When The Past Comes Back
I know I haven’t gotten crazy personal here on Mile High Mamas, but to understand this post, you have to understand that my childhood was not all fun and games. My dad was a fairly abusive alcoholic with a narcissist mother who stuck her nose in everything right up until his will was read when he passed away in 1981. Can you imagine how *my* mother felt as *her* mother-in-law tried to take the house away from us? There is so much garbage there in my childhood, I am still – to this day – sifting through it with the help of a therapist.
But the main point I want to make today is not about my past. It’s about my present. It’s about me, and how I act with my son, and holy hell – how much of those crazy people did I pull down from the gene pool anyway? Another thing I sit and discuss in the therapist’s chair.
It’s hard not to judge every reaction you have to your child by the actions of your parents, and grandparents. Especially when some of the examples you have are so off kilter you don’t know which way is up. OR! Am I reading too much into it? Am I just having a bad day and that is OK and I should let myself off the hook once in a while? That everything doesn’t HAVE to go back to those first 11 years with my dad in the house acting like a lunatic, and his mother fluttering around like a lunatic’s enabler?
It’s amazing how much having children makes you think about this stuff. Makes you want to MAKE SURE you aren’t making the same mistakes.
Of course, the sad truth is, I am sure I am making a whole rash of new mistakes. Which makes me wonder what *he* will be sitting in the therapist’s chair for in about 30 years.