A summer of being or doing…which will your child have?
With summer approaching we have been inundated with literature from this camp and that sports team, all of which sound exceedingly fun and exciting (and often expensive!). Every year I read through them all and think about what great experiences they would be for my sons. Then I remember that they spend their whole school year scheduled from morning to evening and they need time to breath and just be.
My rose colored memories of childhood summers are going the swimming pool, hanging out at my grandma’s house with my cousins, exploring and getting into things we probably shouldn’t have (you can see my blog on the allure of whip cream for more details of that!), making up silly songs, games, and dances, walking all over town, going to the ballpark, reading a gazillion books, and having tons of time to get bored and then creative. While I may not have realized it at the time, those unscheduled days were a gift that allowed me time to just be.
That’s a little piece of small town life I try to give to my city kids.
I am fortunate to have the luxury of spending most of the summer off with my boys. We swim as often as the weather cooperates, play in the yard, go to the park, rest, garden, read, and eat outside on the back porch when it isn’t too sweltering hot. I have purposely limited the scheduled activities for my children to a precious few in order to give them the carefree days of summer for as long as they can have them. A summer of just being rather than doing.
As I talk with other parents, I often find they have a very different perspective. Their children are scheduled for classes, camps, sports teams, and play dates for nearly every minute of everyday. I was stunned in speaking with parent recently who in describing her children’s schedule for this summer realized there were only two weeks where they did not have some kind of formal activity scheduled. My thought was, “Oh my goodness, they are going to be exhausted by all of that.” Her thought was, “That two weeks is a lot of time without any thing to do.”
So what do our kids need, more doing or more being?
There was a quote in the yoga room I taught in for several years that said, “Breath in. Breath out. We are human beings, not human doings. So just breath.” That clearly sums it up for me. What about you?
Lisa Vratny-Smith MSW, RYT is a mom, school social worker, yoga teacher, writer, and the Editor of Mile High Mamas Mama Drama column. You can read more of her Laughing Yoga Mama blog at www.laughingyogamama.blogspot.com
We had this conversation just the other night, and we decided to have a summer of being for a change. I, too, remember those endless days on making forts, rousing up a neighborhood game of kickball, and fully exploring our neighborhood.
That’s what I want for my kids this summer. Just a few pillars of structure (swim lessons) and lots of non-structure.
Great post, Lisa.
Well put, Lisa. Personally, for my own sanity I need a bit of both. My kids are still young so we need some kind of diversion, even if it’s only for an hour a day. Swim lessons are definitely on our schedule as well as lots of fun daytrips to explore Denver!
This is a great post, Lisa!
Oddly enough, when I was a kid, our summers were full of hard work. I grew up on a farm, and if we weren’t in school, we had to work…hard. (If we weren’t old enough to have a job off the farm, we were put to work on the farm and in the garden.)
Don’t get me wrong, we also played hard, too…so it was a different kind of balance. (In fact, I remember many summers, I couldn’t wait for school to start again to get a break!)
Now, I don’t have the practical need for slave labor, so I won’t be putting Claire to work this summer, but we’ve found a good balance between routine and the freedom of the impromptu. I put her in an Art Class that meets around the same time as her preschool would (twice a week, in the mornings) and then we’re continuing with Ballet once a week. She has begged to do these things, and I’ve been careful not to fill every day with something. It will give us the balance we need for BOTH of us to stay sane.
Thanks for all of your thoughts.
My mantra in life is always “finding the balance.” It is tricky to figure out what works for us and our kids, and every family (even every day!)is definitely different.
In my family we so often have drama just getting everyone out of the house with all their stuff at the necessary time that fewer reasons to get somewhere on time makes life happier for us. But I totally agree that some scheduled activities to look forward to helps everyone get that needed break from each other to keep our sanity. I actually find that once they get into the rhythm of summer, my boys get very attached to their carefree summer schedule.
As my boys get older they have more jobs to do around the house. We don’t have a farm to put them to work on (although I’m sure my uncle would take them if I asked), but I can be creative with weeding, sweeping, dusting, and those toilets that always seem to need cleaning when their attitudes start waning.
Summertime, summertime, sum-sum-summertime…whoops, must enjoy the spring before we get there!
My children are still young so we don’t have too many things going on. But we do schedule time each week to get together with other kids. It varies week by week, but I think it’s important for them to be interacting with other kids. But we do our fair share of relaxing at home, going for walks/bike rides, reading, swimming, and playing.
When the kids get older I will limit the number of activities they’re in because I agree-they need to ‘be’! Their imaginations will develop if they aren’t running off every day for a scheduled class or sport.(and I’ll keep my sanity!)
It’s just finding the right balance for your family. We will do our best to have them home for family dinners each night. I guess it comes down to us being home bodies and enjoying our time together as a family!
Thanks Lisa!