When do kids stop napping? My two and a half year old son has been resisting falling asleep for about a week now but if he does fall asleep, he’s out for 1-2 hours. How do I know if he needs it still? He’s a nightmare around 5 if he doesn’t nap. Suggestions??

~Stumped Mama

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Dear Stumped:

Napping is a tricky topic as each child has his or her own rhythms and needs. Some kids don’t need naps as early as two and others need them until they are six. Here are some things to consider in handling this dilemma.

A good rule of thumb is that young children need 10-12 hours of sleep a day. So if your son isn’t napping, he’ll need to have an earlier bedtime.

The fact that he’s falling apart around 5:00 without a nap suggests that he probably still needs one. Continue putting him down for a “rest” or “quiet time” and see if the change of language helps.

Young children still need down time to help manage all of the activity and stimulation of the day. If they aren’t napping, make sure to have at least an hour of quiet time. This can mean laying in bed or resting on the floor of their room; listening to quiet music, an audio story, or meditation cd; reading books; or playing with quiet toys are good options. Make sure this a “screen free” time.

Look at the timing of his nap. Does it need to be a bit later in the afternoon as he isn’t tired yet at the earlier time? If this causes any difficulty with going to sleep at night, you may want to adjust his bedtime as well.

Naptime is also important for busy moms. Having that quiet time to yourself to rest, relax, or get things done helps you to recharge to make it through the afternoon and evening.

Share your nap stories!

Motherhood is an amazing journey that can have its share of Mama Drama. The Mama Drama column runs on Fridays with everyday mothering questions from readers and answers providing strategies to tackle these daily challenges. Send your questions and challenges to Lisa@milehighmamas.com, and your Mama Drama could be in next week’s column! Lisa is also available for private consultations. All emails and identifying information will remain confidential. Read more of Lisa’s parenting perspective at her Laughing Yoga Mama blog.

This left such an impact on me that I am now involved in my daughters’ school.

Like my mom, I am active, but work to give my children space to be themselves and find their own place without their mother hovering. Unlike my mom, I work outside the home. Also unlike my mom, I do not participate in the PTA directly, but help out in other capacities.

I help in the classroom, fill Friday folders, act as room parent, organize the science fair and sit on the school improvement committee. I also ran a science club last fall.

After that list, I’m wondering if I am giving them space, or enough of my undivided attention.

I started asking myself this question last fall when I took on the science club. Last summer, when the PTA asked me if I would run an after school club. I jumped at the opportunity. I hoped the club would get kids excited about science, bring a little enrichment to the school and give me a chance to play with some of my favorite things.

Dreaming of running a science club and actually planning, prepping, organizing and running a science club are two different things. It took up so much of my time, we barely pulled our own family Halloween prepping together in time. Decorations came out barely a week before, costumes were pulled together at the last minute. We didn’t make it to our traditional family outings.

I was also planning a classroom Halloween party during this time. I was so distracted and crazy I had a hard time focusing on our family’s priorities.

In the months since, I question whether or not my volunteering is making a difference in my children’s lives. I hope I am making at least a small difference within the school and contributing to make it a great school that offers an exceptional education. I also hope I am supporting the teachers where they need it.

Every meeting I attend takes me away from home, however, this gives my kids one on one time with their dad or grandparents or extra play dates.

Every event I plan takes me away from a focused approach on homework. I struggle to keep up with due dates, projects and daily homework. I feel like I am doing my young daughters a disservice by not always being on top of their lives and schedules. Is this helping to teach them independence and self reliance or causing issues because I am not there to teach them how to be independent and self reliant?

The PTA asked me to run a science fair club this spring. I would help guide kids and their parents through projects in hopes of engaging a few more children and increasing science fair participation. I jumped at the opportunity.

Then I respectfully declined.

It was a tough decision…I had the opportunity to get children engaged and improve our science fair. But I wondered if I would have enough time and energy to help my own children complete their projects. I am suffering from immense guilt from turning down the science fair club, but am happy that my children will have my undivided attention.

I will continue on with my commitments and volunteering but will stay vigilant to keeping a balance.

Do you volunteer at your child’s school? How do you find a balance?

At age 10: Waking up early for cartoons. Land of the Lost and Schoolhouse Rock.

At age 20: Recovering from the night before. Drinking a lot of water and trying to quell the headache.

At age 30: Sleeping in. Coffee and crossword puzzles in bed with Husband.

At age 40: Getting up to my hungry baby and my entertain-me toddler.

Now (not 50, but I don’t want to hang on to this post until then): Suiting up for Zumba. Sneaking in some online time while my kids watch cartoons (nothing as good as Land of the Lost and Schoolhouse Rock) and Husband makes me coffee.

What are your Saturday mornings like? How were they different in your previous eras?

Image: digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Lori is a mom to Tessa, 10, and Reed, 8, and they live in the metro-Denver area. She writes regularly — often on Saturday mornings — at WriteMindOpenHeart.com about parenting in open adoption and living mindfullly. Her first book, The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption, will be published by Rowman & Littlefield and available in mid-2013

I have two boys ages 4 and 7. They struggle to solve problems between themselves when they are playing and my husband and I often feel like referees. I’d like them to be able to handle play situations better, but am not sure where to start. Help!

~Stumped Mama

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Dear Stumped:

While some people are natural problem solvers, most children need to be taught strategies to work out their differences. Your boys are fairly young, so still need lots of direct teaching and modeling of problem solving skills as well as adult supervision to support them.

Be a loud thinker.  I heard Dr. Charles Fay say this on one of his entertaining and informative CDs and I wholeheartedly agree. As adults we solve problems all day long in our head. However, unless we are loud thinkers, our kids have no idea that we are doing so. They just see that we always have the answers, which can be daunting for a little person. So talk out loud about the little problems you solve throughout the day.

Teach problem solving strategies. Sharing sounds simple, but there are many versions of what it can look like. Sharing can mean taking turns, including using a timer, or playing with the same materials together.  It can also mean I use it today and you use it tomorrow.  Another creative and effective strategy is trading one toy or material for another.

Listen more, talk less. When Mom and Dad have all the answers, kids don’t learn to think. Start problem solving by having each child briefly state what the problem is. Teaching them to listen to each other without arguing is a big part of this. Sometimes you need to get the background to the situation. A good question for this is, “what happened right before that?”

Brainstorm solutions. Before telling them your solution ideas, ask the kids how they think the problem can be solved. Talk out their ideas weighing the pros and cons how the solutions might work. Help them decide what to try and evaluate how it worked afterwards.

Encourage polite language. Simple manners such as please and thank you can go a long way toward getting your brother to let you have that toy you want. 

Keep problems small. If you stay nearby when your boys are playing, you can step in to support them when you hear the tension begin to rise. After some practice and successes, you can begin to use a cue to prompt them to problem solve and wait a bit longer before stepping in to see how they handle the situation.

Practice, practice, practice. Problem solving skills become easier to use the more we practice. Get your boys involved in solving everyday problems you encounter together and they will be much more confident in their ability to be solution finders.

Please share your sibling problem solving strategies!

Motherhood is an amazing journey that can have its share of Mama Drama. The Mama Drama column runs on Fridays with everyday mothering questions from readers and answers providing strategies to tackle these daily challenges. Send your questions and challenges to Lisa@milehighmamas.com, and your Mama Drama could be in next week’s column! Lisa is also available for private consultations. All emails and identifying information will remain confidential. Read more of Lisa’s parenting perspective at her Laughing Yoga Mama blog.

My three-year-old daughter has a December birthday and we are inundated with toys and “stuff” from our very generous family. We appreciate their gifts, but are all a bit overwhelmed by the amount of new toys. My daughter tends to leave them strewn about the house bouncing from one activity to the next, then struggles to clean them up usually ending in a meltdown.

We need ideas to help find some balance with it all.

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~Appreciative, But Overwhelmed Mama

Dear Appreciative, But Overwhelmed:

December birthdays can be challenging to manage, both in making it special as well as handling the amount of gifts all at one time. You can add some structure to support your daughter in handling her bounty of new toys.

First, work on the clean up process. Begin teaching her, with support and redirection, to put away the item she is playing with before getting out another one. This can be a bit frustrating at first, but with practice (and a lot of reteaching) in the long run will it make clean up at the end of the day a much easier process.

Organizing toys so they are easy to put away is another step that helps with clutter and clean up. Plastic bins with lids are great because they are easy to stack for clean up and easy to store when it isn’t their turn.

Limit the toys that are available for play at any one time. Talk with your daughter about which toys she is most interested in playing with right now.  Set a limit of four or five options and then put the rest of the toys away. Depending on her level of interest in them, you can rotate toys in and out weekly or monthly. When you pull out toys she hasn’t seen in awhile, it’s like getting a new present again.

In planning ahead for next year, you may want to suggest gift cards instead of toys from some of your generous family members. That way when spring and summer role around she can choose toys for the new season that she wouldn’t have gotten otherwise. Also, ever the literacy advocate, ask for books or bookstore gift cards, too!

How do you other Mamas of December babies handle the holiday and birthday frenzy?

Motherhood is an amazing journey that can have its share of Mama Drama. The Mama Drama column runs on Fridays with everyday mothering questions from readers and answers providing strategies to tackle these daily challenges. Send your questions and challenges to Lisa@milehighmamas.com, and your Mama Drama could be in next week’s column! Lisa is also available for private consultations. All emails and identifying information will remain confidential. Read more of Lisa’s parenting perspective at her Laughing Yoga Mama blog.

My boys are better for other people. At school they are respectful and hard-working. I’ve been know to act incredulous whenever someone compliments me on my well-mannered sons. Pleased, but surprised, nonetheless.

At home, they are loud, messy, and roam around the house like a pack of hyenas. If you hang around my house long enough, you’ll hear me say, “You wanna act like animals? I’ll put you outside like an animal!” My sons have spent many an evening coolin’ their jets on the back porch with the dog.

My daughter, on the other hand, is an angel at home. She is helpful, loving, and prides herself on being able to keep a tidy bedroom. But, at school, she is hyper, talkative, and has no concept of personal space. Today at church, a little girl said to me, “Is that your daughter? I know her. She is crazy.”

I believe, for the most part, that kids are a product of their upbringing and I take full responsibility for my kid’s behavioral shortcomings, but I would rather my missteps in parenting be seen only by me in the privacy of the four walls of our home and not on display for the whole world to judge. I created their drama. They should save it for their mama.

Does your child fall into one of these categories? Is your kid a happy home body and menace to society or a home-wrecker and model citizen?

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My 22-month-old son has recently started using his toy trains in a way that looks and sounds like a gun to my husband and I. He points the trains at us and makes a “pshh, pshh” sound.

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We are vigilant about not exposing him to violence and are stunned by his behavior. It feels awful to have my child shooting at me.

We believe he has picked up the behavior from a boy at his childcare home whose parents allow him to play with guns and swords. Our childcare provider does not allow him to play with those items in her home, but he does play that way with other toys.

Our initial response has been to stop the behavior by telling him “no guns”, but we realized we don’t really even want him knowing that word yet. I’m worried that this behavior will get worse and need some ideas on how to handle it.

~ Non-Violent Mama

Dear Non-Violent:

I understand how disturbing it must feel to have your child shooting at you when you’ve work hard to keep him from being exposed to violence.  Try to look at the behavior from his perspective. He is imitating a behavior he observed with a peer and is making a sound he thinks is fun. He doesn’t have any idea about the reality of the shooting behavior and what that means in the world. Remember that as adults we have many layers of experience, which our children do not, that give meaning to the behaviors we observe.

Since you are uncomfortable with the shooting behavior, talk with you childcare provider about the type of play occurring between the children and the level of supervision she is providing during their play. Encourage her to redirect and teach the children different ways to play with toys.

This same redirection and teaching is also how you can handle the behavior at home. When your son points the train at you like a gun, remind him, “trains drive on tracks,” and help him roll it on the tracks or floor. You can also distract him from that behavior by engaging in another activity with him.

Be creative in how you respond to the shooting sounds. Think of a replacement meaning for the sound such as the brakes or whistle of the train.  You can also make up a game with him where you add to his repertoire with other silly mouth sounds that he will enjoy just as much as the pshh, pshh sound.

Continue to reinforce safe and gentle behavior with your son as he grows. As his social understanding and experiences expand you will be able to emphasis that theme with him in all of his interactions.

How have you Mamas handled similar situations with your children?

I have a picture of it, but you actually had to see it to believe it.  My parents’ home, filled to the brim with holiday merriment and various people.  Some related, some not, and in keeping with Southern tradition…some we’re still not sure about.  The photo is of my mom sitting on her couch, glazed over as if she had just experienced a military operation gone desperately wrong.

It happened to her.  And it can happen to us all, at any time, without warning.

Post Traumatic Holiday Disorder.

Years later, when my sister and I would talk about that Christmas, my mother’s response was always, “I don’t remember any of that.”  She was functioning that day, getting everything ready for everyone else to enjoy, but she had literally blacked out and couldn’t remember anything that had happened.

Which, when I think about how rowdy my family had a tendency to get when we were all together…was probably a good thing.

I have a feeling that the benefit plan at Denver’s KOSI 101.1 must include some sort of extra mental health benefit in order to specifically deal with the staff’s PTHD since they are forced to listen to Christmas music starting at around Halloween.  Poor Jackie Selby probably blacks out after she’s heard Alvin and the Chipmunks sing “Christmas Don’t Be Late” for the 15th time and she probably doesn’t come back around until Easter.

My mother still suffers from Post Traumatic Holiday Disorder (because once it’s happened to you, it has an 85% chance of recurrence) and it’s something I’ve tried to be sensitive to.  I felt terrible this year when, in October, she came to my house to watch my kids and I forgot to warn her that one of my neighbors had not only put up his Christmas lights, but had turned them on as well.

“Catherine,” she said, breathlessly as she walked in the door.  “Someone has their Christmas lights on!  What day is it?  Did I lose holiday time again???  Did I black out???”

Growing up, I could never figure out why my mother was so stressed around the holidays.  I mean, when you’re young…what’s there to be stressed about?  The presents are wrapped under the tree, the house is decorated, and the turkey appears as if from out of nowhere, brown and glistening and just waiting for everyone to dive in.

And then I became a mother and realized that I had to wrap all of those presents, move a dead tree into my clean house, stuff a bird in a most indelicate place…

…and God had the nerve to give me a deadline.

As mothers, we do so much to create the holiday spirit for everyone else that sometimes we forget to enjoy it ourselves.  I know one mother who makes 25 different varieties of cookies every year.  Twenty-five.  All of the shopping, cooking, carpooling, and scheduling seems to fall on our shoulders and this causes our own holiday season to pass by in a blur of exploding tinsel and baked goods that never seem to look like they did in the magazine.

In order to avoid more cases of Post Traumatic Holiday Disorder, I’m offering up these three simple tips to get us all through the next few weeks:

1.  Say “no” to half the invitations that come your way and suggest to people that you get together at a calmer time of the year.  Like April.
2. Take at least two things off of your Christmas menu and limit your cookie baking to three different varieties that your family will actually eat. (This should not be confused with hosting or participating in a Cookie Exchange.  See Tip #1.)
3. Have your husband go out and buy at least one gift for each of your children while you go and get a massage (I thought about giving him the grocery list, but I know that would require us all to make an extensive, detailed list of everything we need, which would probably require more time than just doing it ourselves).  This accomplishes two things:  Something has been removed from your to-do list AND he is able to partake in the “holiday merriment” in the line at Toys “R” Us® and will then have a deeper appreciation for all that you do.  (Please note:  you are not allowed to stress about what he’s buying while you’re lying there.)

I wish you all the joy that the holiday season has to offer.  Remember to take care of yourselves.  Because once Post Traumatic Holiday Disorder has happened to you…

…it can recur at any time without warning.

Catherine Tidd is a writer, widow and mother of three. She is the founder of www.theWiddahood.com, a free peer support website dedicated to anyone who has lost a significant other and has a Facebook peer support page under the name Widow Chick. Along with being published in several books on grief and renewal, Catherine is also a humorous motivational speaker who focuses on ” finding joy in a life you weren’t expecting.” She is also a volunteer speaker with the Donor Alliance of Colorado.

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Moms are crazy about cookie swaps this time of year. There are a few simple steps to make your party a hit.

1. Invite your friends to bring their favorite cookie recipes to share (preferably at least a dozen, depending on how many people are planning to arrive). Ask them to bring a container so they can bring some cookies home.
2. Have a large table available to arrange the beautiful colors and assortments of cookies. Be sure to have enough plates and maybe even some Saran wrap in case they forgot to bring a container.
3. Once everyone has socialized a bit, lead them to the room and have each person introduce themselves and which cookie they baked; and perhaps even where the recipe came from (I.e.: family recipe, Internet, cookbook, etc.)
4. Swap til’ you drop. Slowly go around the table and grab your cookies!
5. If you would like, you can even do a contest.  Place a voting box with a few pencils and scrap pieces of paper by the cookie table and let people vote! The person with the best cookie gets a prize. You can do anything: a gift card, a bottle of wine, or perhaps even a cookie cookbook!

Tip: Number the place cards that labels what kind of cookie they are, in case there are duplicates.  It’s also good for those with food allergies.

There are also some important Cookie Exchange planning tips to remember:

1. Send invitations early. December is a busy time for everyone.

- If you need some help designing a few Cookie Swap party signs, check out how to get a free printable collection, which include: 5 X 7 invitations (with customizable text fields), cookie labels, a sign to use as a centerpiece, 3 X 5 recipe cars, and 2” circle tags. Visit here to find out more.

2. Inform everyone to bake their cookies at least two days in advance (the biggest reason people don’t show is that they didn’t have enough time to bake).

If you don’t have the perfect Christmas cookie recipe to bake for your Cookie Exchange party, here are a few ideas.

Peanut Butter Rudolph Cookies- Here is a holiday cookie your kids will love to help you with! These Peanut Butter Rudolph Cookies have chocolate pretzel antlers and red M&M noses. You could even make gingerbread cookies instead of peanut butter. Click here to learn how.

Christmas Tree Sandwich Cookies- These cookies are perfect for the moms who don’t feel they are good at baking. Right side up or upside down, there’s a cute Christmas tree shape on both sides to these easy cookie sandwiches. All you need are Pillsbury cookies, icing, and some sprinkles. Click here to find out more.

Melted Snowman Cookies- With the recent cold days followed by even colder nights, this recipe could really liven’ up your holiday spirit and put smiles on those chilly faces. All you need are a sugar cookie mix, icing, and marshmallows! Find out how you can bring your whole family together with this fun, easy, and sugar-filled activity.

White-Chocolate Cherry Shortbread- Bring some color to the holiday table with these delicious cookies. The red and white colors will brighten your home, and the delicious taste will bring smiles to all your guests’ faces. Click here and learn how to make these beautiful and delicious cookies.

Christmas Cake Pops- Have a delectable Christmas with some fun and new Cake Pops. You can make all different designs such as reindeer, Christmas trees, and even penguins! These take a little more time, but they are totally worth it when they melt in your mouth. They are great for kids as stocking-stuffers too! Click here to find out how to make some festival pops!

Snowman Cookies- This is another great cookie you can make with your kids. All you need are Nutter Butter cookies, almond bark, M&Ms for the buttons, orange tic-tacs for the “carrot nose,” and icing for the eyes and mouth. Click here to begin a fun baking experience with your little ones!

Peanut Butter and Jelly Cookies- Christmas baking doesn’t have to be unhealthy. If you’re gluten-free or just want healthier options, these cookies are made with almond flour and low glycemic coconut sugar. Go here for 10 healthy Christmas cookie recipes from Elana’s Pantry.

Have you ever hosted a cookie exchange? Do you have any favorite recipes?