When do kids stop napping? My two and a half year old son has been resisting falling asleep for about a week now but if he does fall asleep, he’s out for 1-2 hours. How do I know if he needs it still? He’s a nightmare around 5 if he doesn’t nap. Suggestions??

~Stumped Mama

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Dear Stumped:

Napping is a tricky topic as each child has his or her own rhythms and needs. Some kids don’t need naps as early as two and others need them until they are six. Here are some things to consider in handling this dilemma.

A good rule of thumb is that young children need 10-12 hours of sleep a day. So if your son isn’t napping, he’ll need to have an earlier bedtime.

The fact that he’s falling apart around 5:00 without a nap suggests that he probably still needs one. Continue putting him down for a “rest” or “quiet time” and see if the change of language helps.

Young children still need down time to help manage all of the activity and stimulation of the day. If they aren’t napping, make sure to have at least an hour of quiet time. This can mean laying in bed or resting on the floor of their room; listening to quiet music, an audio story, or meditation cd; reading books; or playing with quiet toys are good options. Make sure this a “screen free” time.

Look at the timing of his nap. Does it need to be a bit later in the afternoon as he isn’t tired yet at the earlier time? If this causes any difficulty with going to sleep at night, you may want to adjust his bedtime as well.

Naptime is also important for busy moms. Having that quiet time to yourself to rest, relax, or get things done helps you to recharge to make it through the afternoon and evening.

Share your nap stories!

Motherhood is an amazing journey that can have its share of Mama Drama. The Mama Drama column runs on Fridays with everyday mothering questions from readers and answers providing strategies to tackle these daily challenges. Send your questions and challenges to Lisa@milehighmamas.com, and your Mama Drama could be in next week’s column! Lisa is also available for private consultations. All emails and identifying information will remain confidential. Read more of Lisa’s parenting perspective at her Laughing Yoga Mama blog.

I have two boys ages 4 and 7. They struggle to solve problems between themselves when they are playing and my husband and I often feel like referees. I’d like them to be able to handle play situations better, but am not sure where to start. Help!

~Stumped Mama

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Dear Stumped:

While some people are natural problem solvers, most children need to be taught strategies to work out their differences. Your boys are fairly young, so still need lots of direct teaching and modeling of problem solving skills as well as adult supervision to support them.

Be a loud thinker.  I heard Dr. Charles Fay say this on one of his entertaining and informative CDs and I wholeheartedly agree. As adults we solve problems all day long in our head. However, unless we are loud thinkers, our kids have no idea that we are doing so. They just see that we always have the answers, which can be daunting for a little person. So talk out loud about the little problems you solve throughout the day.

Teach problem solving strategies. Sharing sounds simple, but there are many versions of what it can look like. Sharing can mean taking turns, including using a timer, or playing with the same materials together.  It can also mean I use it today and you use it tomorrow.  Another creative and effective strategy is trading one toy or material for another.

Listen more, talk less. When Mom and Dad have all the answers, kids don’t learn to think. Start problem solving by having each child briefly state what the problem is. Teaching them to listen to each other without arguing is a big part of this. Sometimes you need to get the background to the situation. A good question for this is, “what happened right before that?”

Brainstorm solutions. Before telling them your solution ideas, ask the kids how they think the problem can be solved. Talk out their ideas weighing the pros and cons how the solutions might work. Help them decide what to try and evaluate how it worked afterwards.

Encourage polite language. Simple manners such as please and thank you can go a long way toward getting your brother to let you have that toy you want. 

Keep problems small. If you stay nearby when your boys are playing, you can step in to support them when you hear the tension begin to rise. After some practice and successes, you can begin to use a cue to prompt them to problem solve and wait a bit longer before stepping in to see how they handle the situation.

Practice, practice, practice. Problem solving skills become easier to use the more we practice. Get your boys involved in solving everyday problems you encounter together and they will be much more confident in their ability to be solution finders.

Please share your sibling problem solving strategies!

Motherhood is an amazing journey that can have its share of Mama Drama. The Mama Drama column runs on Fridays with everyday mothering questions from readers and answers providing strategies to tackle these daily challenges. Send your questions and challenges to Lisa@milehighmamas.com, and your Mama Drama could be in next week’s column! Lisa is also available for private consultations. All emails and identifying information will remain confidential. Read more of Lisa’s parenting perspective at her Laughing Yoga Mama blog.

My three-year-old daughter has a December birthday and we are inundated with toys and “stuff” from our very generous family. We appreciate their gifts, but are all a bit overwhelmed by the amount of new toys. My daughter tends to leave them strewn about the house bouncing from one activity to the next, then struggles to clean them up usually ending in a meltdown.

We need ideas to help find some balance with it all.

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~Appreciative, But Overwhelmed Mama

Dear Appreciative, But Overwhelmed:

December birthdays can be challenging to manage, both in making it special as well as handling the amount of gifts all at one time. You can add some structure to support your daughter in handling her bounty of new toys.

First, work on the clean up process. Begin teaching her, with support and redirection, to put away the item she is playing with before getting out another one. This can be a bit frustrating at first, but with practice (and a lot of reteaching) in the long run will it make clean up at the end of the day a much easier process.

Organizing toys so they are easy to put away is another step that helps with clutter and clean up. Plastic bins with lids are great because they are easy to stack for clean up and easy to store when it isn’t their turn.

Limit the toys that are available for play at any one time. Talk with your daughter about which toys she is most interested in playing with right now.  Set a limit of four or five options and then put the rest of the toys away. Depending on her level of interest in them, you can rotate toys in and out weekly or monthly. When you pull out toys she hasn’t seen in awhile, it’s like getting a new present again.

In planning ahead for next year, you may want to suggest gift cards instead of toys from some of your generous family members. That way when spring and summer role around she can choose toys for the new season that she wouldn’t have gotten otherwise. Also, ever the literacy advocate, ask for books or bookstore gift cards, too!

How do you other Mamas of December babies handle the holiday and birthday frenzy?

Motherhood is an amazing journey that can have its share of Mama Drama. The Mama Drama column runs on Fridays with everyday mothering questions from readers and answers providing strategies to tackle these daily challenges. Send your questions and challenges to Lisa@milehighmamas.com, and your Mama Drama could be in next week’s column! Lisa is also available for private consultations. All emails and identifying information will remain confidential. Read more of Lisa’s parenting perspective at her Laughing Yoga Mama blog.

My 22-month-old son has recently started using his toy trains in a way that looks and sounds like a gun to my husband and I. He points the trains at us and makes a “pshh, pshh” sound.

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We are vigilant about not exposing him to violence and are stunned by his behavior. It feels awful to have my child shooting at me.

We believe he has picked up the behavior from a boy at his childcare home whose parents allow him to play with guns and swords. Our childcare provider does not allow him to play with those items in her home, but he does play that way with other toys.

Our initial response has been to stop the behavior by telling him “no guns”, but we realized we don’t really even want him knowing that word yet. I’m worried that this behavior will get worse and need some ideas on how to handle it.

~ Non-Violent Mama

Dear Non-Violent:

I understand how disturbing it must feel to have your child shooting at you when you’ve work hard to keep him from being exposed to violence.  Try to look at the behavior from his perspective. He is imitating a behavior he observed with a peer and is making a sound he thinks is fun. He doesn’t have any idea about the reality of the shooting behavior and what that means in the world. Remember that as adults we have many layers of experience, which our children do not, that give meaning to the behaviors we observe.

Since you are uncomfortable with the shooting behavior, talk with you childcare provider about the type of play occurring between the children and the level of supervision she is providing during their play. Encourage her to redirect and teach the children different ways to play with toys.

This same redirection and teaching is also how you can handle the behavior at home. When your son points the train at you like a gun, remind him, “trains drive on tracks,” and help him roll it on the tracks or floor. You can also distract him from that behavior by engaging in another activity with him.

Be creative in how you respond to the shooting sounds. Think of a replacement meaning for the sound such as the brakes or whistle of the train.  You can also make up a game with him where you add to his repertoire with other silly mouth sounds that he will enjoy just as much as the pshh, pshh sound.

Continue to reinforce safe and gentle behavior with your son as he grows. As his social understanding and experiences expand you will be able to emphasis that theme with him in all of his interactions.

How have you Mamas handled similar situations with your children?

Last year I noticed that my daughter had a really difficult time managing her emotions and behavior during the holidays. She would fall apart at the store, family gatherings, and even at school. She is four this year so I’m hoping things will be better, but am wondering if there is anything I can do to help her handle things more smoothly?

~Hoping for smooth Holidays

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Dear Mama Drama:

The holiday season can be lots of fun with family to see, presents to buy, and events to attend. However, it is important to remember that preschoolers can be overwhelmed by all of the activity resulting in meltdowns, tantrums, and much less fun for all. As the busy season begins remember to:

Keep a regular schedule as much as possible. Waking up, eating, and going to bed consistently can make a huge difference for preschoolers. In addition, let her know ahead of time when the schedule is going to be different.

Create opportunities for down time and/or naps. Preschoolers can have tons of energy, but may not recognize or be able to effectively communicate when they are overstimulated or exhausted. Quiet time and naps help them to settle their nervous systems and recharge to a place where they can manage their emotions and behavior more successfully.

Limit the length of outings or set up an alternative activity for the kids such as a playdate or time with family. Hours at the mall, waiting in long lines, and driving from place to place are recipes for disaster in the world of most preschoolers. If you have to take her with you, have a plan, do it in short bursts, and bring something to keep her entertained while you shop.

Make sure kids get enough sleep. Tired preschoolers are cranky preschoolers. Remember that they need 10-12 hours of sleep every day. When they are short changed on sleep they’ll be short tempered as well.

Keep eating healthy. When you’re busy with lists of cooking, cleaning, and shopping to complete, it is easy to swing through the drive through more often than usual. Find ways to make healthy eating easy such as casseroles, one-pot or crock-pot meals, and easy fixes such as spaghetti or burritos.

Limit sugary treats. Holiday baking can be a fun family tradition, but over indulging in sugary treats can lead to big sugar crashes. Use moderation in what treats and sweets are available and how you balance them with the other foods she is eating.

Keep an eye out for early signs that a meltdown is coming and provide support to prevent it. Does your child get chatty, silly, whiny, agitated, stop listening, etc., when she’s tired? Try to notice the early signs of slight changes in behavior so you can prevent the meltdowns by offering more rest, something to eat, a run in the park, or a quiet place to just be.

Remember that behavior is how kids communicate what they need.  Stay tuned in to her needs and your holidays should be a much smoother ride.

Share your tips for riding the holiday roller coaster?

Motherhood is an amazing journey that can have its share of Mama Drama. The Mama Drama column runs on Fridays with everyday mothering questions from readers and answers providing strategies to tackle these daily challenges. Send your questions and challenges to Lisa@milehighmamas.com, and your Mama Drama could be in next week’s column! Lisa is also available for private consultations. All emails and identifying information will remain confidential. Read more of Lisa’s parenting perspective at her Laughing Yoga Mama blog.

With the recent news about sexual abuse at Penn State, I’m concerned about my own children’s safety. How do I talk to them about staying safe without scaring them? What precautions should I be taking when they are with other people to ensure they are not put in risky situations?

~Concerned Mama

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Dear Concerned:

The tragic situation at Penn State is a good reminder to all of us that we need to have regular conversations with our children about safe touch. While these are not easy conversations, they are essential to keeping our kids safe.

In August our Mile High Mamas intern, Nicole, wrote an informative piece about talking with kids about sexual abuse and safe touch. Click here to read it. The key points remind us to talk about our bodies naturally, teach children the body safe rules, and to be aware of signs of sexual abuse.

Parents often think more about teaching safe touch to young children and assume they remember the information as they get older. However, it is essential to keep the conversation going throughout our children’s lives.

As children enter school and spend more time with adults other than their parents it is important to continue having regular conversations about keeping their bodies safe.  Going to school, field trips, sleepovers, camps, and traveling present natural opportunities to discuss safe touch.  Essential pieces of these talks are to teach children they have the right to say no if someone touches them in a way that makes them uncomfortable, touches or tries to touch their private parts, or tries to get them to touch the other person’s private parts. Teaching them the importance of reporting to a trusted adult right away is another key step.

Middle and high school age children still need their parents to talk with them about this issue as well. It’s easy to assume they know enough at this age, but their level of independence and can make this a risky time for them. They need to know how to say no to both peers or adults who make sexual advances toward them as well as who to tell if this does occur.

Parents need to know that most sexual abuse is perpetrated by someone who is familiar or well known to a child. Perpetrators establish opportunities for the abuse with grooming behaviors that create a sense of trust with the child (and often the parents) and break down boundaries. Grooming behaviors involve creating opportunities to be alone with a child and getting a child to allow touch that just crosses the line, before moving into more extensive abuse. Perpetrators may use presents, threats, and coercion to lure in their victims and keep them from reporting.

Make sure your children know that they need to report to you no matter what the threat might be from someone trying to hurt them. And make sure you are tuned in to the less overt cues your children give you that indicate they are uncomfortable with someone or that gifts someone is giving them are inappropriate for the relationship.

As you choose caregivers, babysitters, and mentors for your children, take the opportunity to do background checks and talk with references. Trust your instincts and if you feel like something is off, look at other options. As hard as it is to fathom, parents need to keep in mind that family members can also be perpetrators of sexual abuse. Be aware of any history of sexual abuse in your family and stay tuned in to your kids. Click here for Nicole’s post on profiles of abusers.

If you suspect sexual abuse is occurring to your child or someone else’s, report it immediately to the police or social services. As we have seen in the Penn State case, not reporting to the legal authorities can leave children at risk for continued abuse. More information on preventing and identifying sexual abuse can be found at The Kempe Foundation and Stop It Now!

Books are great ways to start conversations about sexual abuse and empower both children and adults. Here are some good ones:

It’s My Body by Lory Freeman – preschool and early elementary

My Body Belongs to Me by Jill Starishevsky – preschool and early elementary

My Body is Private by Linda Girard – upper elementary and middle school

The Girl’s Body Book and The Boy’s Body Book by Dunham & Bjorkman – supports the conversation about changing bodies (ages 8- 18) which provides opportunity for continued conversations about safety.

Note: See Lisa’s interview on 9News about preventing sexual abuse.

Motherhood is an amazing journey that can have its share of Mama Drama. The Mama Drama column runs on Fridays with everyday mothering questions from readers and answers providing strategies to tackle these daily challenges. Send your questions and challenges to Lisa@milehighmamas.com, and your Mama Drama could be in next week’s column! Lisa is also available for private consultations. All emails and identifying information will remain confidential. Check out Lisa’s blog Laughing Yoga Mama for more parenting insights.

I am struggling with my daughter who is almost 4 saying mean things to her parents and her younger brother. When she is tired, hungry, irritated or just not in control, she says many mean things.

For example:

I don’t like you.

You are not a good brother.

You are not the boss; I am the boss.

I never like you.

I know this is not truly how she feels, but I don’t know what to say back to her to take the power out of her words. Her little brother gets sad when she is mean to him, so he’s crying and I’m in a fit hearing her use these words.

What do you say back to these mean words? Telling her that is not something we say is ineffective.

Trying to be nice,

Mommy in Erie

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Dear Mommy in Erie:

I can hear your heart breaking as you struggle with this situation. It can be so difficult when your children are acting mean.

It sounds like you’ve identified some of the triggers that are leading to your daughter’s rude and hurtful behavior such as tiredness, hunger, and irritability. Figuring out those triggers is a huge step.

Next I recommend looking at her schedule. Pinpoint the times when her behavior escalates and when she might become tired or hungry. Then see how you can adjust the schedule to head off the triggers with a snack, eating meals earlier, reading a book together, having quiet rest time, or other calming activities.

Become a great observer of your daughter. Begin to learn the early signs that she is becoming frustrated, tired, hungry, or out of sorts. We often feel like outbursts come out of nowhere, but with focused observation we can find the little signals that precede them. Look for subtle (or sometimes obvious) changes in behavior that indicate in increase in anxiety such as an increase in fidgeting, rapid breathing, heavy sighs, whining, or struggling to handle minor issues. Help her notice those signs and do something to alleviate them. As you both learn her body signals, you can intervene and help her stay more even.

The next step is teaching her how to handle herself when she’s tired or frustrated and how her mean words hurt you and her brother. It is important to do this when she is relaxed and rested so you can all talk about it calmly and make a plan for the next time she is feeling upset. Books are a great way to address these issues as they can feel less confrontational and you can reread them and refer to the ones she connects with when issues arise.

Some books that are appropriate for her age are Words Are Not for Hurting by Elizabeth Verdick, Glad Monster, Sad Monster by Ann Miranda, When I’m Angry by Jane Aaron, When I Feel Angry by Cornelia Maude Spelman. Books that can help her understand how mean words hurt others are Andrew Angry Words by Dorothea Lachner and Snail Started It by Katja Reider.

When issues like these are happening, we can have a hard time stepping back and looking at them without being overwhelmed by emotions. Increasing our toolbox of strategies is helpful in managing it all. A great resource for parenting strategies and humor is Love and Logic Magic for the Early Childhood Years by Jim Fay and Dr. Charles Fay.

Motherhood is an amazing journey that can have its share of Mama Drama. The Mama Drama column runs on Fridays with everyday mothering questions from readers and answers providing strategies to tackle these daily challenges. Send your questions and challenges to Lisa@milehighmamas.com, and your Mama Drama could be in next week’s column! Lisa is also available for private consultations. All emails and identifying information will remain confidential.

We’ve rounded up all of the drama Lisa has covered during that time into a variety of categories to make it easier for you to find that special nugget of information or advice you need.

Keep the questions coming (Lisa@milehighmamas.com) and remember that we all have our share of Mama Drama, so contribute your advice, ideas, and tried and true strategies as we support each other through the journey of motherhood in this fabulous community of moms.

Be sure to bookmark this page for easy access and share it with all your mommy friends!

Developmental issues:

Articulation Angst – When to worry about speech concerns.

Handling Disappointment – When not getting your way results in tantrums.

Scared of Strangers – Supporting young children who exhibit fear of strangers.

Tall tales – Being clear about telling the truth.

Where Do Babies Come From? – How to prepare for the big question from your kids.

Water Worries – Supporting children with water anxieties.

Why Why? – Why does your child always ask why?!

Death/Disasters:

Discussing Death and Dying – How and when to talk with kids about death.

Talking With Kids About Disasters – Advice for helping kids feel safe in the wake of disasters.

Talking With Kids About 9-11: Lessons in Compassion – What lessons do you want your children to learn from this American tragedy?

Holidays:

Christmas Morning Craziness – Encouraging appreciation rather than greed.

Is Santa Real? – How to address the BIG question.

Merry Moderation – Helping kids learn moderation at the holidays.

Independence/Life Skills:

Cheering Chores – Getting kids to pitch in and learn essential life skills.

Daily Discipline – Not the dirty word you might think it is.

Food Fights – Offering options without forcing.

Helicopter Mom – How to help rather than hover.

Independent Eights – Supporting kids as they transition from little kids to big kids.

Morning Routines & Evening Hysteria – Ideas to make beginnings and endings easier for all.

Picky Eaters – Helping your child expand their choices.

Respectful Independence – Teaching kids to ask for their independence with respect.

Separation Anxiety Blues – Strategies to help your preschooler with separation anxiety.

Staying Connected to Our Kids – Creative ways to stay involved even as they need you less.

Teaching Independence – Steps to independent skills for young children.

Parent Self-Control/ Balance:

Mad Mama – Handling our own anger, so we can teach our kids a better way.

Mama Needs a Minute – Creative solutions to finding time for yourself.

Preventing Shaken Baby Syndrome – How to plan for your child’s safety.

Stay at Home Success – Ways to make being a SAHM a fulfilling experience.

Surviving Children’s Electronic Overload – Finding the balance in options.

Peer issues:

Bully Busting Basics – Prepare your child to stand up for him or herself.

Friendship Frustrations – Handling peer concerns.

Jokester’s Painful Punchlines – When your child’s jokes cross the line.

Playgroup Problems – Addressing behavior concerns with your playgroup friends.

Playtime Struggles – Handling toddlers aggressive behaviors with positive supports.

Potty Training:

Flushing Fears – Cures for fear of automatic toilets.

Potty Training On The Go – Toilet training tips when you’re out and about.

Potty Power – Is your child ready to potty train or not?

School:

Homework H-E-double toothpicks! – Handling stressful homework drama.

School Anxiety Support…for Mom – Support and strategies for moms anxious about bullying.

Summer Nights vs. School Mornings – Helping your kids make the adjustment to school successfully.

Siblings:

Brotherly Love – Supporting sibling reconnection at the end of the school day.

Sibling Birthday Blues – Handling birthday jealousy.

Sibling Fights – When siblings fights turn extreme.

Siblings – friends or enemies? – Creating positive relationships between siblings.

Sibling Sarcasm – Changing negative comments into positives.

Sibling Rivalry – Encouraging cooperation over competition.

The New Baby – Helping toddlers adjust to the new baby.

Sleep issues:

Bedtime Woes – Adapting to changing toddler bedtimes needs.

Getting the Babes to Bed – Taking charge of bedtime by setting limits.

Moving Out of The Family Bed – Making a smooth transition to a big kid bed.

Night Terrors – Supporting your child with night terrors.

Sports:

Competitive Cravings – Teaching cooperation and good sportsmanship.

Competition Quakes – How to support kids scared to compete.

Summer:

A Summer of Being or Doing…Which Will Your Child Have?

Summer Break Blues – Handling the transition from school to summer.

Tantrums/Meltdowns/Behavior concerns:

Discipline for Deceit – Tips for handling lying.

Extreme Hair Pulling – When kids literally pull out their hair in frustration.

Getting Kids to Tune In – How to get kids to listen.

Monkey See, Monkey Do – Supporting independent thinking.

Public Meltdown Madness – Handling and preventing tantrums in public.

Positives for Power Struggles – Strategies for avoiding power struggles.

Tantrum Trouble – Teaching kids how to handle anger and communicate effectively.

Toddler tantrums & Clean up melt downs – Adding structure to your day to prevent tantrums and meltdowns.

To Do or Not To Do – Using positive statements to help kids know what to do.

Travel issues:

Decrease Packing Pressure – Getting the kids to take responsibility in the packing process.

Grocery Grabber – Keeping tots safe and happy as you shop.

Homesick Help – Planning for kids going on overnight outings and camps.

Preventing Travel Trauma – Making road trips smooth and easy for all.

Tweens/teens:

Hair Raising Reading – Helping advanced readers find age appropriate books.

Staying Connected to Our Kids – Strategies to connect with kids as they get older and schedules get crazier.

Tween Tension – Navigating the changing needs of kids moving into the tween and teen years.

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I was bullied in school and have a lot of anxiety for my daughter who just started preschool. I worry that the teachers won’t stand up for her and that she’ll be picked on, so I’ve told her to hit anyone who bothers or hurts her.

Her teachers say that she will end up in trouble instead. How can I help her stand up for herself if she can’t hit?

~Scared Mama

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Dear Scared:

Bullying is a real problem, but you can empower your daughter to stand up for herself without teaching her to hurt others.

Our experiences growing up have a big impact on how we view school for our children. It is easy to project these onto our children, but is more important to support them in creating a positive outlook about school so their experience can be better than ours.

Hitting it not a socially acceptable behavior and if used as a first response will lead to a great deal of difficulty for your daughter. Children who hit are often ostracized in school, as other students don’t feel safe playing with them. They are also more likely to have consequences that lead them to miss class time and learning opportunities.

Talk with your daughter’s teachers about your concerns and the reasons for them. Ask them about how they monitor the class, handle problems between students, and teach social skills. Knowing their strategies should help ease some of your fears.

Encourage your daughter to see the positives in school and in her classmates. Model noticing safe and friendly choices and ask her about the things she enjoyed in school each day. Make sure you are looking for the positives as well and not being critical or overreacting to typical interactions that happen in preschool. When you have questions or concerns, try to share those with the teachers out of earshot of your daughter.

Find resources to teach your daughter pro-social skills for problem solving and making friends.  The Mama Drama column on Bully Busting Basics describes skills to teach and books to read with your daughter.

The bottom line is that you don’t want other kids hitting and bullying your daughter and other parents don’t want their children hit or bullied either.  Teach your daughter to be strong in her social skills, rather than to be afraid that others will hurt her.

If you still feel overwhelmed by anxiety, seek professional mental health support to help you work through these issues.

Motherhood is an amazing journey that can have its share of Mama Drama. The Mama Drama column runs on Fridays with everyday mothering questions from readers and answers providing strategies to tackle these daily challenges. Send your questions and challenges to Lisa@milehighmamas.com, and your Mama Drama could be in next week’s column! Lisa is also available for private consultations. All emails and identifying information will remain confidential.

My kids are back in school, but are still on summer time bedtime and wake up schedules. This is causing a lot of stress and crankiness around our house. They can’t get to sleep earlier in the evening and are groggy and slow in the mornings.

We need help!

~Stuck in Summer Mama

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Dear Stuck in Summer:

Switching sleeping and waking schedules can be a challenge when the weather and long evenings still tell our bodies it is summer – which of course it is. Rest assured you are not the only family struggling with this issue.

Talk with your kids about how things are going with this transition to get them on board and hear their perspective. Let them know how you would like the routine to work and then work together to make a plan that everyone can live with. Here are some ideas to try.

Shift the whole evening schedule a bit earlier if you can – just the ending parts if you can’t do the whole thing. Begin with starting dinner, baths, stories, etc., about 10 minutes earlier than you have been all summer. After a two or three days of adjusting, shift it another 10 minutes. Continue this process until your schedule fits with the times you need your kids to be getting to bed. (Remember children need 10-12 hours of sleep and teens need at least 9.)

Examine your kids’ activities before bedtime. Are they running around outside, playing video games, wrestling, watching TV, listening to loud music? These activities are stimulating to the brain and make it more difficult to go to sleep. Create calming routines that slow the evening down and allow sleep to come more easily. Read aloud together (even older kids often still enjoy this if you find some interesting age appropriate books), read independently, create a gentle yoga practice focused on calming poses, or spend some time snuggled up talking together.

Create a relaxing environment. Do whatever calming activity you decide upon in a room with the lights dimmed or candles lit, use soothing scents such as lavender or rose, and have the room quiet or play classical adagios or other tranquil music.

Use deep pressure. Deep pressure helps to calm the nervous system and helps kids settle into sleep. You can give back rubs, roll a bolster over your child while they lay on their stomachs on the floor, or roll them up tightly in a blanket like a hot dog – letting them squirm their way out gives more pressure, but can be stimulating if they get too silly.

In their rooms as they got to sleep play comforting music, use room darkening shades or eye pillows to give the illusion that the sun has gone down, and use those calming scents again. Meditation cds are also wonderful supports in helping kids learn to settle themselves independently.  More ideas for kids who struggle to cooperate with going to bed can be found in my column Getting the Babes to Bed.

Make a wake up plan that is stimulating and engaging. Have them set alarms if waking up to a loud noise will make them more alert. Use stimulating scents such as peppermint or orange to energize them. Open all the shades and let the sunshine in. Vigorous rubbing of arms and legs, cold drinks, and a few minutes of jumping around or stretching can also get their brains and bodies moving.

What are your tried and true back to school adjustment secrets?

Motherhood is an amazing journey that can have its share of Mama Drama. The Mama Drama column runs on Fridays with everyday mothering questions from readers and answers providing strategies to tackle these daily challenges. Send your questions and challenges to Lisa@milehighmamas.com, and your Mama Drama could be in next week’s column! Lisa is also available for private consultations. All emails and identifying information will remain confidential.