The greatest thing about love – it’s an innate gift – it lives inside of us and we can, and should, give it freely to others. Appropriate to the relationship and situation, love can do amazing, life changing things. A hug, a kiss, a pat on the back, a helping hand, a kind smile, a word of encouragement, a  favor, a simple note, a special gift, a promise, a prayer…there are thousands of ways we can love someone else, and the most remarkable thing about love is that the heart can not give love without receiving the beautifully divine consequences of unselfishly loving another.

Marital love is particularly powerful and mysterious. It’s a unique love with various dimensions, a largely inexplicable phenomenon that can not be duplicated by science – too bad, because I’m thinking it would be amazingly helpful to receive marital assistance in pill form when needed, wink.

So, without a love potion #9, we have to battle, straight uphill at times, with no medical help available (unless a glass of wine counts!)…But I have to say it’s worth the battle for such a powerful gift of marital love.

What is this love anyway? 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 explains it well:

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.    

Not exactly the love I project most of the time – inconveniently human. The question is, how can we improve our love skills…for ourselves, our mate, our marriage?

Building a Recipe for Love Potion

Understanding the other partner seems to be a key element in love ~ seek first to understand and then be understood. And a dash of prevention is worth a pound of cure!

Everyone is different though, so understanding your mate’s unique emotional needs can be complex but surprisingly helpful. Oh, and people aren’t robots, so the man (or woman) you married ten years ago may not have the same emotional needs as the person you know today, and your needs may be changing without your conscious knowledge of it, crazy huh? So, you’ll need to be flexible with your recipe and make adjustments as necessary.

The following questions are a fun way get to know each other (even yourself) again. Take the list on a road trip or schedule a special datenight to focus specifically on making love potion.

List Your Love

1. Name your favorite datenight before marriage.
2. What most attracted you to your mate?
3. Where were you for your first kiss and how did if feel?
4. How did you describe your mate to friends and family before they met him/her?
5. How did you know this was the person you wanted to marry?
6. What is your favorite memory with your spouse?
7. What is the craziest thing you’ve done together?
8. What is the hardest thing you’ve been through together?
9. How has your mate helped you through difficult times?
10. What do you wish for your spouse and for your marriage?

Identify Emotional Needs

1. Name five things you can do to please your mate?
2. What five things could your mate do to help you feel great?
3. Name a few examples of things your spouse has done for you in the past that you enjoyed.

These lists will help you identify ways in which you can please your mate and reminders of ways you’ve succeeded in the past – you may be surprised in how your perception of what they need differs from the list. Read more on emotional needs and solutions to difficulties with the helpful resources listed below.

It’s not in the perfection of marriage that I have this information, but in the very real, imperfect work in progress. We’re still formulating our ideal love potion recipe!

Helpful Resources
www.familylife.com
www.marriagebuilders.com
www.realrelationships.com

photo: Kwik Med

What goes into your love potion?