The Mom Behind the Mom I Am
I was her first. She and my dad had waited nearly 4 years after getting married for my arrival.
Mom and Dad both had a strange sense of humor, as evidenced by the names they came up with for me. Good thing I was a girl and became Lori. If I’d been a boy, according to family lore, I would have been given my father’s initials, and thus been named, Golden Folden Holden.
Mom was hands-on. She was always playing games with us, teaching us to play piano, living at our level. Unlike me as a mom, she seemed, in those early years, to have no interests of her own other than raising her three girls (see, no boys. Proof of God?).
Consequently, I learned to read at age 3, because Mom spent hours upon hours reading to me while I potty trained. I grew up thinking books and bathrooms go together, like Dick and Jane do.
We had only one car back in those days, and my dad took it to work. So Mom was without a car from 7 a.m. -6 p.m. I can’t quite recall when she ran errands and got groceries. We rarely ate fast food and she had three homemade meals on the table each day. These days, my children and I practically live in the car and just use the house as a place to sleep and store stuff (well, the stuff that’s not stored in the car).
I remember Mom adapting to some of our health issues. I was a rather sickly child, having severe food allergies as well as asthma. Mom learned to cook without eggs and nuts, attempted to keep a dust-free house, and she shuttled me to dozens of doctor’s appointments to find answers and remedies (not sure how, without a car). When my middle sister was 11 months old, she contracted spinal meningitis. I don’t remember my Mom panicking the way I would. (By the way, mom was told by doctors that if Sheri survived, her physical and mental capabilities would likely be stunted. She is 5’9″ and pretty darn smart.)
I love my Mom’s quiet strength. I remember vividly the day I found out we were infertile. She did not probe, suggest, plan, solve, push, advise. She sat on the grass with me that summer day and listened. Allowed me to wail and rail about the unimaginable fail. Even though I was sure it was the end of my world, I sensed that she knew I would inevitably find a way out. I hope to be and do this for my children, to simply dwell in their space with them.
My Dad is the quotable one. In fact, my sisters and I made a book of Dad-isms we recollected from our childhoods. We tried once to put together a similar book for Mom, but she has always been more about feelings. She’s made us feel safe, loved, cared-for, important, interesting. She is by no means quiet (she’s actually one of the wittiest people I know) but she delivers these loving sensations with her day-in, day-out actions rather than with words.
Mom has continued to nurture her grandchildren the way she nurtured us. When Sheri had twin boys before her first son was even 18 months old, Mom and Dad made frequent trips to the other side of the state to help Sheri during those bleary years. When I experienced post-adoption depression syndrome, Mom was there daily to relieve me and reassure me. When Tami’s husband suffered from full paralysis, Mom stepped in to care for their then 2 year-old son. Nearly round-the-clock, for months. And not a complaint.
I often feel I can’t hold a candle to her. I did not sit patiently, reading Pat the Bunny countless times while my children potty trained. I do not put 3 home-cooked meals on the table each day, every day. I do not play game after game after game with my children. I have not handled our health blips with the same aplomb she did. I complain. A LOT (ask my husband). I have my own interests, and I make them a priority.
I’m not actually sure what I *did* get from her, but I shudder to think how I would have turned out without her.
I am, perhaps, the luckiest daughter in the world.
What are some of the mothering traits you got from your mom? In what ways do you differ from your mom?
Beautiful, Lori, as always. And I’m blown over that you remember your potty-training days! Then again, your mother made them memorable.
I’d like to think I inherited my mother’s ability to see everyone as equals, from the president down to the president’s manicurist. But I also inherited her habit of worrying. I’m reeeaaallly working on changing that one, though. *she says as she worries it will never happen*
So beautifully written, Lori! And that picture? Captures it all! What a wonderful tribute to your mama.
As I sit here with tears streaming down my face, I reflect on what my beautiful daughter and incredible mother to two of my grandchildren chose to share with the world. And I am humbled by the early Mother’s Day tribute. Remember there’s more than one way to raise a child. My way worked for me, as evidenced by three feisty little girls who have grown into strong, independent women. Your way will work for you. Someday your children will write a beautiful tribute to honor you. AND I’ll say, “I told you so!” LOVE, Mom
Lovely post, thanks for sharing.
I loved my mother very, very much and I miss her dearly. To everyone who does still have their mother’s in their lives or whos mothers are still living . . . call them more often, let them know you appreciate them it only takes a few minutes out of your day to call them and say hello, to see how their day is going and if there is anything you can do to make it better. Do this every day you have your mom because some day you won’t.
Mom! As always, you are so wise. I know I will hear you say “I told you so.” Probably this week. Haha.
Catherine, Amber and Aimee, thanks for reading and sharing your comments.
Dolores, that is wonderful advice. I am sorry for your loss — this may be a rough time of year for you. Thanks for reminding me to treasure what I have.
Lori, what a great post! I think it’s great that you have such a wonderful relationship with your mom!!
Loved your post, Lori. You are so blessed! What beautiful memories you have and your mother obviously played a roll in your interest in writing by starting you reading at such an early age. I think that is my biggest takeaway from your story. My daughter loves her books and brings them to me all day long. I need to take more than 15 min. a day to nourish that love of reading that she so obviously has in her. Love or reading and writing can lead to so many great things – as evidenced here!
http://www.mamabirdsblog.com
Lori — that was a beautiful post!
I too have tears running down my face. Why? Because I share the wonderful mom you are talking about.
I am the daughter who was sick with spinal meningitis at a year old. The one the doctor’s said that IF I made it, I would be deaf, retarded or both…my mom still jokes with me about the only result of the illness is my stunted growth (I’m 5’9″).
I am the sister who had three boys under eighteen months old and leaned on my mom to help me change diapers, burp babies, load car-seats, find a way to eat, shower and go to the bathroom…and help me to get a much-needed nap.
Now the boys are 12 and 13. My life is A LOT easier and I frequently see my mom’s traits in my own mothering (at least I hope I do).
My mom is one of the best people I know and if I am only 1/10 the mother she is, I will be a complete success!
Thanks Mom…for everything!
Sheri
http://oraclesun.blogspot.com/
http://www.coachwithsheri.com/blog/
As the third of the three luckiest daughters in the world, I can attest that Mom is, indeed, a perfect and complete Mom.
It was my husband who suffered from full paralysis, and Mom stepped in to care for our then 2 year-old son, nearly round-the-clock, for months. And not only did she not complain, she packed lunches for me to take to the hospital, paid bills, answered scores of concerned phone calls and emails, had a healthy dinner prepared every night (complete with ice cream), and organized our own mini-extreme home makeover so that my husband could live in our home … all so that I could find my way to bed each night, and get just enough sleep to make it through another exhausting day.
While raising her daughters, Mom cared enough about her girls to keep us from enjoying some of the good times that could have been resulted in danger or disaster. She wasn’t afraid to take the teacher’s side, because she knew that even if we were right, the teachers deserved our respect. She sat at every concert, every game, and every minor life event I can recall. (And there were a LOT of them.)
I always tease Mom for not taking enough pictures of me, the third child. But there are enough photos of me to wallpaper Denver’s Cash Register building. And even if there weren’t, my memory is wallpapered with the grandest slideshow a woman could hope to view.
My heart swells with gratitude and love.
Happy Mother’s Day to the three grandest Mom’s I know … My Mom and my two sisters.
I love you all!
Tami
PS – And Dolores, I’ll quit texting mom and call her instead!
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Lori, this is so touching. The details make me feel like I know your mom. She sound like a wonderful woman, and she obviously has a wonderful daughter, you, who appreciates her. This is the best Mother’s Day gift she could ask for.
Sheri and Tami! Dang. I thought *I* would finally be the favorite. But then you had to chime in with your loving thoughts. I forgot to say that the other awesome thing Mom did was to give me you as sisters.
CP, Mamabird, and Melissa — thank you for helping me honor and celebrate my mom. She’s reading and enjoying your comments
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Lori, what was a beautiful and well-deserved tribute to your mom.
I was there when you were an infant and it was amazing to observe first-time parenting. Your mom seemed to know “what to do when” and she did it with precision.
I always admired her parenting skill. Your tribute, along with the wonderful comments by your special sisters, proves she did it right.
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