Why I (don’t?) want kids
Don’t let the title fool you, I really do want kids. But as a 23-year-old soon-to-be college graduate the pressures to get married and have kids are making my head spin.
This may be because my experiences with kids have been quite comedic – and dreadful.
When I was 13 I started my “babysitting career.” That didn’t last long. My first experience was with a 3-year-old boy with crazy-curly hair.
As soon as his parents left, he stripped down to, well nothing, put on his favorite sparkly ruby-red heels and ran around the house screaming. I, a 13-year old girl had no idea how to handle a naked 3-year old boy, especially one in ruby slippers.
That was the end on my babysitting career.
When I was 16 I trained to be a lifeguard and swim instructor. Within three months I had been peed on, pooped on and puked on. Yum!
The best story though, is when a 4-year-old boy told me “my mommy said I don’t have to do what you tell me to do.” Then he spit water in my mouth. Mortified and disgusted I sat him out for the rest of class.
I soon switched to teaching older kids.
This past month I was working as a server at a steak restaurant. A dad with his son, about 8, and daughter, about 6, sat at my table. This is what went down:
Me: “What can I get you to drink?”
Daughter: “I want diet coke, not regular coke. Last time the lady brought me regular coke when I asked for diet. And I want two loaves of bread and TWO butters.”
Annoyed, I walked away from the table quickly then returned with the little darling’s diet coke and two loaves of bread with two butters to avoid any more rude comments.
Her brother then said “wow look, she actually listened!”
The dad did nothing! So needless to say they didn’t receive my best service.
After my not-so-pleasant experiences with kids, I should mention I have two sisters, 6 and 12 (pictured above) who often drive me mad, I wonder how I am going to handle my own little darlings. I’m not giving in to the pressures any time soon because I am still all for jumping off of tree stumps with the kids and maybe even pretending to be one!
Have you always known you wanted kids? Did you have positive or negative experiences with them growing up?
Truly, I didn’t really know if I wanted kids. I didn’t have what I perceived to be that maternal instinct and the first newborn I ever held was my own.
That said, I’ve always loved kids and was amazed at just how natural and wonderful it was to grow into the role of mother.
I will say that it’s often easier to spend time with your own kids than someone else’s when they’re not on their best behavior. While they may drive you mad, at least you know you can set your own expectations for good behavior!
That said, I’ve also always known I wanted kids. I adored babysitting and tutoring young teens through high school, and while a year of acting as a teacher’s aide quickly cured me of any thoughts of becoming a teacher I adored the time I spent with them. So take my thoughts for what they’re worth
As a professional woman in my mid 30s who doesn’t want children, the title of this article caught my eye. I’ve never really had bad experiences with children. I like children. I love my two nephews and my niece. I started babysitting as a teen and enjoyed it. I’m a social worker and have dedicated my career to working with children. I don’t, however, want children. Whenever I have dared say those words outloud I am met with stunned silence or side-ways looks. How dare I not want children. There must be something wrong. Surely I’ll change my mind. No and no. I am perfectly happy with my life. I am a great aunt and could not be more proud to go to soccer games, dance recitals and football practice. I love watching them grow up and could not be more proud of them. I don’t care to have my own children and think that it is OK.
Unfortunately, you have been on the receiving end of bad parenting. I am constantly amazed at the plethora of bad parenting out there. Fortunately, when you are a parent yourself (if you decide that is the route for you), you get to raise your children to be well-behaved! Without any nastiness, my husband and I have raised a daughter who is super well-behaved. I am stunned at the laissez-faire attitude of way too many parents I’ve seen and been in contact with. Luckily, you don’t have to be one of them, and you too can have a child you actually enjoy being around.
Thanks for the support and encourgment! I think when the time is right I will have kids the time is just not any time soon.
@ Katie I admire your strong will and the path you are taking is one I have thought about for the past few years. I am so glad there are so many options for me!
Some may be shocked to hear this, but neither my husband nor I ever wanted to have kids. (Our friends who knew us outside of the parenting circles were shocked when we changed our minds and ditched our childfree proclamations.)
I loved kids. I’d been a fantastic aunt (if I do say so myself). I’d babysat from a really early age, all through college. I did really well with kids. People turned to me for advice, as crazy as that sounds.
Why no kids? I just didn’t want the responsibility. All through my childhood, I’d been shown how incredibly difficult raising children was, and how much work babies were, and I just didn’t want to do it.
Parenting should be left to those who REALLY wanted to do it, and I found absolutely no shame in admitting that I didn’t want that responsibility.
Then, when we turned 30, things shifted. Things in our lives fell into place, and for whatever reason, we changed our minds. At that point, we knew we were ready, and we decided to have a child. We “stopped preventing,” and after some twists and turns, the rest is history.
It has been a wonderful ride so far, and I’m so glad things worked out the way they did. Am I sorry I waited until my 30s to have my daughter? Absolutely not.
I know for a fact, that “having a kid” would have been wrongly blamed for our lives slowing down and becoming more domesticated. The reality is that had already started to happen by the time she came along. Not having that subconscious resentment lurking under the surface is great. Also, I’d rather have the patience of my 30s than the energy of my 20s when dealing with a kid. But, that’s just me.
It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be (I’d cared for some TOUGH kids), but the unconditional love that I’d never felt before was a welcomed surprise.
Regardless of what you decide and what the future holds, I wish you luck!
Thanks JoAnn! I can really relate to a lot of what you said.
My boyfriend and I have a lot of goals we want to accomplish befor we settle down and even think about kids. Traveling the world is one of them and that we be pretty hard with a stroller and diapers.
I want to make sure I enjoy my freedom for as long as I’d like and if that is for another 10 years then so be it!
It’s funny you mention traveling…as soon as we realized we DID in fact want to have a child eventually, we booked a two-week trip to Europe to explore! While on that trip, we talked about how another trip sans babe would be great, and we decided to do our next big one in honor of our 10-year wedding anniversary. By our calculations, our mythical child would be around 5 by the time that happened, which would be the perfect age to be left with the grandparents.
As it turned out, that’s just what we did! The grandparents came to watch her, and we took a two-week trip to Hawaii this last October.
I love it when a plan comes together.
P.S. We’ve done lots of trips with her, too…but there is just something magical about finding that time to just be a couple again…
I never wanted kids. My husband did. Society expected it and in a moment of defeat, I gave in. I think this happens a lot. I have talked to a lot of women who feel this way.
Any I have 2, an 8 year old girl and 10 year old boy. I have tried to keep myself busy while staying home with them. We don’t want to put them in daycare during school breaks. I kept busy for the last 8 years with various college courses and have obtained 3 degrees and am halfway through a master’s degree. But I am not interested in taking classes anymore to occupy my mind. That may change come this fall.
I find myself already going crazy just a week into summer break with the kids. The thought of not doing anything other than parenting is frightening. I feel like a black hole is swallowing me up.
I have multiple degrees but because of my guilt about daycare, I can’t get a job for another couple of years, which will put me around 36, not the best age to enter the job market for anyone, especially a woman. I love my kids and wouldn’t change it because they have added so much to my life, but I still can’t shake the feeling of disappearing.
That’s my view.