A Love Letter to the Rockies
posted by: Amber Johnson
Dearest Rockies, [photopress:Rockies.jpg,thumb,pp_image]
This letter is actually on behalf of my husband, Jamie. He has been a devout follower since your amazing winning streak (I believe the correct term for him is “fair-weather fan.”) Regardless, he is committed to your cause and can be seen wandering around with bloodshot eyes after particularly late nights out on the town with you.
I admittedly am not much of a baseball connoisseur (due to the inordinate amount of pucks I took to the face whilst growing up in Canada) but I would love nothing better than for you to win the World Series. I have even been to a few of your games. Of course, I was usually lucky enough to be in a suite with oodles of food, Internet access and television so I can’t really confirm if you were even playing.
There was also the time we were given seats directly behind home plate and indulged in the gourmet fare at the secret restaurant in the secret tunnel. When we returned to watch the game, we were presented with an extensive menu and informed we could order anything off of it…for free. I can’t remember but I think you won. I know I did.
These experiences have confirmed that I could grow to love baseball. Well, except for the time a couple of years ago when we took our 1-year-old daughter to have her first taste of your Great American Pastime. Unfortunately, the only taste she got that night was when she proceeded to lick all the garbage cans in the lobby.
Fond memories aside, my reason for writing today is to thank you for your clean 4-0 sweep of the Arizona Diamondbacks. You see, Jamie and I had big plans on those Tuesday and Friday nights. As you know, these would have been potential game days had you not come out as the winners you are.
Last Tuesday, I had signed up weeks ago for a free parenting seminar at The Children’s Hospital entitled “Oh Poo.” You see, we have a daughter who is an underachiever as it relates to her bathroom habits. Desperate times call for desperate measures – times that evidently include attending a class with “Poo” in the title.
Dearest Rockies: if you had not won, my poor husband would have still been dragged along to the seminar because I urgently needed his support. Please, please, please don’t think I’m sacrilege; I appreciate the historic nature of your bid for the World Series. But unless Todd Helton is prepared to come wipe my 3-year-old’s butt, it does not have much bearing on me.
As for Friday, Jamie had planned a getaway to Breckenridge. In a 4,000-square-foot cabin. With a hot tub and roaring fire. WITHOUT CHILDREN. When he threatened me that our romantic retreat may also include watching you, well, let’s just say
he may not have gotten laid it is a good thing you had already played.
A Grateful Rockies Widow
P.S. Even though I am the only person in Colorado who does not bleed purple and will probably be burned at the
stake bat for this letter, I wish you the best of luck at the World Series. We will be watching! Just make sure you win before November 5th because I have something planned that night, too. 🙂