We told the kids about the new baby on the same day we told the rest of the world.
Some may question the wisdom of telling young children about a new sibling when there is a strong history of pregnancy loss. My tally is four. Aren’t you afraid they will be sad if the worst [...]

My elementary school-aged kids have just wrapped up their first fundraiser of the year.
They had to sell a well-known book of coupons.
Nobody wanted one. Nobody needed one. Nobody remembers to actually use the coupons if they do buy the book, so everyone passed. If they had a coupon book already, it was because [...]

267 pre-sharpened pencils from our family alone.
Approximately 2,200 sheets of “facial tissue”—enough to sop up the runny noses and tears of the local chapter of the Jonas Brother’s Fan Club for a year.
Baby wipes, zip-top baggies, paper plates, hand sanitizers, disinfecting wipes, and oh yeah. Some crayons. It’s nice to see crayons mixed [...]

Her name was Jackie and we were cruel to her.
She lived in a small, weather-worn house across the street from our school. She wore the same out-of-style clothes every day. They were stained and frayed. Her hair was never combed, and her homework was rarely done. For these crimes, a court of spoiled and [...]

When my husband and I announced our fifth child was on the way, a friend asked if we knew what caused that.
I told him I suspected it had something to do with my practice of washing my underwear with my husband’s.
I regretted the snarky comeback immediately, but I know why I unleashed my [...]

Scene: Typical state university dorm room of 2022—poster of Kermit the Frog, lava lamp, mini stainless steel fridge, UN flag round out the decor. A group of freshman students lounge on the beds and floor. They pass around an Xtreme Red Bull Brand Pomegranate and Ultraviolet Baby Leaf Tea Wine Cooler with DHA and ARA [...]

My skin has so many moles, I nearly qualify as my own animal print. I’m waiting on a World Wildlife Federation panel to approve my application. By next fall, you could be seeing Gretchen-print hot pants, bustiers, and gladiator shoes on D-list celebrities and Gwyneth Paltrow.
Because I am liberally sprinkled with moles in all [...]

A few nights ago, we had tilapia filets for dinner. Joel, age four, remarked on the color of the meat. He wondered why fish is always white. My husband told him some fish, like salmon and tuna, are pinkish or orange.
Joel said, “I know what tuna is. It’s mermaid meat.”
The cans of tuna [...]

Every pregnancy ends.
Ideally, a pregnancy ends with an ice-chip-fueled marathon of contracting, pushing, or with the flash of a scalpel in an operating room. A bundled baby with goopy eyes and a little hat is placed into welcoming arms, at last. Cameras capture, footprints are rocked onto scrapbook paper, a name is given. When [...]

School is sucking my son’s love of reading down a greasy, hair-lined drain and I’m afraid it won’t come back.
My handwringing may seem dramatic and over-the-top, but you didn’t just spend three hours trying to a second-grader to read a book for his homework. This is a boy who taught himself how to read [...]