within the first push, sternly says, “STOP! Don’t push. I have to get Dr. M here NOW,” and disappears out the door.

Moments later, the doctor pushes into the room and the nurse raises the bedding just a little more. With the raising of the head of the bed, vomiting ensues, a barf bin is inserted under the new mom’s face just in time to capture said fluid AND eye glasses that once were on her face that now land in this bin in between body wrenches.

As she witnesses only a blur of purplish-blue flesh being whisked away for cleaning, the new mom notes to herself that she will no longer listen to the rules of “no contacts”.

…and with that, their new journey begins.

Gina St. Aubin is a former Victim’s Advocate turned advocate for those with intellectual and physical challenges. She is the owner / editor and lead author of Special Happens, a special needs community resource and blog focusing on Autism, Epilepsy, Cerebral Palsy, Sensory Processing Disorder, Developmental Delays and more. She is a mother, wife, writer, special needs advocate, and coffee addict.

And every year growing up, I remember my mother was consumed with guilt and inadequacy, the very antithesis of what Mother’s Day is supposed to be about. Was she the perfect mom? Of course not. None of us are. But she loved, sacrificed and cared for her children as best she could.

A few years ago, I was at a resale children’s clothing store. As I poked around, the shopkeeper asked the age of my son and she confided she had a boy his same age. At check-out, I grabbed both of my children a free sucker to reward them for their good behavior. She looked at me and distastefully commented,

“I just can’t imagine giving my 21-month-old child a sucker.”

I laughed her off but almost wished I had said something like, “Yeah, I feed him straight sugar via intravenous for breakfast.”

As I walked out of the store, I was irate. How dare she criticize me? At that same moment, I noticed a very tan, very pregnant woman leaving the adjacent tanning salon. Immediately, I placed judgment as I incredulously thought, “I can’t believe she is doing that!”

I stopped myself. I did not know that woman. I did not know her circumstances. For all I knew, she had just received a spray-on tan or her skin was naturally that color.

Being a bad mother does not mean you give your child a sucker. It does not mean that you feed your baby formula instead of breastfeeding or that you choose to work instead of stay home. Being a bad mother is not about using disposable vs. cloth diapers or failing to feed your child organic food. Religion (or lack of it) does not make you a bad mother, either.

Don’t get me wrong. There are bad mothers out there. I was recently lead to a fantastic blog post by Sabrina Porterfield on this very subject:

“There are women out there who are bad mothers. There are mothers shooting up while their children die of starvation and neglect in the next room. There are mothers out there who stuff a pillow over their heads so they don’t have to listen to the whimpers from their 8 year olds while their fathers sodomize them. There are mothers out there who abandon their children on the street because they no longer wish to care for them. There are women who slowly twist their children’s limbs until they snap while their children cry and beg, promising to be good.

Bad mothers.

Yes.

But most of us are not.

At some point along the line, women in the Western world stopped trusting their instincts. We began to listen to doctors. We eagerly read studies and books that would confirm to us that yes, we were good mothers!

And worse, we began to betray each other. We began to gather in camps, and we set up rules for what constituted good mothering. And any mother who strayed outside those rules was a bad mother. We’d sit together over tea and discuss in outraged tones the ignorant woman down the street who bottle-fed her child from birth, smugly asserting our superiority in breastfeeding our own children for years. We’d converse over a power lunch about the poor deluded woman who quit her high-profile job so she could stay home and finger-paint, rolling our eyes and congratulating ourselves on our excellent luck in nannies. We’d snipe over email and on message boards, on blogs and over the phone.

Look at me! I am a better mother! And I can prove it to you by surrounding myself with other mothers who think just like me! I can prove it by shoving these books in your face! I can prove it by demeaning other mothers who have made different choices than mine!

Why are we doing this?

Why can’t we feel confident in our own mothering choices? Why do we feel such a need to prove ourselves through book after book and scorn directed towards other mothers?

Ask yourself, and be honest. When was the last time you criticized another mother in your mind? Was it today? Was it yesterday?

The next time you hear yourself making a nasty comment about another mother…stop. Just stop. And ask yourself – is she really a bad mother? Does she abuse her child? Does she neglect her child? Co-sleeping is not abuse. Bottle-feeding is not neglect. Think about what is coming out of your mouth.

Do not diminish the pain of a child who sleeps chained in a closet, ribs cracked from her latest beating by equating her to a child who has learned to sleep by crying it out for a few nights in her crib. Do not diminish the pain of a child who has been sexually abused by equating her to a child that sleeps peacefully between her loving parents. Do not diminish the pain of a child who has not eaten for days by equating her to a child who is not fed meat or who drinks formula.

None of us are perfect. And we will all make mistakes. We will learn, we will revise our thinking; we will throw up our hands and let go of a long cherished ideal because we have just got to do it or collapse.

So how about instead of attacking other mothers, we start feeling confident about ourselves? How about we look to our own children instead of spending time self-righteously judging everyone else’s? Throw away your parenting books. Think about what your doctor tells you and evaluate what it means. When other mothers criticize you, shake it off and ignore the temptation to turn around and attack back.

Let’s try supporting each other for a change. I think it would make all of us better mothers to do so.”

Forward this link to all the mothers you know and let’s rejoice in ourselves and each other this Mother’s Day! And tell us what makes you a good mother?!

Here’s a wonderful picture book story that encourages parents and children to do just that!

Bravo, Maurice!

Written and illustrated by Rebecca Bond

Publisher: Little Brown and Company (2000)

Ages: 4-8

Themes:

Family, valuing one’s own unique qualities and strengths, careers

Synopsis:

When Maurice is born, his family members are convinced that he will grow up to be like each of them. His father, who is a baker, is sure that Maurice has the big hands needed to knead bread. His grandmother believes that Maurice has a nose just like hers and is sure he will become a wonderful gardener. As Maurice grows up, the members of his family make sure he has opportunities to try doing the things they love to do. Will Maurice follow in the footsteps of someone in his family, or will Maurice discover a voice of his own.

Why I like this book:

What a beautiful story of a loving extended family! Even though Maurice’s family members wanted him to love what they loved doing, they were thrilled and excited when they discovered Maurice’s special gift. Young children should be encouraged to have all types of experiences. The story shows kids that we each have special talents and strengths and that everyone is unique and wonderful! This is a message parents MUST teach their children!

Related Activities:

It’s springtime! Take a walk outside with your little ones and observe the budding trees and bushes and the tulips and daffodils blooming everywhere! Maurice’s grandmother was an exceptional gardener and she encouraged Maurice to learn about planting.

Gardening is a multi-generational activity and kids LOVE it. Why not make a planter and help your children plant some herbs that can be grown indoors or outside and then harvested during the summer and used in your meals.

DECORATE A MILK CARTON PLANTER

1. Cut a clean milk container.

2. Use self-stick shelf paper to cover the outside.

3. Poke several holes in the bottom of the container.

4. Fill ¾ high with gardening soil.

5. Buy herb seedlings at the store or use seeds (parsley, basil, oregano, etc.)

6. Set planter on a waterproof tray or plate.

7. Water, set in a sunny spot and watch it grow!

You can find more milk carton crafts at Artists Helping Kids here. (The picture above comes from that website)

Kids LOVE to help in the kitchen and cooking and baking are two of the best activities you can do with them…builds self-esteem, develops better literacy skills and strengthens the parent-child connection!

Maurice helped his father bake bread. Here’s a wonderful quick and easy herb bread recipe from my book that you and your kids will enjoy.

CHILD-FRIENDLY HERB BREAD

You will need: 3 cups flour, 1 tsp salt, 4 ½ tsp baking powder, 3 TB sugar, 1 Tb herb blend (oregano, basil, parsley, rosemary…your choice), 12 oz milk, a large bowl, and a 9×5 inch loaf pan greased.

1. In a large bowl, mix the flour, salt, baking powder, sugar and herb blend.
2. Stir in the milk.
3. Turn the batter into the loaf pan and bake for 60 minutes at 325 degrees.
4. Turn out and cool on rack…delicious toasted or plain.

Congratulations to the winning libraries in the Show Me How Library Project! Twenty libraries will be receiving a copy of Show Me How! Build Your Child’s Self-Esteem Through Reading, Crafting and Cooking. Parents, educators and picture book authors and illustrators in Florida, Texas, Illinois, California, Maine, Iowa, Virginia, Colorado, New Jersey, New York, South Carolina, Pennsylvania and Canada nominated their local libraries and those books will be mailed out next week.

Vivian Kirkfield is a mother of three, an educator and the author of Show Me How! Build Your Child’s Self-Esteem Through Reading, Crafting and Cooking. She lives in the Colorado Rockies and is passionate about picture books, enjoys hiking and fly-fishing with her husband, and loves reading, crafting and cooking with kids during school and library programs. To learn more about her mission to help every child become a reader and a lover of books, please visit her Positive Parental Participation blog or contact her at vivian@positiveparentalparticipation.com. ]]> http://www.milehighmamas.com/2012/05/12/reading-corner-how-to-get-kids-to-pursue-their-dreams-with-activities/feed/ 0